Capris Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Hello, Was reading another thread and some questions popped up. Is it normal for the MM/MW to break up with his AP after a divorce? Like needing "time and space" for him/herself etc? If he/she does and is honest with you about it, will you accept them back even if you found out they have slept with other people? I find it mathematically logic to accept them back as they were honest about the situation and of course, they chose you in the end. But, do these rules apply for Married people who had affairs? Thanks in advanced and yes, some questions are relevant to my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Radagast Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Hello, Was reading another thread and some questions popped up. Is it normal for the MM/MW to break up with his AP after a divorce? Like needing "time and space" for him/herself etc? If he/she does and is honest with you about it, will you accept them back even if you found out they have slept with other people? I find it mathematically logic to accept them back as they were honest about the situation and of course, they chose you in the end. But, do these rules apply for Married people who had affairs? Thanks in advanced and yes, some questions are relevant to my situation. I can't speak for everyone as I'm sure all unfaithful spouses are different and all affairs are different, but I certainly felt no need to break up with my affair partner after my divorce. We got engaged during the affair and married as soon as the divorce was finalised. I did have some time by myself during the divorce but did not date other people. I used that time to focus on my counselling and helping my kids through the split. Perhaps your lover feels differently and needs to be sure that he is ready to settle down in another serious relationship having just left his marriage. Perhaps part of that is needing to date other people. I am sure there are as many flavours of "normal" as there are people. What matters is whether you feel comfortable with his choices. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Capris Posted June 17, 2012 Author Share Posted June 17, 2012 Hi Radagast and thank you for your reply! Its really nice to hear how sure you were for your decision and how you did take time for your kids after the divorce. I hope everything is going well!! You are right. It does differ from one person to another. "My" MM, didnt say he is dating or wanted to,its just an assumption im making, to be prepared. My logic is ok with it, as long as he is honest about it. I would love for him to come back and be 100% sure of his choice, rather then think he wasnt ready for another full comitment. Will my heart be able to cope with it? Dunno. Depends on how honest he is. After the A, even i need time for me. I need to redefine me as a person. I used to be second. I was used to be treated as such. If we continued, i would probably still be acting as second. The time we have apart actually helps me and as far as i see, its helping him too. I dont know if this will bring us closer in the end, but if we individually progress, it will be all good. Again, thank you for your reply! Im still curious to hear from more people who ended their marriage and either dumped or continued their relationship with their OW/OM. Did you take time ?Did you date other people? Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I can't speak for him but he never indicated or showed any desire to date others after he separated/divorced. I didn't want to date others either if he was in my life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I can't speak for him but he never indicated or showed any desire to date others after he separated/divorced. I didn't want to date others either if he was in my life. Ditto this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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