They'll probably never stop loving you.

[Jono85]

(Part of me wonders if you really put it all on the line -- "I lost the best thing that ever happened to me and I'd give anything to make it right" -- or if it was just a half-hearted, "I feel bad about what I did." But anyway.)

 

 

this is what the OP doesn't seem to be understanding. there's a huge difference between those 2 thoughts. it seems like she falls into the latter. she feels extremely guilty for what she did.

 

OP, i'm not saying it's not admirable that you feel such extreme guilt for what you did. it's very refreshing to see/hear. BUT why i've been a touch hostile here is b/c while it seems you may have handled the situation wrong (being cold to him when he was hurting so bad), it seems u didnt necessarily make the wrong decision by leaving him b/c it sitll doesn't sound like u have any hopes of rekindling things with him.

 

ppl perceive what ur doing as selfish b/c ur ex doesn't need to know u feel guilty and awful about what u did IF u have no reservations of ever being with him again. u can forgive urself and deal with it/move on, without dragging his feelings and emotions back into the forefront. u guys are DONE. what he thinks is no longer important. he's moved on. if ur trying to win him back or at least work on getting him back, then fine, there's a good reason to seek him out and dig up these terrible memories. otherwise, i don't see the point. forgive yourself and try to move on. we all make mistakes.

[olddirtyspatula]

@Favorite Pills You're right, I don't want to give anyone false hopes that someone will come back to them or make them think their ex is better than he or she is. I just mean to serve as evidence that just because they may act like you meant nothing doesn't mean it's true. Doesn't mean you should wait for them or make excuses for their behavior. Just don't get too down on yourself for having been wrong about someone who appears to not care for you. I don't think that simplifications help anyone grow but people need to feel certain things at certain times, I guess. I never loved her, she never loved me, she's a bad person, etc. 99% of the time it's not true, just an excuse to not dig deeper. I think. Maybe 1% of the time you were really used or whatever.

 

The empty gesture assessment is correct. That's why it fell flat. I no longer live in the same place that he does and the bottom line (to me, maybe I'm deluding myself again) is that everything about my life besides the missing him part is better now than it was before, and I'm not willing to go back to hating my job and being depressed and stressed out all of the time again, for any reason-- and that includes him. So it is just self-serving words, words, words.

 

Thanks for helping me clarify the other perspective.

[florence of suburbia]

To go out on a limb, we sometimes choose partners based on the person we hope to become rather than the person we are now. Once that "new relationship" spark wears off, inertia regains the upper hand and muffles the nagging internal voice that wants change. But the partner is still hanging around as a reminder of that annoying voice. That's when we push them away.

[favoritepills]

everything about my life besides the missing him part is better now than it was before, and I'm not willing to go back to hating my job and being depressed and stressed out all of the time again, for any reason-- and that includes him.

I'm glad to hear that things are improving. Just chalk him up as a lesson learned, I guess.

 

I appreciate that you shared your perspective with us at LS. It was indeed refreshing, and it's good to know it's not always as black-and-white as it seems.

[Phanpooh]

it's exactly black or white, depend on what color you want to see ^_^

You are dumped for a reason, believe me or not, it's always sth wrong in both side.

The first time i dumped a girl, i though i love her but not enough to hold myself back for her

Then i met a better girl, in somehow, not like the first but i though she is better and then, i dumped her, even i still think i loved her too much

Then and then and then, i keep finding who is really mean for me.

Last time, i was tired and stop looking for her, i sat down on my bed and she coming, i thought she was the one who mean for me, but then she left me for her own interesting, and now. let me see, she is just like you, ) try to live and hide herself. I can't help her but at least i want to help you.

Some people, enjoy your post to be healed, but i came here, to help ^_^

If you want to live better, and just happy. You need to find you key to get over this Break-up. I'm not telling you to do any stupid things, i want you to open your eyes and start to cope.

 

1. Accepted your status now

2. Healing

3. Re-contact to checking

4. Find yourself, and make everything be clear in past

5. Then come here, invite me for coffee ( just kidding again)

 

IF there is true love, nobody could hide it, even in both sight.

