They'll probably never stop loving you.

[Phanpooh]

Believe me, this girl dun know how she feel and she force herself that is love, then creating a fault hope... She keep thinking that she need to ignore her ex and think he deserve it, but she still want to indirectly break NC though LS, she think she is a good friend, but true me, you r not, someday, life will show you what is "friend" meaning!

[KatZee]

I'm not the dumped, I'm the dumper. I disposed of someone I loved like he was a corpse in a dumpster. That's a sloppy image but I lack the stomach to adequately describe the violence I did him. I cut him off like he meant nothing, and it's the worst thing I've ever done. I hope it's the worst thing I ever do, that I never get a chance to top it.

 

I cut him off pretty immediately. We spent almost 3 years together and I broke up with him over email (I was out of the country). We had a few phone conversations over the proceeding 2 weeks or so, and then nothing. I'm not saying this to win myself any friends here, just setting the scene.

 

I can relate to this immensely. Before my most current ex I was with a guy for a bit over 2 years I believe. I can't really remember. I wasn't so in love with him, I was unhappy and wanted out. I met someone else (my most current ex) and what started was a whirl wind emotional affair, and I dumped my boyfriend at the time for him.

 

I dumped him like he was nothing. After everything he had done for me, after he had shown me how much I meant to him, it was like none of it mattered. I found someone I liked more, and I pulled this same stunt.

 

I wasn't and am not proud of it either, but if Karma hasn't punched you in the face yet, believe me. It WILL.

 

I've just received my Karma for doing what I did to him, and my Karma was having my most recent ex do this to me. Cut me off like I was nothing. Cheated on me. Lied to me incessantly. My life for almost the past three years has been nothing but a runaway train of drama, anxiety, lies, manipulation, back stabbing... it's been HORRIBLE.

 

I have actually debated reaching out to my ex-ex. I don't know what I would hope to accomplish. Maybe just to offer a more sincere apology. Not to get him back or anything, but just to put it right. But I've had numerous people tell me to "just forget it and move on. It's been three years, believe me he doesn't want to hear from you or want an apology."

 

So I've kind of left it alone.

Edited June 29, 2012 by KatZee

[Kovalchoke]

I can relate to this immensely. Before my most current ex I was with a guy for a bit over 2 years I believe. I can't really remember. I wasn't so in love with him, I was unhappy and wanted out. I met someone else (my most current ex) and what started was a whirl wind emotional affair, and I dumped my boyfriend at the time for him.

 

I dumped him like he was nothing. After everything he had done for me, after he had shown me how much I meant to him, it was like none of it mattered. I found someone I liked more, and I pulled this same stunt.

 

I wasn't and am not proud of it either, but if Karma hasn't punched you in the face yet, believe me. It WILL.

 

I've just received my Karma for doing what I did to him, and my Karma was having my most recent ex do this to me. Cut me off like I was nothing. Cheated on me. Lied to me incessantly. My life for almost the past three years has been nothing but a runaway train of drama, anxiety, lies, manipulation, back stabbing... it's been HORRIBLE.

 

I have actually debated reaching out to my ex-ex. I don't know what I would hope to accomplish. Maybe just to offer a more sincere apology. Not to get him back or anything, but just to put it right. But I've had numerous people tell me to "just forget it and move on. It's been three years, believe me he doesn't want to hear from you or want an apology."

 

So I've kind of left it alone.

 

 

Hi,

 

I am just wondering if my ex would experience what you did? She was my first love and first real relationship. She also dumped me coldly without hesitation, and is now with another guy. Nobody likes what she did and she's going down a bad route. Despite numerous attempts at getting her back and NC, I had no success. We didn't have alot of problems, maybe once every month or so. Despite everything I had done for her, she threw me away like a candy wrapper...

[Zammo25]

I can relate to this immensely. Before my most current ex I was with a guy for a bit over 2 years I believe. I can't really remember. I wasn't so in love with him, I was unhappy and wanted out. I met someone else (my most current ex) and what started was a whirl wind emotional affair, and I dumped my boyfriend at the time for him.

 

I dumped him like he was nothing. After everything he had done for me, after he had shown me how much I meant to him, it was like none of it mattered. I found someone I liked more, and I pulled this same stunt.

 

I wasn't and am not proud of it either, but if Karma hasn't punched you in the face yet, believe me. It WILL.

 

I've just received my Karma for doing what I did to him, and my Karma was having my most recent ex do this to me. Cut me off like I was nothing. Cheated on me. Lied to me incessantly. My life for almost the past three years has been nothing but a runaway train of drama, anxiety, lies, manipulation, back stabbing... it's been HORRIBLE.

 

I have actually debated reaching out to my ex-ex. I don't know what I would hope to accomplish. Maybe just to offer a more sincere apology. Not to get him back or anything, but just to put it right. But I've had numerous people tell me to "just forget it and move on. It's been three years, believe me he doesn't want to hear from you or want an apology."

