Marriage is in trouble

[Ellen87]

Well I don't think those three plan to speak to me anyway. Keith and Ben apparently have already talked and it was already stated that they weren't going to talk again. Keith wants nothing to do with him, and like I said before I don't blame him. The only person friendship I am going to miss out of all this is Ashley's. She's been my best girlfriend since the first grade... and yes I am aware that's my fault too. I'm just pointing out I will miss her, that's all. At seventeen I wasn't thinking, and it gets easier and easier to live a lie, and harder to tell the truth. But believe me these past three weeks have taught me a lot, and especially after this morning.

 

My parents finally came over to talk to me. My mom said it isn't because I got pregnant with another mans child at seventeen they are angry. It's because I kept it a secret all these years and because of what I did to Keith and the fact that they are very disappointed in me. My mom basically said what you said. That she thinks that I haven't changed since I was seventeen, and that she doesn't think that even now I was thinking of the consequences when I told Keith the truth. She said she doesn't think that Michelle was even on my mind at all. And I've always coasted through life being selfish and not thinking of others. She said that I had better get the paternity test... something Keith and I talked about, even if we all agree that Michelle probably is Ben's kid. We're doing that this week. My parents said they would pay for it, because right now the only person they care about is Michelle.

 

Keith left the kids at his parents yesterday to come and talk to me. We spent a long time talking, and he came back but he said that doesn't mean he knows if he wants to leave me yet. He is still confused and angry. However, he is coming back for the kids since they are both upset that they've had to live without both their parents. Although if we divorce they will end having to get used to it, but for now he said we will keep talking but he doesn't want Ben or Ashley in my life. And he wants me to come clean about anything else, and not to keep secrets from him anymore. Even after the paternity test proves to be Ben's, he doesn't want Ben in our lives. Although I'm kind of worried about that part. What if Ben decides to fight for his rights to see her? Keith told me that there would be problems since until now he gave up all rights to be her father. However I am thinking he might be wrong since Ben could be the biological father, and did pay child support.

 

Keith took the kids out for ice cream. I think they can sense tension, especially since Keith slept in the guest room (what will be the babys new room) last night. They know what that means. And I think he plans to stay in there for now. And the fact that most of yesterday after the kids came home, Keith stayed in one room and I was in another.

 

But my parents, and Keith basically told me what you said. To keep my old friends out of my life. Although right now it's hard with Michael because he keeps sending me nasty messages. And it's really starting to get to me. I haven't told anyone about them, but I blocked him from facebook before I disabled it. I tried blocking his email but he made a new one and he is still texting. The only thing I sent him was a message telling him to grow up, but he ignored it. This morning I had to hurry and delete a bunch of the messages he left to me before Keith heard them on our voice mail. I know Keith will lose it, and go after Michael, even if he is very mad at me right now.

 

And I don't think people on here understand why I think Michelle is Ben's kid. Even if there are chances where there are kids born with dark hair and brown eyes to two blue eyed parents. Ben has dark hair and brown eyes. Michelle has dark hair and dark eyes. My son has blond hair and blue eyes. Chances are that the baby will have blue eyes and blond hair too. Also the fact that Ashley's daughter and mine look like sisters. If you take a picture of Ben's sister, and compare it to Michelle's they look the same. Michelle has a lot of Ben's features. But like I said, we're going this week to see if Keith is the father or not. I don't know how long the test takes, but I know it's going to say he isn't. But I just don't understand why people keep saying I'm probably wrong about her being Ben's kid.

Edited June 24, 2012 by Ellen87

[Plan 9 from OS]

Well I don't think those three plan to speak to me anyway. Keith and Ben apparently have already talked and it was already stated that they weren't going to talk again. Keith wants nothing to do with him, and like I said before I don't blame him. The only person friendship I am going to miss out of all this is Ashley's. She's been my best girlfriend since the first grade... and yes I am aware that's my fault too. I'm just pointing out I will miss her, that's all. At seventeen I wasn't thinking, and it gets easier and easier to live a lie, and harder to tell the truth. But believe me these past three weeks have taught me a lot, and especially after this morning.