IF that isn't love, so you dun need to care

People is sad because they care too much

How about you? you said you may still love him, and you think it's okay to leave him alone, he totally worth it, so then, let him go... And then, someday, before you break in contact ( make sure you healed), you should come here and tell everyone ^_^

 

The best wishes for you!

LOL seriously? you really the same type girl just like my ex XD it's funny!

[wilsonx]

LOL what a bounce.

 

This story is far from over.

 

You guys/gals are telling her how she should feel and not letting her be her. This is why they leave in the first place. Outside influences. Op still seeks external validation and will for about the next year instead of making choices and find validation within herself.

 

Couple months watch her perspective change. You all are reading words for their meanings and telling her actions are wrong. It's actually flipped and you should be watching the actions and not the words. Eventually they will meet.

[olddirtyspatula]

RAWR

LS won´t let me edit my post and then ate what I typed.

 

I left to do something else and hated that I essentially concluded with, "I can´t go back to hating my life". That´s a horrible thing to say. What I meant is that, I think everyone here consciously knows that they can only contribute so much to a person´s life and the rest is up to the other person, but still feel unconsciously emotionally responsible for the results. You ask why, and you wish they would give you the time of day to tell you why, but your ex is never going to tell you, "I left you because I was in the wrong career field and didn´t know what I wanted" or "I dumped you because you didn´t adequately reflect back on me who I thought I was or who I wanted to be" because they are never going to allow themselves to think that; it conflicts too much with their idea of themselves as caring, rational people. But something like that may be more true than the "you never... and you always..." line that they told you, and probably settled on themselves. So don´t stress too much that they won´t tell you why, because they don´t know anyway, and their not telling you saves you the trouble of feeling overly responsible for whatever trifle they concluded led them to feel the way they did.

 

Thanks for explaining the perspective I was lacking.

[Reddice]

I just don't get it... If you're just sorry for the way you treated him, why come to this website and tell some random, anonymous people? It just makes no sense to me. One time you write that you love him, the other time you make it seem as if you just want him to know you're sorry. Well, in what way do you love him? And what are you exactly sorry for? What would you have done differently if you could go back to the situation? As I see it, there are two things which seem to stand out in your post:

 

1. You only felt sorry after the relationship with the new guy backfired. Then, realizing that plan B had not put his life on hold as you expected him to do, your guilt started eating away at you. You had left a perfectly good relationship for a douchebag. Would you have ever felt guilty if the relationship with the new guy would have worked out? My guess is you wouldn't.

 

2. The opinion of your friends seem to have a major importance in your relationships. Just because they adviced you to leave, you decided to do just that? How many actually adviced you to try and work things out with him? How many adviced you to stay with the new guy? How many adviced you to take some time for yourself after the break? The thing with taking relationship advice from friends is, as I have come to experience, that most of them know jack **** about relationships. How many of them would actually drop their partner in a heartbeat, yet give that very same advice to you? I have met many people, giving tons of advice to everybody, yet hiding the fact that they are having crappy relationships themselves. And still... most people actually listen.

Edited June 17, 2012 by Reddice

[wilsonx]

You are asking logical questions to people that are being driven intuitively. In essence you are asking "rational" questions to people that are "irrational"

 

That's why people suggest moving on after breakups like this. Because unless you have lived it and understand it within yourself, they make no LOGICAL sense why it happened.

[olddirtyspatula]

Fair questions. I'll try my best to answer them but we're all hindered by our burdens and mine is self-righteousness, selfishness, and capriciousness. among others, I'm sure. So I'm an unreliable narrator even when I think I'm being honest. But I'm trying to scratch free.

I just don't get it... If you're just sorry for the way you treated him, why come to this website and tell some random, anonymous people?

I don't know what else to do. I thought apologizing to him would be the right thing to do and it wasn't. I didn't think it was selfish at the time, I thought it was putting myself out there, coming clean, blah blah blah, but it was disturbing his process for my own reasons. fail.

