Miss Olivia Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Just curious. Most newly married couples are given the same piece of advice. "Don't sweat the small stuff." What if over time the small stuff snowballs into big snowball of resentment. Then it doesn't seem so small. My problem is learning when to confront an issue and when to let it go. When is it considered big enough to "sweat?" :confused: Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Could you pls make your question a bit more subjective ? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 OK, big stuff is thing like family compatibility, religious views, wanting kids, who's going to be a stay-at-home parent, jobs/careers.... Little things are about ringing if you're going to be late for dinner, squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle, coming into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat when dinner's only 20 minutes away, leaving the empty pack in the cupboard/fridge when you've taken the last *one*, laundry in the basket, not the bathroom floor, taking the trash out, washing up, those kinds of things. And those kinds of things can just as well de-stabilise a relationship, as much as the big stuff. Let's say the big stuff are the large bricks of your home, and the 'small stuff' is the mortar. the bricks look more impressive and important (We say 'bricks and mortar' not 'mortar and bricks', right?) but try taking the mortar away, and all you have is an unstable pile of bricks. One shove and over they go. It's not about "when to confront an issue and when to let it go." Because in time, anything can get too big to sweat. The secret is knowing HOW to communicate effectively, so that you reach a win/win situation, and not a win/lose, or lose/lose. Communication is not only about getting it across. It's about getting it through. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Just curious. Most newly married couples are given the same piece of advice. "Don't sweat the small stuff." What if over time the small stuff snowballs into big snowball of resentment. Then it doesn't seem so small. My problem is learning when to confront an issue and when to let it go. When is it considered big enough to "sweat?" :confused: I agree. I think I was the perfect spouse at not sweating the small stuff. I was happy to do what my wife wanted. Turns out she wanted me to sweat all the stuff (to take charge and be a leader). She was also seriously conflict avoidant and so instead of addressing her resentment, she eventually just went off and had an affair. Bear in mind, we pretty much never argued (twice a year maybe and always made up by morning). Whatever the issue, I always thought it less important than my lifelong relationship with my wife. Guess that didn't work. As well, just about every example of infidelity I read (about immeasurable at this point), eventually says, "and I started to get resentful about his/her ______." It seems to me that most affairs begin due to unresolved resentment Link to post Share on other sites
Radagast Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Just curious. Most newly married couples are given the same piece of advice. "Don't sweat the small stuff." What if over time the small stuff snowballs into big snowball of resentment. Then it doesn't seem so small. My problem is learning when to confront an issue and when to let it go. When is it considered big enough to "sweat?" :confused: If it bugs you, but you forget about it immediately after, it's small. If it bugs you, and it happens again and bugs you more, it's big. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GLDheart Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I am of the opinion that communicating an issue is good. Being an abusive prick/bitch about it however is bad. Wether the issue was big or small is irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss Olivia Posted June 18, 2012 Author Share Posted June 18, 2012 If it bugs you, but you forget about it immediately after, it's small. If it bugs you, and it happens again and bugs you more, it's big. I like this! Also I'm keeping things in perspective. He is a good man with a good heart. He's not perfect and neither am I. I probably bug him more than he bugs me when it comes to certain things! Link to post Share on other sites
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