How should I interpret his behavior? What does this mean?

[darkmoon]

i read about how to get an MM - no sex but you must make yourself a good catch

 

i think that sleeping with him could put you in the position of being made redundant, people at work would notice, maybe just a few, but then your secret's out, so far it's flirtation men can do this flirting for fun

 

if you already have feelings for him, make sure he's free to reciprocate, sex in your emotional state will make you fall hard for him make you pine for him and miss him alot (am a woman, i've screwed alot, so i know) he should please come back single men leave home when they want, but alas not when a side peice asks xx don't get hurt or embroiled in an office scandal

Edited June 21, 2012 by darkmoon

[TooInvolved2]

I read this whole thread more than a little horrified that this MM would knowingly have sex with the OP knowing that she has herpes which he could easily spread to his wife.

 

It never occurred to me that MM could already have herpes but he wasn't going to tell the OP.

 

OP have you considered this possibility?

Sure have.

 

TooInvolved2,

 

Sorry if I missed it, did the flirting begin at the same time you expressed interest in the new position?

The flirting was first, weeks ahead of any job talk. But to clarify, I wasn't the first to express interest in the new job. I didn't even know they were hiring. MM brought it up to me and said he'd talked to the dept director about my skills. Nothing was said or done for a couple weeks after that, so I assumed it wasn't going to happen. But then the dept director came to me and asked for my resume.

[TooInvolved2]

First you say he won't try or discuss, then you show proof that he did seek medical treatment and it just didn't work.

 

So he DID try.

 

 

 

 

Have you ever put yourself in his shoes? Of course not. You already admitted he tried and even doctors couldn't help him. So what do you expect him to do? Go to a medium to see if there is a demon that can be extracted from him?

 

Of course he doesn't want to talk about it. You know how humiliating it must be for him? Do you care?

 

 

 

 

 

Why? Because your husband has a medical problem through no fault of his own?

 

Don't be angry, just set your H free from you. I understand if you may be frustrated by the whole no sex thing, but you have no right to be angry at him for something that isn't his fault. Or do you think he wants something to be wrong with him and deny himself one of the great pleasures of life?

 

 

 

Interpret them how you want. You'll find out later if he just wanted to get a piece of rump or not.

 

But I just am trying to wrap my head around this. You have an STD, husband has a problem that he HAS seen a doctor for according to you, he "can't", whatever that means, I'm quite sure he doesn't want it to be this way, and this is not his fault. But YOU are "angry" and he is somehow the a*****le here?.

 

I'm bewildered. I can't imagine a wife of mine having a problem medically, or for some reason through no fault of hers, not being able to have sex, and although I may be disappointed that I can't have sex with her, the last thing I'd be is angry with her. Geez, have some compassion.

 

As far as what your MM is thinking, who cares. Take responsibility for your choices and deal with whatever comes at you.

 

Oh, and set your H free. He doesn't deserve this.

You.have.no.idea.what.you.are.talking.about. Correction: you're right on one thing - you're bewildered, for sure. Thanks for your, um, help.

[SomedayDig]

Hmmm...why not just find a single guy to bang. That'd sure take a bunch of drama out of your equation. Just an idea to save a whole lotta people a whole lotta pain.

[nofool4u]

You.have.no.idea.what.you.are.talking.about. Correction: you're right on one thing - you're bewildered, for sure. Thanks for your, um, help.

 

Nice try.

 

You are the one that said he went to the doctor and nothing helped.

 

So enlighten us, am I wrong that you are angry at him for something that isn't of his doing and can't help?

 

You said he did seek medical help, but then say he won't try. So what else is he suppose to do?

 

Call it what it is, you aren't getting sex and it frustrates you. I get it and understand it.

 

But to be angry with him over it, thats just reprehensible. Do your H a favor and divorce him. He doesn't need someone that is going to get angry at him for a condition that isn't his fault.

 

And your inability to refute what I said, and using your own words as proof of my correct assessment, tells me I am absolutey right on all counts. You know it, you just don't want to admit you are that way towards someone that can't help his conidition.

[Alice2012]

I want to be with him in a real relationship - emotional and sexual. Yes, I know how ludicrous that sounds. I want respect (despite my dumb behavior, as of late). I don't want to feel like a side-piece, and a Mon-Fri one, at that! I want him to be honest with me - whatever the truth is. And I want out of my marriage. But I do want my husband to be happy too. This is what I want, not that any of it is possible.