Talking to my friends doesn't make me feel better. Talking to my family doesn't make me feel better. Talking to people that like me makes me feel worse because they offer me shallow platitudes that don't sooth the part of me that knows I wronged him. So what plan is this? Plan D? Maybe talking to the internet will help. Having people say bad things stings but it feels more real than the palatable bull**** I'm been swallowing and spewing for a year. And maybe I'll be able to offer an insight that will be helpful to someone else. I don't know. I'm trying to feel better and make things right and I don't know how. This is the current attempt.

Next question.

Well, in what way do you love him? And what are you exactly sorry for? What would you have done differently if you could go back to the situation?

I don't know. I'm sorry for making him feel like he didn't mean anything. I'm sorry for making him feel like he was less than anything. I'm sorry for making him feel like his best wasn't good enough. I'm sorry for how exasperated I sounded when he was trying to get me back and I acted like he was an annoyance. I'm sorry for losing patience with some of our issues and thinking they were bigger than they were. I'm sorry for betraying his trust. I'm sorry for not being the person I should have been. I'm sorry for not listening to him. I'm sorry for not knowing how to care for him and thinking that was his fault and not mine. I'm sorry for not prioritizing him enough. I'm sorry for things I'm not comfortable acknowledging to strangers. But that's a start.

If I could do something differently I never would have left. It made it too easy to distance myself from what I had done and let my ugly feelings run rampant without the regulation of the loving ones. Next.

1. You only felt sorry after the relationship with the new guy backfired. Then, realizing that plan B had not put his life on hold as you expected him to do, your guilt started eating away at you.

I felt sorry before, but I didn't make him a priority. I was trying to hide feeling horrible over that happened with the ex from the current one in a misguided sense of loyalty to the wrong person. That's the betrayal I'm sorry for, putting someone else's feelings over his in some kind of "moving on" babble bull****. I'm uncomfortable as I write this. I'm ashamed. I'm just explaining how I justified it and what I consciously thought I was doing.

You had left a perfectly good relationship for a douchebag. Would you have ever felt guilty if the relationship with the new guy would have worked out? My guess is you wouldn't.

I never said it was a perfectly good relationship. I said that I loved him and I was sorry and a bunch of other things, but we had some big problems, but we didn't deal with them well. They were probably mostly me, but I didn't know it. I thought I had done my best for him, but not only was I wrong about that and in denial about how many times I prioritized other things over him, but by thinking of it in terms of me doing something for him I was giving myself credit for doing things for him in a manner that ultimately led to me distancing myself from him and attributing problems to him that were highly exaggerated. I'm sorry, I know that makes no sense but I don't think I can elaborate without giving away details that don't exclusively belong to me. My point is that we had problems but I wish I hadn't assumed they were terminal. Unfortunately I had to turn into something really ugly in order to realize that I never deserved him in the first place. Prior to hurting him I was unaware of how entitled I was because I didn't have any reason to think of someone's love as something that you earn, it had always been given and I didn't know I wasn't giving enough in return. I thought I deserved it just for being around. Again, I'm not trying to make friends. I'm trying to confront the horror to understand and get rid of it.

Would you have ever felt guilty if the relationship with the new guy would have worked out? My guess is you wouldn't.

I felt awful the whole time but I kept it to myself. Hence the current self-loathing. I used to quite like myself and now I don't. Maybe had never done anything too bad before, or maybe I lack the self-awareness to realize everything I’ve done. I’m trying to work it all out now

2. The opinion of your friends seem to have a major importance in your relationships. Just because they adviced you to leave, you decided to do just that? How many actually adviced you to try and work things out with him? How many adviced you to stay with the new guy? How many adviced you to take some time for yourself after the break? The thing with taking relationship advice from friends is, as I have come to experience, that most of them know jack **** about relationships. How many of them would actually drop their partner in a heartbeat, yet give that very same advice to you? I have met many people, giving tons of advice to everybody, yet hiding the fact that they are having crappy relationships themselves. And still... most people actually listen.

.

