Worriedmama Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 (edited) My husband came home after two weeks on the job. We have a 5 year old son and want another baby, we put our boy to bed and started messinG around. I had him go check to make sure he was sleeping (which he was) and on the way back he forgot to lock our door. We got caught up in what we were doing, looked up, and there he was. We paniced and yelled for him to get out. He ran out crying, so my guy put his clothes back on and went into his room. My son screamed to get out and he never wanted to see him again. I went and talked to him and he had heard me and thought his dad was hurting me. I tried telling him daddy didn't hurt me but he wouldn't buy it. Today he won't look at my husband and pulls away when he tries to hug him. My husband is beside himself, he adores our son. What should We do? Have we royally screwed up our kid? Edited June 15, 2012 by Worriedmama Link to post Share on other sites
TripLine Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 LOL. I am not sure what's worse, seeing your parents banging at 5 or 25. Either way, when he gets older and starts liking girls, he will understand. No, he will not be mad forever. What were you guys doing that would make your son think your husband is hurting you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Worriedmama Posted June 16, 2012 Author Share Posted June 16, 2012 LOL. I am not sure what's worse, seeing your parents banging at 5 or 25. Either way, when he gets older and starts liking girls, he will understand. No, he will not be mad forever. What were you guys doing that would make your son think your husband is hurting you? I think it was the way he was on me, he saw EVERYTHING and the fact I was being kinda loud... He is so angry at my husband he won't even look at him now. Should we tell him what we were doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Should we tell him what we were doing? Yes you should tell him everything.. 5 years old is the perfect age to tell him you were getting banged by your husband... I think it is time to explain the massive orgasm you were having also... It's a good thing you weren't having anal.. explaining that to a 5 year old might be kind tricky Anybody smell anything ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Worriedmama Posted June 16, 2012 Author Share Posted June 16, 2012 Not about sex, but we're trying to have another baby... Do we just let it go? Link to post Share on other sites
TripLine Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Not about sex, but we're trying to have another baby... Do we just let it go? I think you should explain the necessities. Like you two were trying to have another baby. If he ask how, tell him that he is too young to understand. You have to put it in words that a 5 year old can understand. Also, he will eventually forget about this when he gets older. But there are things that scar you for life, for me, it was the movie IT. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 My husband came home after two weeks on the job. We have a 5 year old son and want another baby, we put our boy to bed and started messinG around. I had him go check to make sure he was sleeping (which he was) and on the way back he forgot to lock our door. We got caught up in what we were doing, looked up, and there he was. We paniced and yelled for him to get out. He ran out crying, so my guy put his clothes back on and went into his room. My son screamed to get out and he never wanted to see him again. I went and talked to him and he had heard me and thought his dad was hurting me. I tried telling him daddy didn't hurt me but he wouldn't buy it. Today he won't look at my husband and pulls away when he tries to hug him. My husband is beside himself, he adores our son. What should We do? Have we royally screwed up our kid? You two totally overreacted. Best way to have handled that is to calmly stop what you were doing (chances are at 5 your kid would have no idea it was sex and if he asked you just say, mommy and daddy were being silly and tickling eachother. Really down play it..no big deal).. Yelling at a 5 year old and making him cry wasn't cool. He doesn't understand and wouldn't understand what was happening. Anyway, to him it was scary and the yelling didn't help. In all honesty, right now you both need to show him lots of love and affection, make him feel safe. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 LOL. I am not sure what's worse, seeing your parents banging at 5 or 25. Either way, when he gets older and starts liking girls, he will understand. No, he will not be mad forever. What were you guys doing that would make your son think your husband is hurting you? 25!! Because you KNOW what sex is and understand how gross it is to walk in your folks. At age 5, a child won't think ewww sex, I want to now scratch my eyes out.. They probably react in confusion and wonder what the moving around the bed is and the noises. best way (too late now) is just to stop, don't react and take the kid back to bed.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Worriedmama Posted June 16, 2012 Author Share Posted June 16, 2012 We both feel just so bad, he's been a step behind me all morning watching me. When I go into our room he stops in the hall and waits for me to come out again... I told him he could come in too but he won't. He keeps wanting me to pick him up and hold him too. He grew out of that a year ago, but won't let my husband pick him up. He also gets a stricken look when my guy comes over to me. Is there a reason he wants me more than my husband? I think I yelled louder when he came in. Link to post Share on other sites