 

 

Yes, it is ludicrous.

 

I strongly suspect you'll be back here within 2 years telling us you divorced your husband and gave MM an ultimatum to leave his wife.

 

You don't realize it yet, but your story (and it's eventual outcome) is classic and predictable. . . and it won't end well. But it will end.

Edited June 22, 2012 by Alice2012

[IfWishesWereHorses]

The flirting was first, weeks ahead of any job talk. But to clarify, I wasn't the first to express interest in the new job. I didn't even know they were hiring. MM brought it up to me and said he'd talked to the dept director about my skills. Nothing was said or done for a couple weeks after that, so I assumed it wasn't going to happen. But then the dept director came to me and asked for my resume.

 

Sounds like he is grooming you. Pour you energy in your new position and be nice, detach yourself completely emotionally and don't allow yourself to be used for his fun, flirtations

and ego boosts.

[eleanorrigby]

Sure, he has shown me some emotional investment. But I can see why you would say/think that.

 

No he isnt my boss. He doesnt have to be my boss to have influence at work. He is an exec. Im in a rather lowly position, presently. Yes, it would be wrongful termination. But who is to say he wouldnt try to convince my boss (his colleague and equal) to dismiss me if he felt so inclined?

 

Thing is, ppl at work know he "likes" me and have begun to talk. They keep saying, "I think Mr X likes you. He's always at your desk" or " He looks mesmerized by you." I dont know if they realize I like him back. Either way, if I ended things and his ego got bruised, who knows what he'd do? I dont...

 

IF you get terminated, file a wrongful termination suit. That's your right. Call the EEOC and file a claim. You sound as if you are ready to spread your legs for this guy to avoid getting fired!! Come on now!!

[eleanorrigby]

I don't know..........are you? My spidey senses are tingling but yet I don't know.

 

There have been ow who are not happy with LS who come back and post stories just to waste people's time and so they can laugh and there have been BS's who post stories so they can get a laugh too.

 

I've been noticing that a lot lately.

[Drseussgrrl]

Jesus. Are you really this clueless. Contemplating an affair with a superior in your company who is married and you have herpes?!

 

Why do people willingly go into situations they know are going to blow up in their face and leave a wake of heartache surrounding those around them.

 

Unbelievable.

[nofool4u]

No he isnt my boss. He doesnt have to be my boss to have influence at work. He is an exec. Im in a rather lowly position, presently. Yes, it would be wrongful termination.

 

Not if they terminated you both. And thats exactly what should happen.

 

But lets say you sleep with him, and something tells me you will, and his wife gets herpes and finds out. What would you expect her to do for justice?

 

What would be fair for her to do to you?

 

 

But who is to say he wouldnt try to convince my boss (his colleague and equal) to dismiss me if he felt so inclined?

 

Well then here is an easy solution, don't get involved with him.

 

You can play the "whats to say" game all you want. You mean you have thought all this through and still don't get it? You still don't understand the consequences?

 

"Whats to say" you won't go to the board and tell them you had an affair with an exec? "Whats to say?"

 

 

Thing is, ppl at work know he "likes" me and have begun to talk. They keep saying, "I think Mr X likes you. He's always at your desk" or " He looks mesmerized by you." I dont know if they realize I like him back. Either way, if I ended things and his ego got bruised, who knows what he'd do? I dont...

 

If things were ended and nothing happened, THEN you'd have a point.

 

But if you willingly have sex with this guy, you have nothing to complain about. You take the consequences. Whether it be you both get terminated, or his wife comes looking for you after getting herpes.

[TooInvolved2]

Nice try.

 

You are the one that said he went to the doctor and nothing helped.

 

So enlighten us, am I wrong that you are angry at him for something that isn't of his doing and can't help?

 

You said he did seek medical help, but then say he won't try. So what else is he suppose to do?

 

Call it what it is, you aren't getting sex and it frustrates you. I get it and understand it.

 

But to be angry with him over it, thats just reprehensible. Do your H a favor and divorce him. He doesn't need someone that is going to get angry at him for a condition that isn't his fault.

 

And your inability to refute what I said, and using your own words as proof of my correct assessment, tells me I am absolutey right on all counts. You know it, you just don't want to admit you are that way towards someone that can't help his conidition.

Nice "try" at what? I don't have to try to do anything. You've read a couple of paragraphs and think you have me all summed up. But you've gotten most of your assessments wrong. I'm not unable to refute your arguments; I'm unwilling. Of course you'll use my reply as proof (again) that you're right. But whatever. I'm too annoyed to argue further.