Nobody advised me to leave. Nobody advised me to stay. No one questioned my retarded self-serving bull**** at all. Not that it’s their job. It’s mine. Once again, hence the self-loathing. That should be my new band name.(HtSL for short). I had no idea I was such a treacherous spineless piece of crap with no moral compass and an endless ability to rationalize and justify my ****ty actions. Now I know. How do I deal with this new self-image? Write myself off as a ****ty person? I've always thought people saying, "I'm a bad person" is just them giving themselves license to be horrible and masking it as loathing in an attempt to duck responsibility. I now know that I am capable of horrible things but I don't think I'm an inherently bad person. So I'm trying to figure out wtf happened, and what kind of control I have to atone (little, it seems) or prevent it from ever happening again. Obviously I lack the skills to figure it out on my own, hence the reaching out.

[wilsonx]

You're not as bad as you make yourself out to be, give yourself some credit. You have learned to "Eat Crow" and that's a step forward in the right direction.

 

I empathize with what you are going through. I have done it, I have a lot of friends that have done it. Its just a different way of growing up. We dont listen so we learn the hard way. We learn not to stick our hand in the fire by sticking our hand in the fire.

[without]

I think if you in reality had found a better one , instead of that other bad guy you wouldn't have felt this way:regret.

you would have been happy ,not caring about anyone.

[Shinobi]

I think if you in reality had found a better one , instead of that other bad guy you wouldn't have felt this way:regret.

you would have been happy ,not caring about anyone.

 

The term "a better one" always makes me think. And I think there is no such thing (well, not exactly but sort of)... Remember the beginning of the relationship? Anything bad to say about the other person? No.

 

When two people are in a relationship issues between them inevitably show up. These issues multiply if both of them are not commited and dealing with them- this starts to drag the relationship down and in time one or both people start feeling "differently".

 

How they view the other person starts changing and suddenly they see only flaws. The other person "holds them back, choking them, is a burden, the feelings are gone"... etc.

 

More often the woman decides to leave for other man because all of this instead of working things out (for me there is no issue which can not be solved between two people ecxept cheating, infidelity...). So she/he leaves and starts dating with another. Guess what- they think "what a person, what a fresh start, I am alive again, my previous relationship was so toxic, I met a better person"...

 

And guess what again- issues start rising again in the new relationship- it may take 1-2-5-10 years but they will come. And what again- the same thoughts- "the spark is gone, we are not going anywhere, she/he has this flaw and that"... This is our mentality. And what my friends should we do- repeat the cycle again?

 

I think that when we are not mature enough we just turn around and leave without fighting for the relationship. WHen you are mature you make decision to try to keep it. There is no better or worse person- how do you judge them? According to your criteria? It is your criteria, not the universal one. And remember- issues will arise.

 

In a different stage of maturity the same person you left might appear to be the best and the one to fight to be with. I know many of you will disagree and I know we are not equal and there really is difference between all of us. I just want to say that the things depend entirely on us and not on some inevitability or karma. But we have to remember that it takes two people for a relationship and it will work if both of them realized that they will fight for a relationship rather to turn around and leave repeating the cycle... Thank you.

[without]

I totally agree with you Shinobi, but i meant if the new relationship had turned out the way she wanted she would have never come here feeling she made a mistake and end up feeling bad about what happened.

 

yes i agree that's its a matter of being mature, which is very rare meeting a mature person.

[Shinobi]

I totally agree with you Shinobi, but i meant if the new relationship had turned out the way she wanted she would have never come here feeling she made a mistake and end up feeling bad about what happened.

 

yes i agree that's its a matter of being mature, which is very rare meeting a mature person.

 

I agree with you also- the life is so subjectional... I kind of apply Janusian thinking which in life is very useful. I also think that if her new relationship went in the way she was hoping or thinking in the beginning she would not be here. Dumpers realize (if ever) their actions only when it comes back around on them. I also do not know what stops her from trying again with this guy- at least she can pour her soul infront of him. I encourage her to do that, I would give my ex a chance to do that despite the horrible way she left and no way to be together again.

[DMS]

Thanks for posting this and opening it up for what has been an insightful discussion. I am the dumped in a similar situation and received a lot of the ignoring and cold treatment you described. It is nice to know that the nearly 5 years we spent together might not be as forgotten by her as she made it seem.

