Kalli35 Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Hi all, I was wondering if you all think this is a normal reaction or not? I have been divorced for 2 years now, was married for 16 yrs!! I have met a wonderful man, who I love very much!! We are looking at a house to move in together. My ex husband and I still love each other but know we can't live together. We talk as friends alot , we share children together. Ok, here's the deal! I may be moving in with my new man that I have been with for a little over a year. I'm feeling sooo much pain over it because I know it is going to hurt my ex. It does hurt me also, my ex is all I have ever known since I was 17 yrs old! Now that I'm moving in with my new man, I'm scared, sooo very scared!! Not scared that my new man won't treat me good, I know he will!! Im scared cuz its a new start with someone else, and I'm also afraid of not making the right decision! All my friends tell me to move on and that what I am feeling is normal and that I have to pick a direction and run with it! Is this normal? or is it a redflag?? Should I wait til I am not scared? any advice is appreciated, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
seahorse Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Hi Kalli, You are moving out of your comfort zone and into a new area. That is always scary; taking a step towards a different way of life is like that. You were with one man for a long time, ( I was the same with my husband, 22 years I knew him, then he messed around on me, and eventually I met another bloke, THAT was scary as I'd never been with anyone but hubby). I think your reaction is perfectly normal. You still love your ex and you don't want to hurt him. Could be you are reacting this way out out of guilt at how you think your ex will feel when he finds out what you're going to do. How do you know he will react badly? He may be happy for you to move on. If you're not sure about making the right decision, it's fear because of the unknown. Okay, now bad can it be? How final is the decision to move in with your new guy? Are you giving up an apartment? Maybe you can rent it out while you do a "trial run" with your new guy. If it doesn't work out, then you've got somewhere to go back to. What about your children? How old are they? Seahorse Link to post Share on other sites
TreeHugger Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 IMHO, it seems that your are having strong feelings for a reason. Maybe it might be a good idea to seek out a couple of counseling sessions to work through the feelings...you have children together and you are getting along really well...would this move jeopardize the communication you have built w/ the ex, and would it disrupt the best interest of your children? You did not mention your children's age, but it seems that is a huge factor...what do they think about the move with the new guy? I am currently in the middle of a divorce, and do not plan on spending the rest of my life living alone...agghhhh I feel for you...I wish I had a magic wand to offer Wow...you are between a rock and a hard spot! I wish you the best of luck... Link to post Share on other sites
Kalli35 Posted July 6, 2004 Share Posted July 6, 2004 My son is 14 and my daughter is 6, they really like the new guy alot. My son has told me he is ready for me to start a new life with my new man. They get along great I do feel alot of guilt. I told my ex husband about the move, he was very hurt and upset. He still loves me and wants us to reconcile! Problem is I don't trust him, he did some disrespectful things to me in our marriage that hurt me badly! I don't trust that he will change. I know deep down inside I love him but I will not go back to that life again! It is soo hard, the pain is killing me. Sometimes I feel I should just go back to my ex so my family can be together again! I hate when my kids have to leave me every other day and the split holidays, just seems soo disfunctional! Not the family life I ever wanted them to have! I am in love with my new guy, but I know deep down inside I still have alot of love for my exhusband and that is the pain that I carry everyday! I'm forcing myself to move on, which I don't know if that is a good thing or not. Im an emotional wreck and feel that I can't even make a decision, but I feel I have to pick a path and run with it or else I will be living in this limbo for the rest of my life. LIFE SUCKS!!! Link to post Share on other sites
TreeHugger Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 I understand completely! You sound like a great mom, looking out for the best for everyone involved! Your kids are lucky to have you... Follow your path...no limbo land!!! Enjoy life Link to post Share on other sites
seahorse Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 Hi again Kalli, I'm glad for you that your children like this new guy. At least if you decide your place is with him then they will be ok with it. From what you've posted about your ex being disrespectful and hurtful to you, I feel that going back to that would be a bad idea. If he can disrespect you once, he can do it agan. My husband hurt me badly by having an affair, and I have been unable to love or trust him since. We are heading for the divorce courts, even though he wants reconciliation too. If you are so unsure about going forward with this new guy, maybe best not to move in with him just yet? Will it hurt to be living in your own space with your kids for a little while until you are sure? I just feel you may be jumping from one man to another one because you don't want to be alone. I've got a new bloke, but I won't be moving in with him, or him with me...we both need space, and that's how I like it. If your new man loves you, surely he will wait until you're quite ready? Just my opinion. Seahorse Link to post Share on other sites
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