Author marilla Posted June 15, 2012 Author Share Posted June 15, 2012 Thanks again. I will read over the 4 pages again and see how it goes inside me. A big hug from me even if i don't know you!!!! Thank you!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tiera D Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Geegirl is irritated already i think marilla read what Geegirl advised you all this while because you are not absorbing it,you are interpreting his actions too much thats what shes trying to tell you,i dont know you feel obligated to his well being or what but cant you see what he is doing to you?can you not see his manipulation Example : A shy person does not flirt two girls at once,a truely shy person is well reserved and care for others in an unopen way Marilla no offence but you must wake up now,this guy completely manipulated your brain TD Link to post Share on other sites
Author marilla Posted June 16, 2012 Author Share Posted June 16, 2012 thank you Tiera D. I am not offended at all. Thank you for trying to help. I really hope that geegirl is not irritated. Thank you all guys.. I will read all your comments again. Just wish i hurt less..... it hurts a lot i don't know why... thank you all Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 thank you Tiera D. I am not offended at all. Thank you for trying to help. I really hope that geegirl is not irritated. Thank you all guys.. I will read all your comments again. Just wish i hurt less..... it hurts a lot i don't know why... thank you all I'm not irritated at all. I just hope you try to look at both sides of the coin and really think about this rationally rather than emotionally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marilla Posted June 16, 2012 Author Share Posted June 16, 2012 i am reading over your comments and i do thank you all. Every time this woman hit on him he was insensitive towards my feelings, rude and a bit cruel. However she was more decided than me those times and i know for a fact that this man wants desperately to get married. So is that a guy that was hurtful because he is desperate for a wife and as soon as he thought he had a sure thing he dropped me being insensitive or is that his general character-insensitive and rude and a bit cruel. My last boyfriend which was over 10 years ago was good to me. once he got another sure woman he dropped me hurting me badly. I thought that he was a bad man and i was happy it did not work out for him and me in the end but i hear now that he is the perfect husband and father and that his wife is blissfully happy. i am thinking that he could be something of that sort. Not a bad guy. A desperate one trying to get his way. People act differently under different circumstances. right ? Why am i being confused-because the short time we were spending time together he was nice and caring. He is also very much loved by his friends. His friends also have tried setting me up with him at a time and since they are coworkers and they also know me and love me i can't believe they would try and set me up with someone whose character they did not like or trust. i have really known him for a short time and then the mess happened that has scared the hell out of me...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marilla Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 hi guys. i am still hurting.... does it make sense that after trying to trying to reconsile with me and showing interest again in me, he would now be confused between me and another woman? Does this make sense? He is trying to balance his time and attention between her and me-remember we are coworkers. He hurt and rejected me 3 times, i cut all contact, he tried to get me back and now he is confused. He is however looking and acting tormented. He did spend time with her today but he is trying hard not to hurt me. Everything is so messed up. Any more suggestions here ? Sorry for being a pest. I have been in this story for a whole year-i can't think anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I still say you should get out of this one. Too much drama, too much confusion. This is no way to start a healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 If it's causing you this much confusion, please get out of this situation Marilla. It shouldn't have to be this hard. If he is tormented then he can make the step forward. You have already shown him you have an open door, he is not taking it. Please try to step away from him. I hope his contract ends soon and you can have come peace. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marilla Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 D'Arthez thank you for responding.... our contracts will finish in a few days, so chances are we won't be seeing each other again. I mean all people involved in this story. It is now or never if anything will happen and he does seem to want to get to know her very much. |i have a feelings she is playing hard games with him, trying to make him jealous etc. I am not doing anything, just watching. He is trying really not to hurt me this time and i do believe he wants to be interacting with me too but things are just so hard still. Still thinking about me idea of writing him a note saying that i respect it if he wants to hang out with others and he can with me too. I am thinking it will make things easier. On the other hand do you think this is saying to him go? or leading him on thinking i want more? Please bear. It is decision time and i will appreciate all the help you can give. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Don't do anything and walk away. As hard as it sounds, it is for the best. Writing notes will only add to the confusion of the both of you. Never mind what it would do to the other girl in the picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marilla Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 hello geegirl. It is like you are feeling my pain-thank you. It will be over soon. Just so hard to sit and watch my closest friend with the guy i have feelings for hanging around. I don't want to mess it up for him if she is the one. I don;t want the guilt. if only i could stop my heart caring.... I have never lived anything so hard in relationships...in my life. I went through a serious illness and that was less stressful than this. I wish i could be able to make things more normal for everyone during the last days we have left, without hurting or leading anyone on... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marilla Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 i thought a note just one note would make things clearer. Now he is feeling weird to hang out with her. I am telling him it is fine. And since i still have feelings and would like to talk to him a bit more, i am leading him on unintentionally. If he makes some effort to hang out a bit things will be clearer. I would not need to make any effort-so no leading on. Does that make sense ? Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 i thought a note just one note would make things clearer. Now he is feeling weird to hang out with her. I am telling him it is fine. And since i still have feelings and would like to talk to him a bit more, i am leading him on unintentionally. If he makes some effort to hang out a bit things will be clearer. I would not need to make any effort-so no leading on. Does that make sense ? I don't think you are leading him on at all. As I said earlier in one of my posts, sometimes the only way you can know that the fire is hot is by touching it. If anything, the only letter you should send him is one of honesty, communicating what you feel. Sending him passive aggresive letter won't give you the answers you want. This way, whatever the response, you will be able to give yourself whatever you need, whether it is to move on or to work things out with him. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Any communication you have with this guy, will be adding to your and his confusion about the whole situation. At this moment in time just about any behavior can be, and probably will be interpreted as leading each other on. It has been a year, and what has happened? Next to nothing, but you have been emotionally investing in this guy for a long time now. If you are going to write a letter, it should be to terminate this "friendship", because this is really proving to be highly toxic for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marilla Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 geegirl how can i talk to him when he is half-frozen? ever since the day he saw me hurt he was spending time with her he froze up. He won't even tell me bye. He answers with one word only. He gives me the impression he doens't want to talk and that is why he is behaving like that. I have confronted him in the past and i think he fears it will happen again. So talking about feelings with this guy is a not a good idea. That is why i thought of the note-just to clarify what he could do from then on without feeling he is hurting me or that i am not allowing it. Just thinking that even if we talk a few times as friends, in general, i get a better picture of this man-who apparently hasn't given up on me, but needs to keep his options open( and to a point i understand why, i mean after the way he treated me he probably thinks i am creazy wanting anything more) Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 geegirl how can i talk to him when he is half-frozen? ever since the day he saw me hurt he was spending time with her he froze up. He won't even tell me bye. He answers with one word only. He gives me the impression he doens't want to talk and that is why he is behaving like that. I have confronted him in the past and i think he fears it will happen again. So talking about feelings with this guy is a not a good idea. That is why i thought of the note-just to clarify what he could do from then on without feeling he is hurting me or that i am not allowing it. Just thinking that even if we talk a few times as friends, in general, i get a better picture of this man-who apparently hasn't given up on me, but needs to keep his options open( and to a point i understand why, i mean after the way he treated me he probably thinks i am creazy wanting anything more) This is madness Marilla. You just said that he must think you would be crazy to want to be with him after the way he treated you. Can you not hear what you are saying? If he wants to be with 10 women, he will. You will not hold him back. He's not even emotionally all there to have a conversation with him. If he's frozen, then let him freeze. Step away. Let him come to you. He's rejected you three times and I don't know what else to say to you other than to touch the fire and learn the hard way. You want to send him a passive aggresive note because you are hoping it will provoke him to give you an answer. You are hoping he will say, "But no, that's not what I want. I want you." If you're going to send a letter, then put it all out there. That way you get smashed and you walk away or you get what you've been hoping for. i don't know what else to tell you that can help you because you are all over the place. Even I'm confused now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marilla Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 thank you geegirl. I can't write him a long letter saying it all since i am not sure i can trust him not saying to some other co-workers. It is me saying he doesn't have to feel bad about seeing others-since he does seem to feel bad. And it is me saying i am never doing anything more. no more effort. no flirting etc and if he wants to he can come and talk to me or spend time with me. Maybe if he is worth it and he really wants it this is the last chance to prove himself. Geegirl i have invested time, energy, sleep and tears on this story. I need to be very sure i am getting out or going in....Does it even hurt if we talk as friends for a few more days? who can it hurt? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Geegirl i have invested time, energy, sleep and tears on this story. I need to be very sure i am getting out or going in....Does it even hurt if we talk as friends for a few more days? who can it hurt? Yes, it will hurt you. But do what you must. It really seems as if the only way you will understand what is going on, is by suffering heartbreak. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 thank you geegirl. I can't write him a long letter saying it all since i am not sure i can trust him not saying to some other co-workers. It is me saying he doesn't have to feel bad about seeing others-since he does seem to feel bad. And it is me saying i am never doing anything more. no more effort. no flirting etc and if he wants to he can come and talk to me or spend time with me. Maybe if he is worth it and he really wants it this is the last chance to prove himself. Geegirl i have invested time, energy, sleep and tears on this story. I need to be very sure i am getting out or going in....Does it even hurt if we talk as friends for a few more days? who can it hurt? If he doesn't feel bad seeing others, why do you need to tell him not to feel bad? Again, you are sending that to get a reaction. It will hurt you. He is frozen so how do you talk to him as friends? There are too many negatives and no positives in your story Marilla. When that happens, trust that it is no good for you and leave him alone. If you really want to send a note, then tell him you are interested and that you will make no more attempts and that if he is interested, then he will have to show you in all the right ways. That's the most I would say. I don't want you to but I think you will only learn this the hard way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marilla Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 what more can happen? rejection number 3 was the worse!!! What can top being rejected 3 times? He does feel bad hanging out with her-she is my friend after all, my closest friend at work. And i wanted to make it clear-it is all on him now. I am not wanting a reaction. I want my sanity back!!!!!! As for the whole thing being hard-hard is an understatement. This has gone for a whole year every single day!!!!! Thank you for caring geegirl....... You really want me out of this and do does D'Arthez. I can't see clearly still..... Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 what more can happen? rejection number 3 was the worse!!! What can top being rejected 3 times? He does feel bad hanging out with her-she is my friend after all, my closest friend at work. And i wanted to make it clear-it is all on him now. I am not wanting a reaction. I want my sanity back!!!!!! As for the whole thing being hard-hard is an understatement. This has gone for a whole year every single day!!!!! Thank you for caring geegirl....... You really want me out of this and do does D'Arthez. I can't see clearly still..... If he wants to hang out with her, then let him. You don't have to give him permission. If he feels bad, he has the choice to either ask you if it is okay or stop altogether. You don't have to tell him it is all on him. He is a grown man, he knows. He's not even accepted your flirts. Please don't keep making this about you Marilla. I really do want you out of this. There is absolutely nothing positive about this situation nor is he healthy for you. I wish you could see that. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I really do want you out of this. There is absolutely nothing positive about this situation nor is he healthy for you. I wish you could see that. I fully agree with your assessment geegirl. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I fully agree with your assessment geegirl. I just wish she could see it and at least try to have the willpower to step away. If one year hasn't changed a thing, then it most likely won't get any better. Time to let go. You and I know that, but I hope she gets it too at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marilla Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 Thank you guys. I am trying here!!!! There is so many things to cope with-feelings, hurt, guilt, fear, confusion........ i hope it will get better!!!! but one thousand thanks to you guys for all your support!!! Glad i found you:) Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Thank you guys. I am trying here!!!! There is so many things to cope with-feelings, hurt, guilt, fear, confusion........ i hope it will get better!!!! but one thousand thanks to you guys for all your support!!! Glad i found you:) I know you are and I hope you do the right thing by you, regardless of what he thinks and feels. You are welcome Marilla. Link to post Share on other sites
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