[without]

I agree with you also- the life is so subjectional... I kind of apply Janusian thinking which in life is very useful. I also think that if her new relationship went in the way she was hoping or thinking in the beginning she would not be here. Dumpers realize (if ever) their actions only when it comes back around on them. I also do not know what stops her from trying again with this guy- at least she can pour her soul infront of him. I encourage her to do that, I would give my ex a chance to do that despite the horrible way she left and no way to be together again.

 

I would give my ex a chance too XD but it wouldn't work out anyway, he loves someone else.

[Phanpooh]

@Wilsonx: i was here for almost 1y, and i think it's time to "wake up"!

@Spatula: Stop being angry ( even you dun think so), you lost your self-respect and that why sh|t happened.

He is fine even you do something or not, time heal him but if you keep stuck in your " i made things work", you are keeping yourself in grief stage and that suck. Someone here, in LS, hold themself to fault sense and then believe that that called "love" so they delayed themself with healing process and it's funny

You still have feeling for him? or your mind ?

Remember at begining, how easily you guys fell in love? and why it's so hard to talk at now? There is something missing in new relationship? and you think in last, you could find it. You r not blaming yourself and think people treat you like crap? believe me, they dun mean it to you. Stop talking with your own voice and start to listen! at least take care of everyone around you now.

And let me tell you, even your ex is in LS, and you use your public nickname, he know who you are but "i'm sorry" isn't enough for him! so then stop be sorry for things didn't happen. Dun punish yourself, you are deserve more. Good luck! ^_^

Want to answer my question?

Tell me who is your closest people now? and how you treat them? where is your "little person", when is last time you are happy?

And WHY YOU KEEP STALKING HIM if you r sure he is worth to be without you ? creepy

[Reddice]

I don't know what else to do. I thought apologizing to him would be the right thing to do and it wasn't. I didn't think it was selfish at the time, I thought it was putting myself out there, coming clean, blah blah blah, but it was disturbing his process for my own reasons. fail.

 

Well... It depends on what your intentions are. If the sole thing you set out to do was to apologized, then you succeeded. Whether he accepts your apologies or not, is no longer your problem. However, if your objective is to be forgiven, then your approach must change. You will need to ask yourself though why you want to be forgiven. Is it because you hope to reconcile at one point or another, or is it just for your own peace of mind? If the answer is that it's for yourself, then you should stay away from him. You will only seem more selfish and probably also reawaken his feelings for you, which will set him back.

 

 

Talking to my friends doesn't make me feel better. Talking to my family doesn't make me feel better. Talking to people that like me makes me feel worse because they offer me shallow platitudes that don't sooth the part of me that knows I wronged him. So what plan is this? Plan D? Maybe talking to the internet will help.

 

I keep wondering what's so special about you that people can't just be straight up honest with you. After all, isn't that what friends are for? Not just to support you, but also help you when you're lost. To be your moral compass. Who died and made you queen?

 

 

I never said it was a perfectly good relationship. I said that I loved him and I was sorry and a bunch of other things, but we had some big problems, but we didn't deal with them well.

 

No relationship is perfect. Sometimes we look at our friends and relatives and compare our relationship with theirs. When we do that, all other relationships seems so great, so peacefull and so loving. And then ours seem to be missing the things that the others do seem have. But it's not a fair comparison, as we don't see what lies beneath the surface. We don't see the arguments, the cheating, the lying. We don't see it when the man hangs out more often with his friends than with his GF, we don't see when the woman spends all her money on fancy clothes and lies about it. I remember my ex compared our relationship with that of her friends often. When I told her that things are not what they appear to be, she just didn't understand. Not even when one of her friends called her for advice and even told her that her BF was having second thoughts about living together. No, instead she focused on the fact that they had made up the day after and that they were doing great again! Yeah right..! Perhaps you were like this as well a couple of months ago. You should always try to remember though, that a loving and caring relationship cannot be developed in ease and quiet. You will have to go through hardship to get to that deeper level of commitment. This is where many relationships fail, because one of the partners fails to realize it. And seeing as our western societies are focused on instant gratification, we fail to see what's going on. We want to have our quick fix, our fast forward button, our wonder pil. But live does not work like that.

