Pixie Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Any suggustions will be very helpfull. My fiance and I have been together for six years. We have protected sex but are not ready for children. We own a home together. Our sex-life has dramaticaly decreased over the last few months. I feel like my fiance has lost all interest in me. I have tried almost everything to get his attention. He always sais he has a headache or he just doesn't feel like "doing it," at the moment. He has quit sleeping in the bed all together. And I found some porn in his wallet when I was getting some cash out of it. I am not angry about the porn because I know it is a "man thing." I am afraid there are larger problems at hand. He won't talk about it. If I ever had porn he would freak out! I don't know what to do!? Could he be seeing someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Verymuchinlove Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Porn often is 'a man thing', but then again so is sex. If he's into the first one it would be an oxymoran to not be interested in sex. A decreased sex drive could be some pressures or stresses and doesn't mean it is serious, but the sleeping on the couch thing wold alarm me. I wouldn't assume just yet that he is cheating, but he may feel very stressed for some reason he is not sharing with you. How old is he if you don't mind? It could be some sort of mid life crisis thing. Any other behavior you've noticed? How far off is your wedding date? Work pressures? Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 sex can take a nosedive if he is stressed out or tired. That may be the case. However, the not sleeping together thing is weird. No matter how tired and stressed my fiance and I are, we love to sleep together and cuddle. Link to post Share on other sites
She's Come Undone Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Actually, as far as I've read on here...the men who are addicted to porn are NOT as interested in sex with their SO's. An increased appetite in porn seems to cause a DEcreased appetite in sex. You should do a search on here for porn threads, there are MANY women dealing with this problem in their SO's. Link to post Share on other sites
sinner Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 He has quit sleeping in the bed all together Porn does NOT cause this--guilt over an Affair does. Dollars to donuts your man is cheating, has cheated or is on the brink of cheating. His withdrawal from you reflects this guilt or awkwardness. The very first thing an Affair destroys is the intimacy between a man and a woman. I'm so sorry. I hope I'm wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Dear Pixie, I only hope also that we are wrong but......all the obvious signs of someone who is no longer interested in you or the relationship carries on the exact same way that your s/o is. Only you can tell or get the truth about any infidenties. Listen to your "woman's intuition" it usually speaks the truth very loudly. Sinner is ABSOLUTLY correct in his "guilt" observation. Good luck, Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pixie Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 Part of the reason I am so alarmed is that he is 23 and I am 22. Way too young to have a midlife crisis. And we have never had a lack of energy in the bedroom before. He quit his job six months ago but found another immediatly. We don't have alot of bills or credit problems. My intuition tells me that there is something he's not telling me. I am self concious and though I excersize am a bit over weight but am not terrible looking. Not that I want to jump to conclusions but I fear the worst. Thanks for you reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Verymuchinlove Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Rather than ask him why he is sleeping on the couch, maybe try a different approach. Tell him that you feel lonely when he sleeps out there and that it hurts you inside. Tell him that you are worried that somethig is wrong because he never used to do this. In reality, you are just being truthful. See how he handles this and what he says. Before I would accuse him of cheating, or even beleive it, you owe it to your future to play it calm just a bit longer and see if things can play itself out, because once you bring up a topic like that, it is forever out there never to be forgotten (so be sure before you say something). Don't worry about a few extra pounds, love is blind. I know that the root of the problem is not physical, there has to be something else buggin him. Maybe plan a little surprise for him, something that he likes and see how he reacts to it. His reaction will give you more clues as to what is the real problem. I'm sure it is tough, we're all routing for you. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Stop blaming yourself for everything before you even know what the problem is! Don't do this to yourself! Cheers to you for trying to walk in his shoes to gain a better perspective on his actions but for goodness sakes! You are the one putting yourself through a mid-life crisis. Write down your thoughts and feelings. Prioritize your concerns. Write down where you see the relationship going and where you can see it ending up (continuing the way they are now). Arrange a time for the two of you to have a "talk" Let him read what you ave written. Allow him to go through his emotions, once he gets past the "defencive" emotion he will be able to talk a listen. That's the best advice I have for you. Just one last thing........my motto: If you are going to pose the question, you have to be ready for the answer wether it's what you want to hear or not! Make sure you are ready for this. Good luck, Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
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