Spent a few days in jail, what next?

[Balzac]

You aren't taking in what info has been offered here. Alimony is about future earnings not current assets.

 

1. Offer to buy an annuity for $950,000.

2. Fund an income paying trust to generate

the $2700.mo but return principle to you at his demise

[anne1707]

You aren't taking in what info has been offered here. Alimony is about future earnings not current assets.

 

1. Offer to buy an annuity for $950,000.

2. Fund an income paying trust to generate

the $2700.mo but return principle to you at his demise

 

In other cases, fine. But the OP's ex is a huge piece of sh$t. He has used and abused the OP beyond ..., I want to hurt this man and I have never met him.

 

I have no solutions to offer OP but I feel for you - you do not deserve this scum screwing up your life for one minute longer

[Trimmer]

I want this situation to be OVER!

OK, girl - at least that sounds like a rational goal.

 

I need suggestions for how to put together settlement offer so good my ex won't refuse it.

Are you working with a good attorney? It's my nature to look at this from a rational point of view: you need to offer something that seems more valuable to your ex than what he has right now. And that doesn't necessarily just mean a dollar figure. What figures in on his side includes whatever joy he gets out of the games, and at least in the short term, I fear you may have fed into that, but that's for you to evaluate.

 

Having said that, you will need to start with figures. Can you get your attorney and a decent financial planner in the same room with you, look at your net worth, your financial state, etc. and see what would be possible? I strongly encourage you to look at it from a rational point of view, so you don't end up giving away MORE than you need to. That's the problem with the throw-me-in-jail, "thank you sir, may I have another..." approach: you end up destroying yourself to prove your point. Work with some rational advisers (good attorney, financial planner) who can keep you grounded, and maybe pull it off without having to give too much away.

 

Next, you have recently kept the emotional temperature simmering with your activities in court. If this is something that he likes (i.e. values) then you are going to have to "buy out" just that much more to convince him to go away. It may be in your interest to become very boring. Maybe pay your attorney to be the "go between" and have all legitimately ordered funds be transferred from an escrow account under your attorney's control to your ex's attorney, or something like that. Take away the "fun" for him, if that's what flips his switch. You may need to do this for a while, to get him thinking the fun is over, so he'd be more receptive to a one-time settlement.

 

And then, in the end, if he really does get off on your discomfort, there may be no good way to convince him to be bought out. You've already showed him that he can aggravate you (yes, I know, you were similing and laughing, but don't fool yourself that he didn't still get off on it...) so if he has any whiff that you are this desperate to get rid of him, that may well cut off any chance of sealing a buyout deal.

 

I think you HAVE to get an attorney (and possibly a good financial planner) working on your behalf, hope that they can work attorney to attorney, and keep your voice (and your desperation) out of it.

 

Bottom line: you need to offer him sufficient value, and you need to avoid any perception that by accepting a deal, your ex would be giving up value and "fun" in the future. That's the sale you and your attorney have to make.

Edited June 14, 2012 by Trimmer

[Balzac]

What the ex's character was or is has nothing to do with OP's desire to settle up front. Alimony is a debt she wishes to pay up front.

[soserious1]

You aren't taking in what info has been offered here. Alimony is about future earnings not current assets.

 

1. Offer to buy an annuity for $950,000.

2. Fund an income paying trust to generate

the $2700.mo but return principle to you at his demise

 

What you are missing here is that I don't want to generate anymore assets, I want to quit my job & retire.

[Balzac]

Actually I do comprehend your desired outcome. Pay up front and plan the retirement funding at the same time.

A wealth managent advisor and tax consultant can give you pay up front strategies.

[wuggle]

I gotta admit, I'd be so tempted to plant this guy under a mall parking lot or move to Brazil.

 

Option 3 (as you dont want to hurt anyone or move), hire a 'specialist' to f*ck his brain up so much that HE moves (and is scared to contact you anymore, sounds like he deserves to have the tables turned anyway and it would be a more honest way to regain your dignity than fighting the system that it looks like he has on his side but when it comes down to it really probably hasn't).

 

Probably work out cheaper in the long run.

 

Either that or pay him in quarters next time (why ? why not)

[Steen719]

I do not have the background to answer this, although seeing an attorney and coming up with a package sounds reasonable, particularly the one by Balzac to fund the income paying trust with the principle coming back to you.