Edited June 18, 2012 by Reddice

[GLDheart]

WOW. Three pages of responses in a blur....

 

It looks like the dumpees (myself included) have lots to get off thier chests towards unavailable dumpers.

 

With that out of the way, thank you for posting you perspective. I admire your ability to see harm in what you did. If you truly own it you can avoid future guilt by never repeating what you now recognize were mistakes on your part.

 

I truly hope my ex someday gets to the point you are at.

[olddirtyspatula]

So I've been thinking about this all day. I even finished all of my work early so I could devote sufficient time to the thinkety-typety.

 

Long story short: Shinobi’s right, it’s all about maturity.

 

Short story long:

I'm not happy with how I said you have to deserve love. That's not true, and if someone were to take that attitude that'd be completely ****ed up. What I mean by that is that my parents were very affectionate and so was my ex, and I thought I was nurturing, but I think I've never had to give any thought to love because it's always been there. I mean I've been dumped, I've spent years single, I haven't always had romantic love, but I've always been loved in some way or another. So I didn't appreciate how fully my ex gave me his love, I think that's why I took it for granted. It would have been ****ed up for him to say or think that I needed to do something to "deserve" his love, but I wish I had had more of a sense of what a precious thing I was being given, and had done more to thank him for it, to show my appreciation. I wish I had had more of a feeling that i didn't deserve it, so I would have felt that grateful drive to show him how much I appreciated the valuable thing he gave me.

 

And yes, that is a direct result of having dated a DB after my ex. The DB had all of these crazy mindgames going on, had me always walking on hot coals. He was so demanding I unfortunately took better care of the DB than I did the sweetheart because the DB demanded it and I complied. I thought I did a lot for the good one, until I got with a total egotist who demanded more, and I realized in retrospect I could have been doing so much more for the sweet one but he rarely asked (part of him being so sweet). Again, I wish I'd had the prescience to see the gaps without him needing to tell me, and not been satisfied and complacent when he said I was doing good things, but I didn't. So yes, I needed to be with an ******* in order to learn how to care for and appreciate a normal person. I mean, I wish I had been better about knowing without being told, but I also wish he had been better about making his needs met and not tried so hard to be accomidating to me. And I wish lessons worked in retrospect, that I could take this knowledge and treat him better with it, but I can't. I hope someone who tries too hard in unbalanced relationships can learn from this. There’s no honor nor love in not speaking up for yourself.

 

Anyway, so it would have been ****ed up for my ex to tell me I needed to deserve his love, but I still wish I had done more to deserve it. But I keep thinking about this attitude, of stewing in your hatred for someone because they don't want to spend their lives with you, and it really bothers me. I mean, unless your ex does something that is in its own right wrong, lying, cheating, etc, it strikes me as unbelievably egotistical to hate someone for not giving their lives to you. If someone chooses to spend their lives with you, that’s the biggest, most intimate thing they can possibly give you. I can say a million words to a million people, I can **** whoever however many times, but I only have one life to share, and it’s the only thing that stands between me and nothingness and death. What makes anyone feel like they are being slighted if I don’t give it to them? You can never fault someone for making their own choice with that, nor can you demand it.

 

I don’t know if I’m sold on this obsession with NC, either. I can tell I’m probably wrong here because I’m getting that feeling I usually get right before I say something that sounds totally right in my head until I say it and then someone explains to me why I was a total bitch just now, but I feel a little, not sure the word. I’m just realizing I’ve spent a whole year feeling like a monster for ignoring him when in reality, now that I look back, I ignored him the first month and then he started NC and I’ve emailed him several times and he’s ignored every one because of the NC dogma. I’m not a monster. I tried to initiate contact several times and he usually ignored it. That’s not my fault.

 

Anyway.

