What Does He Want?

[Not-Sure-Friend-or-More???]

I will try to keep this as short as I can. I am a mid 30's woman that recently met a mid 30's man we were introduced by mutual friends in common, while we were both on vacation this summer in July. What I thought would be just a weekend of hanging out and getting to know one another, seems to be turning into something more. Since the vacation we have kept in touch, by phone he generally calls me everyday or every other day, we talk for 2-3 hours, and we have both made several trips back and forth to eachothers cities (as we live almost 300 miles away from eachother). We have a great time together, and enjoy spending time together as well.

 

We are both divorced me six years, him two and he is raising his five year old son on his own, and he has recently told me that I am becoming his best friend, and I too feel the same way. Yet, there is still this sometimes almost over powering chemistry between us. We've talked about it, but neither of us has made THAT move. I am afraid to take this any further, because I don't want to lose his friendship, but I truly am starting to feel more for him than just as a friend. I have grown very close to him, and his son as well and have to admit that I have thought about the possibilities of more since we met, but never acted on them.

 

This most recent visit last week, he went out with friends of ours, and came back a little tipsy and came into my room, and woke me up, and said he had to tell me about going out, we laughed and joked and when he was leaving my room,he bent down, gave me a big kiss on the lips, and whispered I love you. Like I said he was a little tipsy, so I am not sure how to take this. He then stuttered a bit saying he meant to say this as he loves me as one of his closest friends. When we are together he is always often touching me, playing with my hair, kisses on the cheeks, and staring at me with what I call THE LOOK...Honestly, I am to the point where I could just throw him down and if he were willing and rock his world so to speak.

 

He introduces me as his friend, but some of the signals I seem to be getting from him make me think he may want more. But, he tells me that he is scared of a committment, and that he had a horrible marriage and divorce, in all honesty so did I. Here is the thing, when I mention going out with other people, as I am still dating others and so is he. He gets jealous, and refuses to talk about the date or the person. He keeps mentioning that he would like to live in this area, and this recent trip he even looked at a couple of apartments, and checked on the type of work that he does here.

 

So any ideas on what is going on his head....PLEASE help. I don't know what to do at this point, and if I haven't said plainly enough he is my friend, but what I am feeling is MUCH MUCH more than what a friend feels. What do I do?

 

Thanks for reading this ~

[Tony T]

It sounds to me like you have the basis of something really great here. I think both of you already knows how the other feels and both of you know there's lots more here than a close friendship.

 

So what you do is tell him, "I know there's a lot more going on here between us than friendship. I have this feeling we were meant to be a lot more than just close friends. That's pretty obvious. But I also know you are reserved about taking this further. I am ready to do that now...but you may not be. I just want you to know when you feel you are ready, let's take this relationship where we both know it should be."

 

If you don't want to be quite that direct, tone it down just a bit. But this sounds like a really nice situation for both of you and you don't want to pass it up because both of you are afraid to open your mouths. So take the initiative.

 

Do it real soon!!!