 

So I've kind of left it alone.

 

Why on Earth would he want to hear from you ? Do him a favour and never speak to him again. If your recent ex had not done what he did you would not even think about it. Karma, indeed.

[Stanza]

Thank you for starting this post, and also your honesty. I think it's really interesting and enlightening to hear the dumper view. You wrote it very well and very clearly and it says things that dumpers often never have the guts to say.

 

I actually think this will be a part of your healing as well as bringing us information and an important viewpoint.

 

You will heal from what you did and you will find someone that matches up to your ex, I'm sure of it. This will be a part of you letting go.

 

Thanks again.

[KatZee]

Why on Earth would he want to hear from you ? Do him a favour and never speak to him again. If your recent ex had not done what he did you would not even think about it. Karma, indeed.

 

Oh please, you need to take yourself down a notch and get off your high horse. Unless you're some super perfect human being who has NEVER done anything wrong, I highly doubt you have the right to come off so condescending.

[KatZee]

Hi,

 

I am just wondering if my ex would experience what you did? She was my first love and first real relationship. She also dumped me coldly without hesitation, and is now with another guy. Nobody likes what she did and she's going down a bad route. Despite numerous attempts at getting her back and NC, I had no success. We didn't have alot of problems, maybe once every month or so. Despite everything I had done for her, she threw me away like a candy wrapper...

 

Who knows if she's going to experience what I did. I had almost 3 years with someone and although it fell through with him I wouldn't consider the last 3 years of my life a "bad karma." It was just more learning experiences and it's not like I'm sitting around devastated or with some ruined life.

 

Besides, had I not even met the guy I left him for, I would have left him eventually and probably in a much harsher fashion because I found out he had been saving for an engagement ring. I think turning a guy down and saying "NO" as he's on his knee is a worse kind of dumping.

 

Also, I tried to be as nice as I possibly could have when I ended it with him. Yes, I had met someone else, but I never physically cheated, and I never rubbed it in his face that there had been someone else. I said I was unhappy, I had been unhappy for a while, and I needed to be out of the relationship, and he was just UNRELENTING and he kept pushing me and pushing me, and then I finally had to be like STOP THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE. Because he was just NOT getting the fact that I was unhappy.

 

Yes, he did a lot for me. But the lack of attraction the lack of any sort of romantic feelings for him... he was better off without me, and he just couldn't see that there was something so much better out there for him. I couldn't give him anything. No physical affection, no emotional affection... he was like a brother to me. You can't force yourself to be in love with another human being, it just has to be there, and if it's not... it's not.

[wilsonx]

I wish I had the ability to be a monkey and swing from tree to tree and talk about romance. I like it too much here on the ground

[matt1513]

what happens if you and your ex were doing fine she said i love you a day before then said she has no feelings, she went back to her ex then realized it wouldnt work then came back to me and got mad at me for the dumbest reasons and said she wants to move on and hse has no more feelings for me but texts me like we're dating.. now i asked her to see eachother and she says she doesnt wanna lead me on and wont talk to me, i realized she did this with her other ex right before the summer came they broke up, do you think shes keeping me around for after the summer..?

[rAFC]

olddirtyspatula, I think you did the right thing in apologizing to your ex. I suspect he was relieved to know that he had actually meant something to you, even if he didn't tell you this. Better late then never.

 

Life is one long lesson and we all make lots of mistakes along the way. The important thing is that we learn from and acknowledge our mistakes as best we can. It sounds like you are doing just that.

 

Perhaps for your next relationship you will have a better understanding of what you are and are not looking for and a better appreciation for the simple, yet most often lacking, qualities in a potential partner.

 

Go easy on yourself, you are only human and you did what you thought was best for you at the time.

[Kovalchoke]

Who knows if she's going to experience what I did. I had almost 3 years with someone and although it fell through with him I wouldn't consider the last 3 years of my life a "bad karma." It was just more learning experiences and it's not like I'm sitting around devastated or with some ruined life.

 

Besides, had I not even met the guy I left him for, I would have left him eventually and probably in a much harsher fashion because I found out he had been saving for an engagement ring. I think turning a guy down and saying "NO" as he's on his knee is a worse kind of dumping.

 

Also, I tried to be as nice as I possibly could have when I ended it with him. Yes, I had met someone else, but I never physically cheated, and I never rubbed it in his face that there had been someone else. I said I was unhappy, I had been unhappy for a while, and I needed to be out of the relationship, and he was just UNRELENTING and he kept pushing me and pushing me, and then I finally had to be like STOP THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE. Because he was just NOT getting the fact that I was unhappy.

