lovinglife21 Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Hey everyone, So this is hard for me to explain but I am going to try. When me and my ex got together I was of reasonable weight, I hated some parts of my body (namely my tummy and my skin) but generally I was confident. Then in around September I started gaining a lot of weight, eating more, not doing much excersize, due to a disability that I faced. Anyway I put on maybe a stone in about 6 months. A few weeks before we broke up I went on a diet, as my disability was confirmed and I realised it wasn't just a phase and I needed to drastically change my lifestyle. When he broke up with me my whole world shattered, but I maintained the heathy eating, because I was determined to not let him ruin me. Because the break up was so horrendous I moved back in with my parents, and my mother hates me cooking, so it has been hard to stick to the specific diet I was on, so I have generally just tried to make start choices as much as I can. To be honest I'm pretty proud that I haven't been stuffing my face, as that is usually my tactic when I'm depressed (icecream is my particular weakness). The thing is... is that even when I get to my ideal weight I still won't be happy, and it seems that every time I sort something out about myself I find something new to obsess over. I don't know how to combat this. I also feel that part of my motivation is to show my ex that I am attractive, and I just feel that I shouldn't feel like that. I feel like I shouldn't care whether he thinks I am attractive or not. But I sort of want to be like 'look how good I look **** you' type of thing. The other thing is is that he likes 'natural girls' and used to hide my fake tan and make me take my extensions out and shiz, and all of that 'fakeness' gave me confidence, so I'm using those things to give me more confidence, but I still feel awful in myself. I also have a wedding in a few weeks which I feel is my main motivation for losing weight and generally looking better. I don't know... I guess what I'm saying is that I am majorly insecure about how I look at the moment and am trying so hard to make positive changes, yet I don't know how I can ever be truly comfortable in myself, since I never have been. I think part of me thinks 'If I hadn't of get fat/ let myself go maybe he would still love me' and it just eats away at me. Does anyone have any advice on how to combat insecurities and to stop this kind of negative thinking? xx Link to post Share on other sites
SarahRose Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 your opinion of yourself is what matters most. try to work on building your self esteem and what other might or might not think wont matter as much. i have a health problem that has caused me to gain and really really hard to lose. i haven't given up but i have come to accept i might be overweight. i know i am judged differently but really what can i do? i am still a good person. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted June 16, 2012 Share Posted June 16, 2012 Your ego took a big blow and you've assigned your weight as being the cause of the breakup. It was other things over a long period of time. The past is past. If you want to use revenge to motivate you to get in shape, why not? Once you look fantastic, you really won't care about the ex because you will be attracting lots of men who are much better than he was and will have established a healthier lifestyle. Can you get a list of food plans from your doctor so you can have your mum cook them? Otherwise, just cook for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovinglife21 Posted June 17, 2012 Author Share Posted June 17, 2012 My mum hates me cooking she has a OCD about cleaning. But at the moment I'm maintaining it through eating lots of salads and things that don't make much mess, I'm moving out in a week anyway so it's not a long term problem. I don't attribute the whole break up to my weight I guess I just feel like maybe it would have made a difference about his decision to stay. I am aware it's my insecurities talking and not reality but it's so damn hard not to relate the two things. But then I'm the kind of person that obsesses over everything that I might have done to make him break up with me. I know that he's mentally unstable and that the break up was nothing to do with me logically, but sometimes when you're feeling low these horrible thoughts just creep in I need to work on self acceptance, I know that's a massive issue for me. xx Link to post Share on other sites
Sivok Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 This might sound silly, but it worked for me. I started an... appreciation journal. Everyday, I tasked myself with writing 3 things about my life and self that I'm happy about. It was super hard to come up with stuff early on, but it got easier over time. That and staying consistent towards my goals severely helped shift my mindset from negative to positive. For example, each time I see myself or meet someone new, I notice the good before the bad. Eventually I just stopped seeing the bad altogether. It's hard work but damn is it worth it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovinglife21 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 Thank You I'm going to try that. I'm feeling a lot better now, mainly because people keep telling me how good I'm looking hah. The insecurities are still there though. xx Link to post Share on other sites
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