 

My parents finally came over to talk to me. My mom said it isn't because I got pregnant with another mans child at seventeen they are angry. It's because I kept it a secret all these years and because of what I did to Keith and the fact that they are very disappointed in me. My mom basically said what you said. That she thinks that I haven't changed since I was seventeen, and that she doesn't think that even now I was thinking of the consequences when I told Keith the truth. She said she doesn't think that Michelle was even on my mind at all. And I've always coasted through life being selfish and not thinking of others. She said that I had better get the paternity test... something Keith and I talked about, even if we all agree that Michelle probably is Ben's kid. We're doing that this week. My parents said they would pay for it, because right now the only person they care about is Michelle.

 

Keith left the kids at his parents yesterday to come and talk to me. We spent a long time talking, and he came back but he said that doesn't mean he knows if he wants to leave me yet. He is still confused and angry. However, he is coming back for the kids since they are both upset that they've had to live without both their parents. Although if we divorce they will end having to get used to it, but for now he said we will keep talking but he doesn't want Ben or Ashley in my life. And he wants me to come clean about anything else, and not to keep secrets from him anymore. Even after the paternity test proves to be Ben's, he doesn't want Ben in our lives. Although I'm kind of worried about that part. What if Ben decides to fight for his rights to see her? Keith told me that there would be problems since until now he gave up all rights to be her father. However I am thinking he might be wrong since Ben could be the biological father, and did pay child support.

 

Keith took the kids out for ice cream. I think they can sense tension, especially since Keith slept in the guest room (what will be the babys new room) last night. They know what that means. And I think he plans to stay in there for now. And the fact that most of yesterday after the kids came home, Keith stayed in one room and I was in another.

 

But my parents, and Keith basically told me what you said. To keep my old friends out of my life. Although right now it's hard with Michael because he keeps sending me nasty messages. And it's really starting to get to me. I haven't told anyone about them, but I blocked him from facebook before I disabled it. I tried blocking his email but he made a new one and he is still texting. The only thing I sent him was a message telling him to grow up, but he ignored it. This morning I had to hurry and delete a bunch of the messages he left to me before Keith heard them on our voice mail. I know Keith will lose it, and go after Michael, even if he is very mad at me right now.

 

And I don't think people on here understand why I think Michelle is Ben's kid. Even if there are chances where there are kids born with dark hair and brown eyes to two blue eyed parents. Ben has dark hair and brown eyes. Michelle has dark hair and dark eyes. My son has blond hair and blue eyes. Chances are that the baby will have blue eyes and blond hair too. Also the fact that Ashley's daughter and mine look like sisters. If you take a picture of Ben's sister, and compare it to Michelle's they look the same. Michelle has a lot of Ben's features. But like I said, we're going this week to see if Keith is the father or not. I don't know how long the test takes, but I know it's going to say he isn't. But I just don't understand why people keep saying I'm probably wrong about her being Ben's kid.

 

Good luck with everything. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone has an ugly side to their personality. As long as you are willing to see this through and accept the consequences of your past actions - all assuming that Michelle is in fact Ben's child - then you deserve to get some closure with this wherever you go. After you've dealt with this mess in a mature way and have true remorse over what happened, then you deserve to get a second chance in life just like everyone else. Even if Keith is no longer in your life, you deserve to be able to move on and start fresh.

 

Suggestion about Michael. Document everything that Michael has been throwing your way. Regardless of how "hurt" he may be feeling, he is harrassing you. That is a criminal offense, and if you document all of this then you'll be able to nail his ass to a wall. I don't know Michael, but it sounds like he is an immature little punk that thought of himself as one of the "beautiful people" back in highschool. Save his harrassing communications with you and call the police on this ass hat. You screwed up royally, but it profits no one to be raked over the coals over and over and over again. There's only so much that can be said about it when you are a third party to the situation at best. Sound like Michael is a Ben worshiper as pathetic as that sounds.

[Ellen87]

Sound like Michael is a Ben worshiper as pathetic as that sounds.

Nope. Ashley worshiper. For some reason the guys have always worshiped her. Ben, Michael, my brother, and a bunch of other mutual friends, her co-workers... and she isn't even that pretty. Not saying that's the only reason men should worship a woman. But you know with a lot of people, looks do have a lot to do with why some men do worship a woman. They all act like she is some kind of goddess, and I don't understood why. It wasn't really like that in High School, but it started in college and has continued to now. She's just a shy quiet girl, so boring too unless she knows you well.