 

What a mess. The dollars and pennies stuff is funny, but while I have nowhere near your income or assets, I was terrified that I would be handing over part of my annuity and paying alimony to my cheating, lying, ungrateful bast**d of an XH, as he is on disability also. I offered to pay his health insurance until he is on Medicare...Nov. 2012 and got a very, very fast divorce while he was still feeling guilty. Thank God I did. He tried later to say he wanted both of the above, but it was too late by then. Nothing had changed in either of our situations (per lawyer) so he couldn't. I intentionally went through it very fast...I knew what he would pull. He had always liked things better than I did and probably more than me. I also made concessions to him about the things he wanted in the house, garage, in order to not have to pay him.

 

I don't have to do what you are doing, but even paying the health insurance for him annoys me. If I had to pay the other, to be very honest, I would have an extremely hard time just doing it and living with it. I am sorry you are in this mess. I don't think anyone, man or woman, has the right to live forever off of someone's hard work, unless you are the reason they cannot make their own money, as in you caused an accident.

 

Good luck. I mean that sincerely. I hope you can manage a package and disentangle yourself from him forever.

[2sure]

Balzac is right and the options stated are good points of renegotiation. AND , given your recent behavior, Renegotiating is not unusual . The terms as they are...simply aren't working out.

 

Further, in my own personal experience ...if the spouse displaying the nut job behavior requests a one time settlement so that the stress and reactions triggered monthly or what have you no longer happen...Suddenly, YOU, the nut job...are seen as possibly justified and more likely to get a settlement more in your favor.

 

I was the Nut Job in my divorce...and My ex was quite motivated to settle large, but...I did notice that when I started requesting a single lump payment so I would never have to think of him again...things quickly turned in my favor.

[soserious1]

Balzac is right and the options stated are good points of renegotiation. AND , given your recent behavior, Renegotiating is not unusual . The terms as they are...simply aren't working out.

 

Further, in my own personal experience ...if the spouse displaying the nut job behavior requests a one time settlement so that the stress and reactions triggered monthly or what have you no longer happen...Suddenly, YOU, the nut job...are seen as possibly justified and more likely to get a settlement more in your favor.

 

I was the Nut Job in my divorce...and My ex was quite motivated to settle large, but...I did notice that when I started requesting a single lump payment so I would never have to think of him again...things quickly turned in my favor.

 

Up till this point I swear I haven't engaged in nut job behaviors, I am just worn out at this point, I feel like I walk on eggshells all the time & am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

[2sure]

Oh no no no. You have not!! The courts think so though. But I get it honey, you are fed up.

[D-Lish]

It doesn't sound like your attorney is doing a great job for you. Has he/she offered up any alternatives to help you solve this?

 

Where do you live that alimony still exists? That's terrible to have such a financial burden that stops you from being able to retire. Don't arrangements take into account that you would be retiring someday?

 

Sounds like you need a better lawyer!

[2sure]

Hire a firm with a forensic accountant to give you financial advise regarding your existing assets and how to hang on to them. Do what they suggest verbally regardless of their written advice. They know how to hide money.

 

When I hired my divorce attorney, I also retained a criminal attorney not because I wanted representation but because I wanted advice. They know how to make anyone , including your ex, look like a criminal.

 

When you have nothing left to lose...go for it all.

[Balzac]

No argument on the advice to hire a criminal attorney who specializes in white collar crime and tax law. The case sounds as if it was an agreed entry, arrived at by negotiation and entered as an agreed judgement.

 

The financial evaluation should have factored for X years of continued income on OP's continued employment or return on investment. Surely some consideration was given to how assets were valued and ownership held as the divorce was settled. If OP retained assets in lieu of Ex getting paid out over time, he assumed the risk of OP having an early demise or incapacitation limiting income. In that case I would think Ex has, possibly at OP's expense an insurance policy to cover said risk.

 

There are many ways to structure ling term pay outs and also cover the risk of changed circumstances.

 

BTW, I can appreciate OP's frustration and resentment.

Edited June 15, 2012 by Balzac

[SarahRose]

Ok, just so you know - that's effin' great. Seriously, it's priceless.

You dear have balls. Kudos. Made my day.

 

Now, from a "realistic" point of view, that was dumb. The judge clearly signaled his position and you stupidly, awesomely (), called him/her on it.

