Heartbroken and confused

[kelsi111]

My ex and I were only together for about 6 months. About 6 weeks before we broke up we slept with each other and told each other that we loved one another. We wanted to be together for ever.

 

I'm 21, but he's the first guy that I have ever loved, even though I have dated a fair bit.

 

Two weeks later we had a condom break. It was the day after my period so it took a month to see if I was pregnant or not.

 

During that month my parents were also having problems. I am in college, but still live at home. I didn't tell him about my family problems or how stressed I was about the pregnancy. On top of that, I'm starting my own company, so I had stressors there as well.

 

We broke up exactly one month after the condom broke because of fighting. He also got mad that I went to a bachelorette party for my best friend where there was a stripper. I left when he was stripping, but my ex doesn't believe me.

 

Towards the end he started having jealousy problems. Most of my friends are guys and I'm in a major that is about 85% male (computer science) so I always hang with guys, but they are just friends. And since I was so stressed out between my parents and the pregnancy, I was really clingy. He told me that we should see other people and that he didn't know when he stopped loving me.

 

Yesterday (a week and a day after we broke up) I stopped by his place to give him back his XP software that he had left at my place, and get back an ethernet cable that I had left there. He invited me in to play with his puppy for a quick second. It came up that there was a guy that I was interested in and he started to yell at me and was upset that I was moving on. I was like, dude, you dumped ME! And he yelled really really loud, "it doesn't f***ing matter."

 

That really annoyed me because I hate people swearing at me and he knows it. I said that I was sorry for talking about it. He had told me to see other people and I'm not even seeing this new guy and I do still love my ex, but I'm not going to sit and pine away over him.

 

I had just this week gotten a new internship downtown that pays really well and have my own little office and everything so I was really really happy and he almost seemed annoyed that I was happy. I guess lots of things have been going badly for him the past week. He claims that it is karma. But this has been a great week for me.

 

Well, we started to talk and he said that he didn't want a relationship, but when he did he wanted it to be with me. He said that he didn't want me to date other people, but he didn't want to date me either.

 

Between being a model, and in a hard degree field, I'm one of those girls that gets hit on a lot. So, it's easy for me to find a date and I pretty much have my pick. But he is the only guy I want.

 

He hugged me and then walked over to the sofa and when I didn't follow took my hand and led me there and wanted to lay down and cuddle. He said that he missed having me around to share things with. He said he loved me, but was so sick of the fighting.

 

We didn't fight much before the condom broke. Then he suddenly sat up and said it was a bad idea. He wouldn't hug me again.

 

I had written him a huge note that I was just planning on leaving with him explaining how stressed out I had been and what I had thought about. In the note I didn't ask for him back, but I did say that I loved him. I sounded ready to move on, but sad that I had to.

 

I miss him so much. I know I am fine without him, but I'd rather be with him. I wish there was something I could do to get him back. But in reality, I don't know if I want him back. I sort of want to date other people and see what is out there, but I know if I do then I won't be able to get with him ever again. I miss him. Then again, it is nice to be able to hang out with my guy friends again.

[lydiamarie]

so you're brilliant AND beautiful? and he loves you but doesn't want to be with you?

 

i think he's nuts and i think you can do better.

 

maybe he'll come to his senses, maybe he won't, but in the meantime date and have fun.