Kamila Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Hi, I've been posting my story in the following thread on the friends/lovers section: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/323938-age-difference-does-matter-guys To sum up, we were coworkers for 3 months on a project and it came to a point where we confided we had feelings for each other. We did the kissing, hugging and stuff. After only 4 days of being together, I went home to his place, and we almost did it. It didn't feel right and I stopped him immediately. My project came to an end, and we're not coworkers anymore. Today, we had a date and we discussed things between us. He agreed that things went very fast between us and that we should have waited. He mentioned also that he had a break-up 2 months ago from a long-term relationship. After hearing that, I immediately thought about rebound. He explained that he's not in a place where he can commit seriously. Because the last relationship left scars. He planned to do everything with the girl he was before me. After hearing that, I told him that I can't be intimate with someone that just came out of a relationship. So we agreed on seeing each other every week to talk and kiss a bit. When we parted he kissed me on the cheek. I feel... Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 So sorry to hear that. Glad you stopped from getting too involved just yet. That would have confused you even more. Take things slowly, and something positive may develop. No guarantees though. Link to post Share on other sites
SarahRose Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 are you dating others? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted June 16, 2012 Author Share Posted June 16, 2012 No, I don't think he's dating someone else. And I'm not dating anyone either. Link to post Share on other sites
Professor X Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 What's the purpose of meeting once a week? That's what you wanted from him? A casual dating? And yes, it does have rebound written all over it, especially after he said he isn't ready for something serious. Link to post Share on other sites
Sid6.7 Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Your post title is misleading based on what you wrote. He apparently knows exactly what he wants, in fact he told you exactly that. Maybe it is you that doesn't know what you want. Now he can pursue other women without the burden of your emotional baggage and mental games. Good for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted June 16, 2012 Author Share Posted June 16, 2012 Your post title is misleading based on what you wrote. He apparently knows exactly what he wants, in fact he told you exactly that. Maybe it is you that doesn't know what you want. Now he can pursue other women without the burden of your emotional baggage and mental games. Good for him. Errr... what ? He told me that he doesn't know what he wants, he said it to me. I told him I want a serious relationship with him only if he's serious with me. What's wrong with saying that to him and him acknowledging this ? I won't be intimate with him before he sees something serious with me. I was perfectly clear with that to him. What emotional baggage ? What mental game ? If I'm not mistaken, rebound is only when you have sex right ? So why can't we meet and have a good conversation without anything else ? Link to post Share on other sites
Sid6.7 Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 He explained that he's not in a place where he can commit seriously. What more do you need to hear? He knows exactly what he wants, yet you somehow titled a post that says the exact opposite. He did the right thing. And when guys do the right thing women bitch about it. Take the ego hit and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
SarahRose Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 No, I don't think he's dating someone else. And I'm not dating anyone either. He's told you he's not interested in something serious which means hell take sex if you allow it but that's it. That means you say to him that's cool. Have a nice life, stop talking to him, and date others. What more do you need to know? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladyabstrused Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Oh Kamila I'm sorry to hear about this. I hope you will feel better soon though. *hugs* So this was the main thing that was holding him back earlier on, when you were trying to figure out what it was. If only he'd been more honest and open before you guys got this close. At least you caught it before you guys had sex, right? So you guys have agreed to meet every other week... as friends? Or like what Prof X said, casual dating? Won't you feel that it is...going to hold you back from seeing other people? Because you're still being more intimate than just normal friends. It'll be okay, I know when you wrote this thread, you wanted to just let it out because you feel disappointed and sad that it's not going the way you had wanted it to. We can't always get what we want in life, huh. In my opinion, now that he's told you exactly where he's at and you've told him that you can't do that with him, you should move on. Though I know it's easier said than done, but I think that's the most logical thing you can do here. :\ Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 He explained that he's not in a place where he can commit seriously. Sounds like he knows what he wants (and does NOT want) to me. I think you just don't want to hear it. Meeting up once a week to kiss sounds like setting yourself up to be a booty call. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted June 17, 2012 Author Share Posted June 17, 2012 Sounds like he knows what he wants (and does NOT want) to me. I think you just don't want to hear it. Meeting up once a week to kiss sounds like setting yourself up to be a booty call. We're not meeting up once a week to just kiss. There wasn't any kissing involved as a matter of fact. At our last date, we talked for 3 hours and we parted with him kissing me on the cheek and wishing me a good evening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted July 15, 2012 Author Share Posted July 15, 2012 Here's how the story ended with my coworker. We saw each other 2 times after the last meeting. The first one was engaged by him, we went out for cupcakes and discussed things between us. He said he isn't looking for anything in his life right now, but he would like to see me as a friend. Cos he finds me nice, blablabla... Then he asked me about what I thought, I said fine, you're coming from a breakup, I understand why you don't want to tie yourself down to a single person. Then he said, it's for 'us'. I found it confusing and said it's weird between us. We parted ways. The week that followed we exchanged some texts and a late night phone call. We set up a get together for the week after, but at the last minute he cancelled. I went hysterical and a couple of days later I demanded to see him and he agreed. I told him to end this ambiguity between us and he understood. He said he doesn't want to commit for the coming years and that he's seeing his ex again. I told him that I respected his decision and that we won't be seeing each other for a long time. I asked him he would like to see me never, in 10 years, 1 year... he didn't say a word. Confusing again. Then we talked about friendship and I suggested we could erase the few dates we had, but he said we did have some intimate moments and it's still here in the air when we talk. So I wanted to leave but he tried keep talking to me and he stared at me and I found the strength to leave him and kissed him goodbye. I won't contact him. Link to post Share on other sites
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