1 month NC since meeting up, feeling better by the day

[Headintheclouds]

The short story goes, we broke up. I went NC for a month and a week. She texted me some breadcrumbs that I fell for. We met up and it went bad. The band aid was tore off my wound and I was left at square 1 again. Yesterday marks 1 month NC since that day we met up…

 

Things have changed so much for me. I've come to a lot of realizations. First off, meeting up with her sucked and it left me in a lot of pain. The thing is, it made me realize that there was nothing to hold onto anymore. I didn't get closure, but I did gain perspective.

 

It has been about 4 months since the initial breakup. My life is completely different now than it was 4 months ago. At first I felt like I didn't know who I was anymore, and I didn't like who I was becoming. I've realized that this is because I am changing, and I simply wasn't used to what was going on around me, or inside of me. Now I have accepted this new life, and I am really starting to enjoy myself more day by day.

 

I've realized that all the things I think about that were great about our relationship were from the first 2 years (we were together 5). Every good memory, every painful thought goes back to the early days. The past 3 years were not full of good memories. They were full of insecurity, doubt, and both of us being too busy to enjoy each other. I felt like I was living with my best friend, and thats really all it was. I thought about breaking up with her years ago, but couldn't bring myself to do it, and then, BAM… she pulled the plug herself.

 

One day a week or 2 ago I just woke up and felt different. I still think about her all the time but there isn't much of a "pull". I miss her a lot but I know that even if she came back to me right now, I really don't think I could accept it. The more time passes, I truly think that this is the right thing. Even when I think about the future and if something could happen between us again, I don't think its possible.

 

NC is working for me. My biggest fear right now is running into her. In my mind she almost doesn't exist, and thats where I need to keep her. We run in similar circles so I really hope I just don't randomly run into her. If I do I'd want to be prepared…Look my best, be in a good frame of mind, and possibly with another, hotter female I'm not trying to compete with her, but If I do see her I don't want her to have a single doubt that I've moved on.

 

I made a conscious choice not to date anyone for awhile. I made this choice after I dated a girl for about a month after the break up. I just wasn't capable of emotional reciprocation. I think I am now at a point where I could possibly explore dating again. I am not going out of my way to make it happen though. If it does, it does.

 

Anyways, I just want to let you all know that it does get better. It will get better faster if you concentrate on yourself. I've been in good shape all my life, but right now I am more fit than I've ever been. I have many outlets to keep my mind busy and clear. Its not easy. The words of encouragement and relating to situations on this message board do help, but It takes persistence and the will to help yourself out of this hole. No one is going to do it for you. It sucks, but once you finally start feeling like you are moving forward, everything will start to make sense.