 

Yes, it is ludicrous.

 

I strongly suspect you'll be back here within 2 years telling us you divorced your husband and gave MM an ultimatum to leave his wife.

 

You don't realize it yet, but your story (and it's eventual outcome) is classic and predictable. . . and it won't end well. But it will end.

Oh yeah, I know. My situation is nothing very new.

 

The flirting was first, weeks ahead of any job talk. But to clarify, I wasn't the first to express interest in the new job. I didn't even know they were hiring. MM brought it up to me and said he'd talked to the dept director about my skills. Nothing was said or done for a couple weeks after that, so I assumed it wasn't going to happen. But then the dept director came to me and asked for my resume.

 

Sounds like he is grooming you. Pour you energy in your new position and be nice, detach yourself completely emotionally and don't allow yourself to be used for his fun, flirtations

and ego boosts.

How so? Just telling me he talk to the hiring person? "Grooming" sounds way more involved than that IMO.

 

IF you get terminated, file a wrongful termination suit. That's your right. Call the EEOC and file a claim. You sound as if you are ready to spread your legs for this guy to avoid getting fired!! Come on now!!

Oh no, not all. Do I want to sleep with him? Yes. Just for my job? No.

[Trimmer]

How so? Just telling me he talk to the hiring person? "Grooming" sounds way more involved than that IMO.

I don't mean this in a mean way, but you sound kinda naive. She didn't mean "grooming" you for the job. She meant "grooming" you to be his f**ktoy by facilitating your job advancement, so you would feel obliged to return the favor. Or feel trapped. Which you do.

[TooInvolved2]

I don't mean this in a mean way, but you sound kinda naive. She didn't mean "grooming" you for the job. She meant "grooming" you to be his f**ktoy by facilitating your job advancement, so you would feel obliged to return the favor. Or feel trapped. Which you do.

I knew that part, as it was obvious. But again him just saying, "I told Hiring Mgr X that you had xyz job skills" wouldn't inspire much indebtedness. idk...maybe he thought it would. Edited June 23, 2012 by TooInvolved2

[Trimmer]

I knew that part, as it was obvious. But again him just saying, "I told Hiring Mgr X that you had xyz job skills" wouldn't inspire much indebtedness. idk...maybe he thought it would.

... but yet, just a few days ago, you commented yourself that it would inspite indebtedness:

And to complicate things more, he put in a good word for me for a better position. I interviewed, etc., etc., and I just got a job offer. I guess I'm indebted to him now.

I was just going on what you said...

 

You can split hairs over just exactly how he said it, to try to make yourself feel better, but the bottom line is he's an executive, and he talked to the hiring manager on your behalf, and they sought you out and you got the offer. If he's an upright guy, that would be the end of it - he would have done the right thing to help a company employee move to a better position to do a good job for the company.

 

On the other hand, if he's a sleazeball looking for leverage to get you into bed, then I would think that what he did would seem like leverage to him.

 

So it's not so much about the objective truth of just what he did and how he said it and how a reasonable person would interpret all of it. It's about what he thinks he did for you, and whether he expects something personal in return for that.

[TooInvolved2]

^^^Ahh, yes, I see now. Agreed.

[nofool4u]

Nice "try" at what? I don't have to try to do anything. You've read a couple of paragraphs and think you have me all summed up. But you've gotten most of your assessments wrong. I'm not unable to refute your arguments; I'm unwilling. Of course you'll use my reply as proof (again) that you're right.

 

Ok, tell me I'm wrong and that your H didn't try to get medical help for his problem, tell me I'm wrong and that you are not angry(because you already said you were), tell me I'm wrong and that you don't have herpes, and tell me I'm wrong and that you aren't thinking about sleeping with this MM therefore putting his W at risk.

 

I have you summed up nicely by what you said. You say I don't know what I'm talking about. I am addressing what YOU said. So unless you didn't mean what you said, then again, "nice try" with the whole, "you don't know what you are talking about" thing.

[missgangrene]

Sure have.

 

The flirting was first, weeks ahead of any job talk. But to clarify, I wasn't the first to express interest in the new job. I didn't even know they were hiring. MM brought it up to me and said he'd talked to the dept director about my skills. Nothing was said or done for a couple weeks after that, so I assumed it wasn't going to happen. But then the dept director came to me and asked for my resume.

 

So do you think MM has herpes?