 

Walking away from it all is certainly an option.

And I'll give you some sound advice - obviously do your own research and due diligence.

 

There are countries on this planet which do not have fiduciary treaties with the US. Which, in a nutshell, means the official response for bank assets (aka money) is a staunch "Feck off" to the US. Google is your friend.

 

There are also places on this Earth where legalities are, shall we say, beneficial to wealthy locals who donate to officials. Whose ultimate result is a complete lack of action from US legal and diplomatic overtures. Again, I suggest google.

 

And there are some countries who follow the first two hints and are fond of Americans. Very safe. (I know, I lived there). So safe, most homes do not have front doors.

 

I'd recommend Bali. Sell it all. Xfer to offshore account and retire. Indo authorities won't give a shyte about US demands. A little "cigarette money" and they will never locate you. Or your money.

 

Decent hospitals. Amazing people. Laid back lifestyle. Cheap. You can live like a queen for 1500 a month. That's fine dining, high end home, servants....

 

If you want to do it though, you can't return to the US. It might be tricky in some traveling as well if the judge issues a warrant. Do your homework.

 

Why sell it all and be miserable? Sell it all, xfer to overseas bank (one w/o ties to US) and live in utter luxury.

 

Here's a tasty tidbit. Six years ago, when I lived in Bali, a 90 minute full body massage costs...8 dollars, 9 with tip.

 

Just something to think about....

 

best advice on here

 

bali is a lovely place for sure

i had a favorite real massage lady. she was a bit older and worked her magic. i wanted to adopt her and take her home with me. very lovely woman

 

the people are very warm too

 

yeah and i had to chuckle at thanking the judge. priceless. and the one dollar bills and pennies.

 

OP you really have sass

 

the only other thing i can think of it to find the very best attorney you can find and afford which i am certain would cost a lot less than paying this leech for eternity. one with a lot of connections if you know what i mean.

 

you could hire a detective to follow him and take pictures showing he isn't an invalid like he claims to be.

[Tiberius]

It doesn't sound like your attorney is doing a great job for you. Has he/she offered up any alternatives to help you solve this?

 

Where do you live that alimony still exists? That's terrible to have such a financial burden that stops you from being able to retire. Don't arrangements take into account that you would be retiring someday?

 

Sounds like you need a better lawyer!

 

I think it is because of the circumstance, him being disabled her being affluent in income and assets. Many states and countries have alimony, it isnt just automatically lifelong anymore in certain states and countries.

[health]

So Serious it's kinda sad how you did that, you;re not hurting anyone but yourself.

 

No win win - you try to hurt him by acting immature and its just like everyone is hurting.

 

Heal, and move on.

[Radu]

OP, go on a vacation, relax.

Then come back and implement what you were advised in this thread.

 

If he wants the house, **** him ... don't give him the house, keep it.

 

You have the permission of the good ppl on the internets to screw this guy up.

We are rooting here for you.

[standtall]

If you're paying 2750 for 2 months spousal support, then you should be able to afford an attorney that can defend you and get the judge censured for misconduct by refusing to recognize legal tender.

[Tiberius]

How do you know it isnt his lawyer getting into his head making him take you back to court. Its money for him every time.

[jwi71]

For those questioning the judge's order in paying in 1.00 bills - it is a perfectly legal order.

We see it everyday with a business refusing to accept denominations over say 20.00 ( convenience store anyone?).

 

What the law says is the US Federal Reserve system MUST accept cash and coins - it says nothing about private enterprise. The law is the US coinage act of 1965. Pulled from IS treasury website.

 

Legal Tender Status

[Owl]

I want this situation to be OVER! I need suggestions for how to put together settlement offer so good my ex won't refuse it.

 

 

He can literally have everything I own, seriously, I just want this to be over.

 

You need to address through your attorney...not through LS.

[reboot]

Sell your jewelry and hire a hitman.

 

 

 

 

And I'm only sort of kidding.......

[jaymz]

Wow soserious1, I just love what you have done and your attitude to your scumbag ex.

 

I don't have anything extra to add to the advice/ideas already, But i am very impressed!

[Woggle]

Find a new attorney. Go on google and find the meanest and nastiest one you find who will use every dirty trick within the law to nail him to the wall.