about my emotions. Not In-Love? or just immature.

[ConfusedTraveller]

Hi, thankyou for any help from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I have been trying to figure myself out, and am lost.

 

Have been with my wife 8.5years, married 2 years. We were together since I left high school, she is 1year older.

 

We both came from families that were a little messed up, nothing abusive, or over the top, just there wasnt much love. So I guess this is what attracted us to each other.

My wife is nice, caring, friendly, and would do anything for me. Sure sometimes she is a bit needy, and tiny bit emotionally abusive, but nothing over the top or unusually bad.

 

We always did everything together, and liked it that way, spending as much time as possible. This lead to our only real fight 3-4yrs in when I realised that I was losing some of my friends by ignoring them, and no longer doing the hobbies I enjoyed.

 

Things were good again, and I always know she would make the best mother, she is kind, caring, so I thought it would be a good idea to propose. She said yes, and we had a great wedding.

 

We have moved overseas, with the plan to adventure, and explore while we were here.

 

I feel like I have just gone along with everything in life, I was happy, but I did the next stage each time, as it was the logical idea.

 

I find myself at the moment in a situation, where I really care for my wife, don't want her to get hurt, but at the same time, I am no longer sexually attracted to her. I no longer want to put in any effort, and I just don't have any of those couple feelings I used to have, I am more or less indifferent.

 

I don't know if its becuase I have made logical choices and because things were good, just kept going on. Now I just feel locked in, and trapped.

 

When I try to think about my situation, and look at stories on here, I don't know how certain people cope in their situations, I feel like mine is so PG compared to you.

 

But I can't help feeling the way I do. So I want to know

 

Has anyone experienced a point where they just stop caring, wonder what is out there, and if they made the best decision for the rest of their life?

Is this a phase?

Will I get the love back, I am trying to be sweet, spend time with her, but I just don't want to touch her some days, but I do, as I thought if I make myself try I will eventually snap out of this.

 

I am happy with life, how things are going, and we are seeing a Couples therapist, as one of my friends suggested that I talk to her about how I feel. I feel if things get better it will never be the same as I have broken her trust by bringing up the D word.

 

I jsut don;t know what to do. I don;t want her to be hurt, I don't want to make a dumb decision, but at the same time I just want to escape.

 

Will it pass? I just want things to be happy again.

[Philosoraptor]

Well the thing you need to figure out is what you want. Do you want to be with your wife or do you want to move on and find someone else?

 

Your marriage is not forever tainted by bringing up your feelings or divorce. Your wife has the ability to forgive and let it go as things get better between the two of you.

 

Your issue seems to be around wanting to experience someone else. You were quite young when the two of you got together and I'm really unsure how much dating experience you have outside of her. Don't let curiosity be the end of your relationship though as you apparently felt enough to marry this woman and it's not something to give up based on a what if. It's true that there might be better out there, but it's not easy to find. Dating is not easy nor is finding a suitable match.

[thatone]

i joke with my mom and stepdad that the reason they've gotten along so well together over 20 years is that they don't see each other that often. he's an oil/gas pipeline engineer so on the road when he's working, and in his late 50s still doesn't want to give up the job because he enjoys it.

 

in a round about way that's true. they get plenty of time to do what they want. she likes staying home with her dog and fiddling around with art lessons, he gets to go on the road and get paid to walk around in the woods by himself, he's kinda 'country'.

 

you said your wife is needy and a 'tad abusive' in your words.

 

that's it, in a nutshell. i would suspect that she gives you little space for your own interests and her entire self worth is determined by how you make her feel. if you don't make her feel like she wants, she blames you for it. and you walk around on pins and needles because you don't wanna rock the boat.

 

that pretty accurate?

 

keep going to the counseling and explain this to the counselor. make sure that she understands that the present situation will not continue. if your issues don't get worked out, you will leave. then the ball is in her court. she can grow up or you'll be gone.

 

you're dealing with a childish person. how do you get children to behave? threat of punishment. her punishment is you leaving her unless she behaves better.