 

Yes, he did a lot for me. But the lack of attraction the lack of any sort of romantic feelings for him... he was better off without me, and he just couldn't see that there was something so much better out there for him. I couldn't give him anything. No physical affection, no emotional affection... he was like a brother to me. You can't force yourself to be in love with another human being, it just has to be there, and if it's not... it's not.

 

You say everyone will suffer their own karma. Do you think my ex will get whats coming to her? I feel like such a jerk for "waiting" to see what happens to her because in reality i still love her. She thought i was possessive because I did alot of pursuing after she broke up with me, but i think that only showed that i cared and didnt want to lose her. Do you think that has any influence on making her reflect on our past relationship and regret leaving me so coldly?

[Gulf-Delta]

You say everyone will suffer their own karma. Do you think my ex will get whats coming to her? I feel like such a jerk for "waiting" to see what happens to her because in reality i still love her. She thought i was possessive because I did alot of pursuing after she broke up with me, but i think that only showed that i cared and didnt want to lose her. Do you think that has any influence on making her reflect on our past relationship and regret leaving me so coldly?

 

Depending on how close you guys really were, she knows the real you. If she's anything like my ex, she's disregarded the desperate moves, because she knows that isn't how you really are.

[Kovalchoke]

Depending on how close you guys really were, she knows the real you. If she's anything like my ex, she's disregarded the desperate moves, because she knows that isn't how you really are.

 

 

What I really should have done was just lay low and not talk to anyone about it. After she broke up with me I couldn't stop telling and asking people for advice and for help. She knew I did this and thought i was obsessive. It's been almost 2 months now since she broke up with me and the last time I spoke to her was 3 weeks ago, when we both lashed out at each other. Is this too early to tell if she will regret what she did? I don't know what i'm doing now. Why do I care...

[Kovalchoke]

I'm not the dumped, I'm the dumper. I disposed of someone I loved like he was a corpse in a dumpster. That's a sloppy image but I lack the stomach to adequately describe the violence I did him. I cut him off like he meant nothing, and it's the worst thing I've ever done. I hope it's the worst thing I ever do, that I never get a chance to top it.

 

I'm not really sure what I'm doing here. I know he posted here a lot after we broke up so someday l'll read through the records to try to figure out who he is, and force myself to face up to what I've done.

 

Everyone here is different and maybe I resemble some of your exes or maybe I don't. I'm not sure if I can say anything that might offer anyone comfort or answers that your exes didn't give you.

 

I cut him off pretty immediately. We spent almost 3 years together and I broke up with him over email (I was out of the country). We had a few phone conversations over the proceeding 2 weeks or so, and then nothing. I'm not saying this to win myself any friends here, just setting the scene.

 

I guess my point is that at the same time I was ignoring him and making him feel like he meant nothing, I was loathing myself, feeling like if I could do that to someone I loved I could probably do anything without remorse, even shoot someone. I started to engage in pretty risky behavior without caring because I felt like my life didn't mean anything after I had been so callous to someone that I loved. This wasn't all of the time, it fluctuated. There were times where I thought I was doing the right thing, because we got to a low point where neither of us was happy so I fantasized that without me he was doing fine, that assuming he would be sad over me was an act of narcissism on my part, that I had been preventing him from achieving some of his goals. But I was never happy about it. and I never mocked him, or had that "haha so glad to be without you **** you" stage that he thinks I did.

 

I was with someone else most of the time. That was the catalyst-- I left the country and mistook my infatuation for another person's lifestyle with infatuation with him in general, and mistook my interest in another person as evidence I had stopped loving my ex. The whole 3 years my ex and I were together I never looked at anyone else, so I thought being interested in someone meant I had stopped loving him. That's part of why I ignored him so much; I had misguided loyalty to the new guy. And I couldn't have done it if I had to face up to it. I try not to think about it, I've spent over a year trying not to think about it, because remembering the sound of his voice when we talked on the phone afterwards is unbearable.

 

It didn't take me too terribly long to realize I had made a horrible mistake. The self-loathing started that same day, but I was able to compartmentalize it so it only showed up sometimes, once a month or so. I tried to come back to him once, about a week later I tried to take it back but when I called the infatuation-man to tell him I couldn't talk to him anymore he talked me out of it, and I'm ashamed to say that in that situation I had someone I had hurt saying hateful things to me and someone else telling me I had done nothing wrong, I took the easy way out and agreed with the man that didn't hate me. I wish I had had the backbone to know I had done something wrong when people were telling me I hadn't. I wish I could honestly blame the other person for knowingly taking what wasn't his, but he had no reason to be loyal and I had every reason to be, and I failed.

 

I'm not trying to digress too much. My point is just that even if they're ignoring you, making you feel like you mean nothing, it's not necessarily true. Before too long I knew I had done a horrible thing and left a great man for a monster, but I didn't see any way back, so I deluded myself into coming to terms with it by thinking he was better off without me. I even got to this really strange psychological place where I had to pretend he had died, because I couldn't bear the thought that we weren't together and it was completely because of a decision of mine. So I had to start thinking of him in the same way I thought of a close friend of mine who had died.