You will have to go through hardship to get to that deeper level of commitment. This is where many relationships fail, because one of the partners fails to realize it. And seeing as our western societies are focused on instant gratification, we fail to see what's going on. We want to have our quick fix, our fast forward button, our wonder pil. But live does not work like that.

I think a big problem too is the “many fish in the sea” idea, like people are disposable. If this one isn’t perfect try again with another one. I didn’t know I had that idea but I did. I genuinely had this retarded notion that since our relationship had been taking a turn for the worse, I was nagging him and he deserved someone who didn’t give him **** for the nitpicky things I’d bug him about, and he’d be better off if I set him free to find that mythical person. Like, yeah, sure, I’ll just stop by the Perfect Girlfriend store on my way home from work, thanks for reminding me. Assclown. It’s embarrassing to admit, it’s so ****ing stupid.

Want to answer my question?

Tell me who is your closest people now? and how you treat them? where is your "little person", when is last time you are happy?

And WHY YOU KEEP STALKING HIM if you r sure he is worth to be without you ? creepy

I’ve got plenty of close friends. For some reason I’m an excellent friend and a horrible girlfriend. I knew that before I even met this guy. I think it must have something to do with the taking affection for granted, and the guardedness about sharing my life. I mean, being a good friend is easy. I take some time out of my day to try to understand them or do something thoughtful for a friend and they’re happy that I thought of them, I’m happy that they appreciate it, win/win. Loved ones are different because they require so much more. You can’t be a good partner without giving them every part of you. Totally different.

 

Yes I stalk him. No I’m not ashamed. If you ever loved someone once, you always do. They become a part of you, and that’s not dependent on whether they want you in their lives or not, it’s your feelings that belong to you. Of course that doesn’t give you a right to be in their lives or demand anything from them (that’s where the creepy comes in), but they can’t control or deny how you feel. I see now that it was selfish of me to email him so many times when he clearly wanted nothing to do with me. I was just desperate for him to know that I was sorry and he meant more than I acted, but all of you are right, he didn’t need it to come from me. (yay! Forums! Differing opinions! Offering you perspectives you can’t get on your own!)

 

**** it. It feels good when I have things around me that remind me of him. Not initially it didn’t. I couldn’t listen to certain musicians for months. But now it’s like… I don’t know. He’s not in my life, he doesn’t want me in his life, but there was a reason why we really loved each other. I liked a lot about him, and I like having those things around me. And the immaturity and other things that got in between us are completely unrelated to the things I loved about him, so it can’t possibly negate them. Why would my fears about giving my life to someone for XYZ emotional reasons make me any less interested in what he have to say, what kinds of things he thinks about? I’ll stop eventually, but I spent so much time trying not to think about him, it just seems right to wallow in it a little bit now, process it all until there’s nothing left to process.

The end.

[Phanpooh]

Simple is the best!

Wanna diet? Stop eating, fatty

wanna money? Work your ass, lazy

wanna be happy? Find someone make you feel it and dun let him go!

You always talk about your past tense. You said you ignored him and now you mean he wanted it. So stop doing anything around him, and focus in yourself.

Was you happy? And why break-up? He worth for fighting again? Do you think you "liked" him and still? If he die tomorrow, what you say? And believe me, he doesnt want to see you being unhappy.

[Winning]

False hope is false hope, not in all cases does the one who broke up with you harbor regrets. Sometimes they go on without a care in the world, like in my ex's case. Sometimes they do have regrets, but not enough to act on them. Sometimes the regrets are severe enough for them to reach out and admit a mistake and want a reconciliation. It is just too varied to make a blanket statement.

 

Suffice to say, no contact is the way to go and the dumpee should never contact again. The dumper knows how to get in touch....if s/he does not, that says it right there.

[babba13]

i struggle to understand that if you ignore someone that you could possible still love or care for them... i have been ignored myself now for 1year and half and mine even crosses the road to avoid me for extra effect she has never once contacted me ever i have reached out on so many levels just to be civil i have no idea why she carnt even face me so your thread was an interesting read but i doubt very highly she is anything like you

Edited June 28, 2012 by babba13

[Peagle87]

OP do you have PM?