Why do emotional abusers continue to abuse once they have won and destroyed you?

[Brit]

I do not get this. I left my abuser alone; I leave my abuser alone. i just wanted to be left alone, and settled for maybe 4% of what he makes in life, just to get away from it. I thought because he thinks in the mindset he has had ingrained far before me, that women are whores, just want money etc., that this would be a good way for him to leave me alone. I have my own money he knows nothing of, I can take care of myself. I never needed his crap.

Everything, even my jewelery has always been my own, he has never spent a dime on me, everything I own, I have owned from my past. One thing that I think made him angry was he always thought he was better than me, and that I was useless, irresponsible, could never take care of myself. When we were seperated he would be so snide and say you have no credit, you have never paid a bill, he was so disiilusioned, I never opened up to him, I just let it go, as not to make it worse.

My last laugh to him he is starting to figure out is, I have f'ing (i usually do not cuss alot, but it has been feeling good lately) phenomenal, exceptional credit, I have businesses offering me or better said wanting my business for loans without me even requesting it.

I own things I have never even let him know. He STILL opens my mail. For the years I was with him, he won, he had successfully killed my insides....he sees this. But yet, he will come over unannounced for certain papers that need to be done, and I do not say anything, go along, and he will do a switch from his fake persona he is so good at, and will start doing it to me again, the gaslighting, put downs, calls me by anything other than my name in disrespect, in the oddest way, hard to explain, it makes you feel small. I have to say, " " is not my name, ".

Then after all this the next day, he will do nice things I have not asked for, and call and say, I did this and this.....

We are broke up, he has destroyed my insides, he knows it, I have not taken anything from him......and on top of that, I have some properties, and am signing off on a large loan he needs so he can get something he wants. All this and the abuse is still there.

I cannot move....my therapist says this is my only chance at living....but the law prevents it, when there are children involved. I do not want to be his punching bag forever. He will just charm others....never being with them for more than 6 months to a year....his old ways to get to a point where his abusive ways will show. I feel like I will always be the punching bag and I cannot move.

[SarahRose]

you aren't together anymore why do you even have to see him at all?

 

you are giving him a loan why?

 

part of this is you not having boundaries. tell him where to go get a restraining order on him if you have to. once you do that and stick to it he will find another victim.

[storm007]

Why would a therapist tell you being with this person is your chance at living, this does not sound good if you are being emotionally abused by this person? I been and done that, i don't want to sound insensitive, but I would leave, and start over:confused:

[d'Arthez]

Why they do that? Because that is their standard way of relating to people. It is second nature to them.

[Brit]

you aren't together anymore why do you even have to see him at all?

 

you are giving him a loan why?

 

part of this is you not having boundaries. tell him where to go get a restraining order on him if you have to. once you do that and stick to it he will find another victim.

 

I have to see him because of custody, not often, but when he gets his chance he will get his dig in, even after I left him alone, never caused him any drama, and agreed beforehand, to help him with a loan. I have asked a few true friends who know a little about the situation, are out of state, very protective, and they are adamant, i should not help with loan, i do not say too much, because they would probably fly down and kick his ass, which is what he needs at some point in life....he is such an ass and has never had it handed to him.

I have been doing all this, because I thought it would bring peace, comfort....and it knocks me over when his sh*t continues. To the other question, not sure if I wrote it down properly, but my therapist thinks my only savings grace IS to move.

[storm007]

pack up and be gone, you need your money and your mind:)

[M30USA]

Why they do that? Because that is their standard way of relating to people. It is second nature to them.

 

That about explains it.

[CopingGal]

If you sign off on a loan, you will be tied together for a long time. As long as he won't get violent if you decided not to do it...don't do it. I wouldn't give my ex a glass of water in 100 degree whether. I would not do ANYTHING...ANYTHING for my ex. That bastard is on his own.

 

Your ex continues you abuse you because he is an abuser. Nothing more, nothing less. He's being himself. My ex continued to abuse me after he emotionally beat me down to the ground. He continued his abuse...why? Because that's who he is. He lies to himself and tells himself and other people that he is a good, honest person. My ex is the most evil, vile, disgusting creature I have ever met in my life.

 

I wish he would come to me one day, wanting something from me. I'd curse him out and throw him out of my house.

Edited June 17, 2012 by CopingGal

[Brit]

Very complex situation, unfortunately I am binded to him for along while. Thanks for the replies, hope some happiness may lie in the future for me. Only I can bring this upon myself....I have much work to do.

Thanks:)