notbroken Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 She is most likely already cheating. I was in a similar situation. If a lady is going without panties for anyone but you, staying out late with other cheaters who bash their husbands while picking up people, gives you the 'not in love with you' BS, you can be 99% sure she is already cheating or will asap. She is not worth it. For you own self esteem and happiness, get out ASAP. As hard as that is, you can NOT make someone love you. It is not worth living in a loveless marriage long term. Been there done that. Don't do it to yourself. You are NOT helping your kids by being miserable either. So sorry, but my advice is to RUN, not walk from her cheating no love giving self. Link to post Share on other sites
thirtyplusshaadi Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 When you realize that she is not love with you then why are you still stay with her.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author powfiend Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 Have been to counseling now for three and half months, both IC and MC. Therapist says I have no proof, so I need to let it drop and that my lack of faith in her is creating more pain and drama for her. Turns out wife may have abandonment issues. She feels empy inside since youth, has been in rehab for Bulimia in her earlyy 20's, alchohol rehab in her twenties etc... So, the confusing issue here is that abandonment issues manifest similarly, if not paralell to infidelity patterns. Over the past two years our fights have beome worse with her being violent against me etc. I have not met her violence with more violence fortunately. In one instance, she broke all our wedding pictures, has hit me repeatedly. Therapist said I need to c all the police next time otherwise I will enable her. So, sure enough, she hits me again, and instead of calling cops, I kick her out. Anyway, all these fights have been met with a cycle of I'm so sorry etc.. and I take her in. Interestingly, she will not continue on with IC, but will go for MC. In our MC we had to make contracts. I asked for no physical violence, no talking when its heated and no parenting when out of control. She asked that I stop posting on forums, stop communicating with my family and that she can keep the circle of toxic friends. Next MC she freaks out in front of MC with full aggression, sarcasm and contempt as usual. Third MC, she tells Therapist, since we work in the same house etc,, that she has no alone time etc... fair and feels I have controlled her so she cannot comfortably workout ( w toxic friends etc.) or do anything on her own. I interepreted it as a need for space. So, naturally, I go quiet processing even more information confirming either A, she is cheating or B. does not want to be married etc... The only investigating I have done is ATT wireless records. Nothing out of the ordinary other than internet media data usage fo 7KB or 15 KB or 35 KB... checked phone, dont see any text apps. Its an iphone 3. So, throughout this time she has been threatending to end it as she cannot live this way. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Author powfiend Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 This is where we are now: Guilt-tripping her back into the marriage won't bring her back. You need to act strong and act now, because quite frankly, after this indiference the next step is hatred for you, for holding her down through marriage and that's when things will turn ugly. Read up also the book Women's Infidelity by Michele ... something. PS: Those 2 friends of hers who are adulterers, they are the ones who are encouraging her. Link to post Share on other sites
karnak Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 You can be quite sure that she's already cheating or looking for your replacement. Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 I also received the I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore spiel about two years ago. Her two closest friends are admitted adulterers, both of which she runs with frequently and often comes home telling me they didn't run, they walked. Always in the morning. I initiate all intimacy, period unless she is guilted into it. She used to come home and shower immediately, not so much anymore. Now she goes sans panties in her pants often, total change. What to do? Why are you staying with a woman that told you that she's not in love with you?? What kind of marriage is that? All this checking and worrying you have to do can't be fun. If you can't trust someone, you shouldn't be with them. What to do? Obviously you two are going to have to go to marriage counseling if your marriage is going to survive. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Well Pow, sorry to hear it hasn't gotten any better. I have no real help for you except for this part. H In one instance, she broke all our wedding pictures, has hit me repeatedly. Therapist said I need to c all the police next time otherwise I will enable her. So, sure enough, she hits me again, and instead of calling cops, I kick her out. A Big mistake...don't call the cops unless she is going going to seriously hurt others. Notice I said seriously..if she isn't armed to something, handle it yourself. In most cases, cops just make it worse on the man, and will either taser somebody(doctors appointment) or outright kill someone. Either way, no matter who they arrest, if your married, it will cost you money. Plus someone will have a criminal record. The police in the US are not anybody's friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Baroid015 Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 Man you headed for an unavoidable heartbreak. I too have a wife that everyone wants to know a lot better but she knows she's married and everything that means. I totally feel for you, if my wife would act like that I would go nuts. Sounds like she's gonna cheat on you and break your heart and if se doesn't and jus keeps doing what she's been doing she's gonna break your heart. You can't live a marraige that way. To me it obvious to end the marriage and let her live that life she so eagerly wants and you go find a stunning wife that knows how to act rt. and if you do decide to end it "DON'T TAKE HER BACK" she's not gonna change. Link to post Share on other sites
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