 

Anyway, he acts like it's all about her. He doesn't care about Keith (who he never liked, he just hung out with him because of me) or Ben or Michelle. But I don't know what he thinks is going to happen. I don't really care anymore though. I don't know how to block a number, so I'm calling the phone company tomorrow to ask how. I feel kind of dumb because I don't know how, but it's something I've never had to do before, so I've never thought about it.

[Ellen87]

I think this entire post is a great work of fiction

I wish it were, or either that a dream. I'd take one or the other instead of this. Thanks for your post though, it was very helpful and thoughtful. I'm glad your life is so good that you have nothing better to do then to post if you think someones misfortune is real or not.

[worldgonewrong]

I think this entire post is a great work of fiction

 

ha!

I kind of thought this too, but...sometimes people really do live complex lives, so ya never know.

[Ellen87]

Honestly, no one is asking you to comment or read it then. If that's the only thing you can contribute then don't post at all. I appreciate the people who did actually take the time to give helpful advice instead of just questioning if this is real or not. My marriage is probably ending, and my life has fallen apart so I came on here for support. But really thanks. I wish my life was as simple and perfect like yours.

[worldgonewrong]

You know, Ellen, the first thing you have to drop is your defensiveness or you're not going to get anywhere, and this includes your husband and your extended family.

Re-read what your mother told you. She's right. She's wise. A little soul-searching is in order for you. Your actions affect other people, and you're expecting reactions based upon what you want -- well, life doesn't work that way. Just your interactions here are indicative of that sense of the world revolving around you. And now that you've royally f*cked up, you're still expecting the world to start spinning in your direction. That's not how it works.

[goodthingscome]

"Edit: Well he took it down, but it wasn't for my benefit. It was for Ashley's. At least it's gone now though."

 

No one is talking to you because what is there to say? You and Ben deceived a multiple number of people. A deception YOU were aware of for years, so don't be surprised if it takes a while to process this. You have literally pulled the rug out from under them.

 

I hate to say this, but it sounds based on comments like the one you made above that you still haven't gotten over Ashley "winning" the prize (Ben). I really hope you all can work this out but know that your relationship with your "friends" is over as you knew it.

 

Like others have stated, since Ben has the "$" he needs to pay for the paternity test so there won't be any question who her father is.

[KatZee]

You know, Ellen, the first thing you have to drop is your defensiveness or you're not going to get anywhere, and this includes your husband and your extended family.

Re-read what your mother told you. She's right. She's wise. A little soul-searching is in order for you. Your actions affect other people, and you're expecting reactions based upon what you want -- well, life doesn't work that way. Just your interactions here are indicative of that sense of the world revolving around you. And now that you've royally f*cked up, you're still expecting the world to start spinning in your direction. That's not how it works.

 

Bravo. Someone finally said it.

 

This whole thread just REEKS of egocetrism, it's frankly appalling, and I think you're somehow confused why your life is so full of drama and problems. The answer lies within YOURSELF.

 

I do have to agree with your mother as well, I don't see too much of a change in you since your teenage years, if anything you just became better at hiding it. Everything seems to always revolve around you... and where as you're STATING that you get that people are upset, and angry at you, you seem extremely disconnected on an emotional level and you seem to be lacking the basic feeling of empathy.

 

I feel you only told Keith about this because of your own guilt. That's the other thing I agree with. You weren't thinking about how Keith would feel, you weren't thinking how this would affect Ben and his marriage to Ashley. It was all about you. And YOUR overwhelming guilt. You've kept this to yourself for how long now? And you really felt it necessary to come out with this? Keith gave up EVERYTHING for you.

 

And yet you're still whining about how you're losing two of your best friends. What about the friends Keith has now lost because of you? Do you see where everything you say is about YOU?

 

I'm not going to go so far as to say you're a slut because I don't think you are one, but I think everything you've done in your life up until now has always involved some sort of hidden agenda. Always about you and what you want, and what you need, and how you feel, and what you gained, and what you lost, and you you you.