miz_barby Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Ok my question is (for everyone in general) what makes you want to look outside your relationship for excitement? Also what makes a good partner in a relationship (example...what is the perfect REALISTIC woman for you men) Same question for the women..... Looking for a lot of insight please give me your's! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Have you posted this in marriage/infidelity too? You should. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 No she shouldn't because all the threads dump into the same place and duplicates get deleted. Most people use the 'x new posts' to read LS rather than going forum by forum. As for your question; I'd never look outside for 'excitement' so I'm of no use to you in that regard. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Never say never Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 I'm not sure what makes people look outside their relationship for excitement. Maybe after awhile it just starts to get boring after you learn everything about the person you're with, and you just want something new. But if that's the case, instead of doing that they could just spice up their relationship and try new things. The perfect realistc guy for me would be someone who is always there for me when I need them, they don't talk about other girls and when they see one that is really attractive they would always say I looked better, even if I knew I didnt. They would be really sweet and surprise me with nice little things. Like a teddy bear in the front seat of my car one day that says "just because it's Tuesday". What about you? What's your perfect guy like? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 I think one of the major reasons is breakdown in communication..... Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 answering for the sake of answering and to hopefully enlighten and inform... I rarely if ever respond to posts involving OW/OM...anything related to infidelity, cheating, etc. Yeah, I'm one of the strange few who don't think it's cool or sexy to indulge in such things, go figure huh? So I tend to avoid these posts...maybe there are others like me and we try and avoid them too? what moi said...ditto for me. There is never a point or reason to straying eyes or thoughts...the heart should never stray. Not if you're a real person...anyone care to test themselves against such a statement? and yes, some people can say never...and mean never. Again, it is rare in the world but some people words are as strong as time itself...you should learn to honor and love those who have such conviction. Link to post Share on other sites
MidNiteAgl Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Not everyone goes out "looking" for excitement outside the relationship sometimes it just happens. And I know what you are going to say. It only happens if you let it. Well, yes you are right. You have to be strong. I was one of those people that did say I would never do that. And I am a strong person emotionally. But my marriage was already on the rocks and I had a connection with this other person unlike any thing I have ever felt. Anyway, if you want to know the full story it's under the post "Can you be friends w/MM after it's over?" I guess what I am trying to say is that not all people that cheat or have affairs go out looking for them. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 When a person give you his love and his trust (and I am using the grammatical 'he'), he hands you something very precious and easily damaged. You can do damage that can last a lifetime if you betray that trust. How people can take that so lightly is beyond me. An affair may be in the offfing, but it takes work to carry out; nobody just hapens to fall naked into bed with someone - you have a lot of time before you get to that point to realize what you could be doing to the person who loves you and turn back. An affair when your marriage is over anyway is a tiny bit different, so long as you're not helping some other person do damage to his spouse's trust. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Originally posted by miz_barby Ok my question is (for everyone in general) what makes you want to look outside your relationship for excitement? Before I was married, if I didn't find or create what I wanted in a relationship, I left it to pursue a new one. Sometimes it seems like people think of relationships like software. It does a great job itself, but some people can't resist those add-ons. Also what makes a good partner in a relationship (example...what is the perfect REALISTIC woman for you men) Same question for the women..... Makes a realistic good partner: Trustful Respectful Honest Compassionate Sense of Humor Devoted Independent Companionate Tender Strong Confident Humble Ethical Hard working Loyal Dependable Responsible Conservative Link to post Share on other sites
