darkmoon Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 i used to visit him where he works, he has multiple sclerosis and it's only a matter of time, soon, before he'll be in a wheel-chair, he shlomps around on two sticks his legs useless his wife waits on him, i think he has alot to think about, none of it good, we've looked and looked at cures, nothing real out there, if only i was wrong, he wanted to be part of any medical trials, but now.... we used to call each other, now it's email contact, i emailed him friday yesterday to say that email isn't really human contact and got no reply i can't help wondering if it's his future that is making him shut down like this; he's facing a nasty end, no question, but i feel snubbed - or am i selfish? i'm so lost with no guide books thoughts? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SarahRose Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 why don't you just go visit him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkmoon Posted June 17, 2012 Author Share Posted June 17, 2012 that's a good question, i don't like his wife nor she me, so it's never been a good idea not on the table, i've been avoiding her cuz she looks for my faults, i am too bohemian for her and she can get my bro to agree, i mean they are married, so by avoiding her she's had less chance to draw any conclusions, but i think i will, but not sure if i should insist Link to post Share on other sites
SarahRose Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Tthat's a good question, i don't like his wife nor she me, so it's never been a good idea not on the table, i've been avoiding her cuz she looks for my faults, i am too bohemian for her and she can get my bro to agree, i mean they are married, so by avoiding her she's had less chance to draw any conclusions, but i think i will, but not sure if i should insist Read your reasons over about 10 times out loud. Don't they seem a bit silly? He needs you. Go to him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 i used to visit him where he works, he has multiple sclerosis and it's only a matter of time, soon, before he'll be in a wheel-chair, he shlomps around on two sticks his legs useless his wife waits on him, i think he has alot to think about, none of it good, we've looked and looked at cures, nothing real out there, if only i was wrong, he wanted to be part of any medical trials, but now.... we used to call each other, now it's email contact, i emailed him friday yesterday to say that email isn't really human contact and got no reply i can't help wondering if it's his future that is making him shut down like this; he's facing a nasty end, no question, but i feel snubbed - or am i selfish? i'm so lost with no guide books thoughts? Go see him and help them out. Im sure his wife would like a break once in a while. You can watch tv together, just sit and hold his hand. Tell him you love him.. He is scared. MS is awful but I know 4 people who have MS and they LIVE life as much as they can. Sure they have bad days, but given with what they are faced with, it's amazing how being positive and making yourself do things even the smallest task can make a difference. Your brother probably doesn't want to be a burdon to anybody, let alone have people see him while he's like this. the thing is, HE needs his family, his friends around. That support and love is so important. Don't make this about you, it isn't at all. Get involved and be in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 that's a good question, i don't like his wife nor she me, so it's never been a good idea not on the table, i've been avoiding her cuz she looks for my faults, i am too bohemian for her and she can get my bro to agree, i mean they are married, so by avoiding her she's had less chance to draw any conclusions, but i think i will, but not sure if i should insist You need to talk to her and sort things out. Holding grudges and disliking eachother for what? Tell her that you want to be more involved and you need to let her know that you get that it's hard on her and if she needs time to herself you'll help out with your brother so she can have a break from it all. I'm sure she would greatly appreciate it too. Plus it's a good stepping stone for you two to get to know eachother and learn about one another, get rid of bad feelings/bad blood. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 I have known people who were facing terminal illnesses and withdrew for a time. It was mostly just for a season during a stage of the illness. Email can be extremely comforting (if he reads them). Express your love. Pray for him ... them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author darkmoon Posted June 17, 2012 Author Share Posted June 17, 2012 I have known people who were facing terminal illnesses and withdrew for a time. It was mostly just for a season during a stage of the illness. Email can be extremely comforting (if he reads them). Express your love. Pray for him ... them. i want to thank everybody for taking the time to write to me, I always sign texts and emails Love sis X, yes, from being a 12 hour a day sports fan and business man, he has gone to being a cripple who is dying, i think he has alot to think about, but i emailed him to ask if me and his son could visit, or if i could visit him sometimes, his wife insists on her and her alone helping, but he knew from ages back that i am his spare helper Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 (edited) My mother in law is the same way. She's never liked talking on the phone and emails everyone her cancer news instead of calling or in person. She even broke the news of her terminal cancer to her own son over email. I honestly think that's inconsiderate to your only child who's father died of the same illness. Her and the stepfather wanted no visitors (including her only child) and only wanted him over when they needed something. His stepdad did not help matters by helping his mom isolate herself and wouldn't allow visitors. She still sends emails but wants no contact otherwise. I hope you are able to visit your brother! Edited June 17, 2012 by pink_sugar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Sometimes, when you are feeling really unwell, you don't feel like entertaining visitors. But, once they are there and they are loving and supportive, you wonder why you felt like that. Illness does make a person withdraw and maybe this is what's happening. I am sure if you let him know beforehand and then turn up with food or something nice to keep them both in good spirits, they will be pleased to see you. Just be there for him and listen. He might not want to express unhappy thoughts but he may also find it comforting that you are not put off by hearing some of them. Who knows? Just see what he seems to need when you are there. Link to post Share on other sites
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