marriage problems

[soapoperahaven]

ok i will try to make this as short and to the point as i possibly can. my marriage is totally messed up not even because we have problems but because in the very beginning we never got together because we wanted to it was just better for both of us to be with someone. i do not love him and not even sure i ever did i have 3 kids 2 of which are his and i think that is the only thing holding us together right now cause i knowit would be better for them in many ways to stay with him. well i know we both have not been faithful to each other and he will deny that he has done anything other than one time that he knows i know for sure all else he wont admit cause he doesnt think that i know but the problem is he has a fit thinking i am trying to do stuff with one of our mutual friends who just so happens to be my sisters husband and i wont like i have done something before but nothing much and he knows that but he now thinks there is so much more going on and while it seems to be ok for him it isnt for me he acts as if i am his possesion and should not do anything he claims his love for me and with all the circumstances surrounding why we have to stay together i have to lie and say i love him also. what i am trying to get advice about is what should i do how can i livein a loveless marriage and pretend so many things it is so hard please help me

[Verymuchinlove]

how old is your son? I would really suggest counsiling at this point. Both of you have a lot to talk about and a lot to express. There is so much that it probably feels impossible to find a spot to begin. Be possitive, keep your son in mind and bring up the topic in a cautious way that does not belittle him. Tell him that you had a great day, you feel like something is somehow (good) different, that you feel closer to him and you'd like to get things back on track like they used to be. Ask him if he'd help you with that. Don't bring up the dirt. Hopefully he will be possitive. Ask what you can do to make things easier and how you can both communicate better. After you brainstorm for a bit ease into the conversation that you heard something on the radio talking about how cousiling can be verybefefital and a good way to get a fresh start. By easing into it I think you'll have the best shot at him accepting it... it will be sort of like he had the idea too. (part of the phsychology I learned from watching my parents).

 

Both of you are probably pretty defensive right now. It will require your strength to get the ball rollling. You've already demonstrated that strength by seeking help.

[valdeem]

It sounds like you are going through a tough time. As you said communication is so key to keeping a relationship going. Sometimes it's so hard to know where to start when things seem to fall apart.

 

But, I just read a helpful article that I deals with some of the issues you mentioned. It's called, "My Beloved husband in whom I am well pleased." It's on http://www.spirituality.com and you can read it here.....http://tinyurl.com/2pbnz.

 

This woman tells how within the first year of marriage her husband lost his job, they had a baby, and how their communication turned into constant fighting. Although over the years, she thought many times of leaving, she tells how a spiritual perspective helped turn things around.

 

Hope you find some comforting ideas there.

[Verymuchinlove]

valdeem has a good point. Prayer is a powerful weapon to combat problems. It may sound stupid or you might not beleive in that sort of thing, but I am fairly religious, and prayers have gotten me through every problem I prayed for... sometimes significat events have happened hours after I pray for them. Just be sure that your intensions are pure and you pray for the right thing and they'll be heard. Good luck.