miz_barby Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Thank you for your responses! I only posted this in the OW/OM forum because I wasn't too sure where it should go. I was just curious because honestly although I'm happy in my relationship and I love the fact that things are normal and comfortable I just want to make sure to try and make it so he doesn't get bored or want to stray. My BF as far as I know (he's with me almost 24/7) hasn't strayed but I guess it's a little fear in the back of my mind...like since things are going so well there will always be drama to follow (a wierd little demon I battle with is this fear). Anyway as far as my "perfect realistic" man is someone (as said before) who is always there for you, shows you he loves you, doesn't make you chase him, someone who is reliable and affectionate, and someone who doesn't forget to tell you he loves you whenever he feels like letting you know. I basically have all of these with Oscar my BF but as I mentioned though I'm extremely happy I'm afraid he may get bored so once again thanks for the responses! I still would like to hear what men's "perfect but realistic" woman is! Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Spock writes:Never say never NEVER. NEVER. NEVER!! And I'd be willing to stake my very life on that. My "word" means everything to me. My own self-worth depends on my ability to walk my talk…as silly as that may sound. Ok my question is (for everyone in general) what makes you want to look outside your relationship for excitement? Can't answer this one for you, Barbi. I don't know whether I'm in the minority here, but if I'm not getting what I need from my relationship, the last thing I'm going to do is complicate things by adding another man to the mix. Managing one relationship is difficult enough sometimes! Then again, I've never been afraid of being single. I actually enjoyed my two years alone time. I'm financially independent and have enough friends and interests to keep me busy no matter what my relationship status is at the time. (I think that's KEY). If I'm not happy with the man I'm with, and I've exhausted all options to repair our relationship, I'll jump ship with or without any emotional safety nets in place (and have). Others will say that it's just because "opportunity hasn't presented itself." I say BS. Yet I can understand how believing that might make someone who's fallen into an affair feel better about their situation…to believe that "everyone is capable of it." I'm no troll…and even when my marriage was dead and I was feeling lonely, I was approached MANY times by attractive, interesting men that other women would give their right arms to be with. My girlfriends told me "I was crazy" when it came to one single man in particular who was intelligent, gorgeous, successful and an all-around "nice guy" by their standards. However, they weren't looking deeper into the character of a man who would make a play for a married woman. Probably because these two married women were involved in office affairs, too. I did…and called him out on it, and had no regrets or second thoughts even after my divorce was final. Also what makes a good partner in a relationship (example...what is the perfect REALISTIC woman for you men) For me; it's not about looks, money or how great he is in bed. There are THOUSANDS of men who meet that criterion. What I want is that rare hard-to-find quality that sets a person above all others. Someone with integrity, strength of character and moral values. (I almost hesitate to even use that word because I know it makes some people uncomfortable). But my ideal partner IS someone who shares similar values as myself…an "equal" in mind, heart and spirit. He's a man who has BOTH feet planted firmly in the relationship instead of one foot out the door. I know I'm lucky…d*mn lucky!...and there is no way this gal would ever do anything to screw that up. NEVER, EVER. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbie Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 great post EnigmaXOXO! I have a connection with a married friend, we love each other dearly and if there were no one else involved I'm sure we'd have a passionate time! What we have as a deep friendship is very special, we love to be around each other and that open-souledness which doesn't come to every relationship is wonderful. His wife ( and my ex-h ) know how close we are and trust us- and that's pretty special too! Maybe one day we'll both be single at the same time and get together, but I don't want to be involved in anyone's relationship breakup and I value friendships above sex...so no affairs. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 From my experience, the way to win over a man is to let him be himself. Men are very easy to figure out once you have dated alot and read relationship books. I reccomend men are from mars and women are from venus. Once you know how they think and feel you can embrace the relationship. I also have to say being friends as a number one priority first. A base for the relationship to grow. Know that with the right tools you can build the nest of your dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 The greatest feeling in the world for a woman is to be able to walk into a room full of other women and know that her man treats and cares for her better then any other woman in that room. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbie Posted July 5, 2004 Share Posted July 5, 2004 The greatest feeling in the world for a woman is to be able to walk into a room full of other women and know that her man treats and cares for her better then any other woman in that room. maybe, but what so often feels right for many women is the least level of resistance/ self-reliance. We can now what we want, then see what's out there...and life is an assimilatin of the two! Link to post Share on other sites
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