 

The worst part about all of this is if I had quit with the self-loathing guilt bull**** sooner and had the balls to atone for it, every day I avoided it is a day he was unnecessarily miserable. Not that apologizing would have made him feel better. I've tried and I don't think it helps. But maybe it wouldn't have been so hopeless if I hadn't waited a year to do so.

 

I still think he's better off without me. But maybe I'm just saying that because my brain won't let me not try to find a silver lining. My point is just that your exes probably love you a lot more than they're acting like they do, and maybe they really aren't good enough for you. If i had a fraction of the character my ex has I wouldn't have created this situation. I'm not saying you should give them a second chance, they'll probably **** up again. I'm just saying try not to be too down on yourself over someone's inability to cherish what they have.

 

 

How long did it take you to realize you had made a mistake in leaving your ex? And did he try to get you back after you left him?

[KatZee]

You say everyone will suffer their own karma. Do you think my ex will get whats coming to her? I feel like such a jerk for "waiting" to see what happens to her because in reality i still love her. She thought i was possessive because I did alot of pursuing after she broke up with me, but i think that only showed that i cared and didnt want to lose her. Do you think that has any influence on making her reflect on our past relationship and regret leaving me so coldly?

 

Your pushing absolutely influenced how she suddenly went cold. As I said, when I left my ex, I was as nice as I could possibly be about it. I said I cared about him but only as a friend, that I appreciated what he had done for me but I was unhappy.

 

For the next few weeks he continued to beg, plead, call me up at all hours of the day/night, email me, text me. One morning I woke up to 15-20 missed phone calls starting from like 4:30AM. He was out of state and he kept saying I needed to take off work that he was driving to my state to see me, he kept saying he was going to show up at my house.

 

At that point it was no more Miss. Nice Girl. The only way he was going to get the hint was if I became a bi*ch and that's exactly what I had to do. I told him there was someone else, I didn't love him, had no desire to speak to him, told him to stop stalking me and that if he ever came to my house I'd leave and not return until I knew he had left.

 

When someone asks for space, and to be out of a relationship, even if it hurts you need to RESPECT THAT AND MOVE ON. Doing all of the above, and doing what you did, doesn't show someone you care. It shows someone you have no sense of boundaries, and that you don't respect their decision to leave and end the relationship. Loving someone means loving them enough to let them go, and wanting THEM to be happy above all else.

[Gulf-Delta]

What I really should have done was just lay low and not talk to anyone about it. After she broke up with me I couldn't stop telling and asking people for advice and for help. She knew I did this and thought i was obsessive. It's been almost 2 months now since she broke up with me and the last time I spoke to her was 3 weeks ago, when we both lashed out at each other. Is this too early to tell if she will regret what she did? I don't know what i'm doing now. Why do I care...

 

Oh she knows what she did...

 

My ex, I KNOW, regrets what she did. She promised me children, she promised me marriage...she knows I was ready to "forsake all others" and so was she. She knows I was ready for "sickness and health, richer or poorer". She gave that up, and I know she regrets walking out on it, not only for herself, but also because she hurt someone who was committed to her and at the very least, feels bad for betraying someone who deeply cared for her.

 

Thing is, the regret doesn't matter to her right now. It's just a gnawing thing...but one day, that little gnat of regret is gonna turn into a big, fat wasp that's gonna sting the **** out of her. Whether or not it will make her come back (I SERIOUSLY DOUBT IT), only time will tell how they'll feel and when.

[Kovalchoke]

Oh she knows what she did...

 

My ex, I KNOW, regrets what she did. She promised me children, she promised me marriage...she knows I was ready to "forsake all others" and so was she. She knows I was ready for "sickness and health, richer or poorer". She gave that up, and I know she regrets walking out on it, not only for herself, but also because she hurt someone who was committed to her and at the very least, feels bad for betraying someone who deeply cared for her.

 

Thing is, the regret doesn't matter to her right now. It's just a gnawing thing...but one day, that little gnat of regret is gonna turn into a big, fat wasp that's gonna sting the **** out of her. Whether or not it will make her come back (I SERIOUSLY DOUBT IT), only time will tell how they'll feel and when.

 

I'm like going mad right now. One month after the break up my ex is dating someone already. But the thing is, she's getting so much bad attention right now. She's attracting the worst guys. I've heard the new guy is really just after sex and thats all he talks about. My ex won't listen to anyone and seems like the only way she'll learn is when she experiences what I did when she left me. Do you think if I stopped dwelling on this whole "when will she get her bad karma" business, it will come sooner and without question? It certainly feels like thats how things work.