wow04 Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 We both feel just so bad, he's been a step behind me all morning watching me. When I go into our room he stops in the hall and waits for me to come out again... I told him he could come in too but he won't. He keeps wanting me to pick him up and hold him too. He grew out of that a year ago, but won't let my husband pick him up. He also gets a stricken look when my guy comes over to me. Is there a reason he wants me more than my husband? I think I yelled louder when he came in. He wants you more, because he thinks your husband hurt you. In his own 5 year old way, he is protecting you. You said your husband had been a way for 2 weeks. So for those 2 weeks it was just you and your boy. Talk to him, let him know that you and your husband love each other, and your husband would never hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
TripLine Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 We both feel just so bad, he's been a step behind me all morning watching me. When I go into our room he stops in the hall and waits for me to come out again... I told him he could come in too but he won't. He keeps wanting me to pick him up and hold him too. He grew out of that a year ago, but won't let my husband pick him up. He also gets a stricken look when my guy comes over to me. Is there a reason he wants me more than my husband? I think I yelled louder when he came in. He thinks his father is lying and want to catch him in the act. He thinks that if he is with you, then no harm will come to you. Also, boys love their mother more. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Sit him down and explain to him how men and women get together to make babies. He won't want much detail. But he needs to understand that it requires both of you being together on a bed. Be very matter of fact with him. And apologize for overreacting. He'll get it. And don't push his dad on him. It'll work out. Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Well I have her 14 year old living in my house with us and her 18 year old is there temporarily for two more months before he moves out. I set down a set of rules for both of them before they moved in and one of the rules is that my office and my bedroom was off limits. I do not have to lock my door, they know better. She used to let the 14 year old sleep with her when she had her own place and that creeped me out. I dont even want her kids anywhere near my bed. It just makes me uncomfortable. To me the bedroom is sacred. Its where we sleep and where we have sex period! It is NOT a family room! It is NOT a place for mommy and Jr to spend quality time. I think they get that now. I do miss dating her when we had privacy and her two yougest would stay elsewhere. Sex was spontanious and we had privacy to the point that we didnt have to worry about how loud we were. Having them here puts a damper on this. But I knew what I was getting into when I married her so it's a temporary sacrifice I was willing to make. It's going to be an interesting year to say the least. We just got back from our honeymoon and all the teething pains are sure to hit us soon. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 g450, did your wife agree to these rules? Or did you tell the kids and expect her to go along with them? Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Just tell your son that his Dad wasn't hurting you and that the two of you are trying to make a baby brother/sister. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 I don't get why you yelled at him to get out, he wasn't doing anything wrong, poor kid Link to post Share on other sites
Author Worriedmama Posted June 25, 2012 Author Share Posted June 25, 2012 We both feel bad about yelling... It was just because he caught us by surprise, not because we were angry. It was more of a "what are you doing in here? Get out now" type thing. We both keep telling him how sorry we are and we both love him more than anything in the world. I've had to lay with him until he falls asleep Almost every night. I don't mind though, I tried not to one night and he just kept calling for me, and saying he was scared. We haven't tried again since... Which sucks, but we've got to get him to trust us (well, really my husband) again. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Did you follow the advice and have the talk with him? Not just the 'we love you' one? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 We both feel bad about yelling... It was just because he caught us by surprise, not because we were angry. It was more of a "what are you doing in here? Get out now" type thing. We both keep telling him how sorry we are and we both love him more than anything in the world. I've had to lay with him until he falls asleep Almost every night. I don't mind though, I tried not to one night and he just kept calling for me, and saying he was scared. We haven't tried again since... Which sucks, but we've got to get him to trust us (well, really my husband) again. You need to talk to him and explain things. Or get your Dr involved. The kid shouldn't be this scared so many weeks after the fact. He isn't processing this well at all. Is he having nightmares? Is he clingy (sounds like he just wants you, not his daddy).. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Worriedmama Posted June 26, 2012 Author Share Posted June 26, 2012 Yeah, we have told him that we want him to have a new brother or sister. He seemed to understand and genuinely like the idea, so he knows what we were doing. He's coming around but still seems distrustful of my husband. He's started to let my husband play cars with him again, so hopefully he's almost over it. I've never considered him to be clingy, but we do spend a lot of time together. I'm a stay at home mom, so he's with me more than his dad. Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 g450, did your wife agree to these rules? Or did you tell the kids and expect her to go along with them? We discussed this when she moved in with me and she agreed to it. She knows what my boundries are and respects them. Otherwise we would not have gotten married in the first place. There is an old saying: Good fences make good neighbors. Look at how many failed marriages are on here where wiffypoo thought it would be a good idea to let mother in law move in etc. You have to set boundries early on so there will be no conflict later. Link to post Share on other sites
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