xtrememan315 Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Hi Everyone, About a week ago me and my "wife to be" split up. The wierd thing about the split is that we were living together and I thought everything was going fine but then when I came home from work everything of hers was gone and moved out and my house key and engagment ring was laying on the table with NO not or anything. I tried calling and she just said this is what she wanted. And I tried pleaing with her to come back about three or four times and everytime I do this she just gets pissed off and tells me I am making her mad. She has been hanging out with her friends a lot in the past month and I feel like they made her think I treated her like crap, but if you asked anyone that knew us they would tell you I treated her like a princess. It has been a week since the split and I am going insane because I love her more than anything and I can't stand sleeping or just sitting around the house without her. Most of the people I have talked to have told me to ignore her but it is nearly impossible to do. I hate being in this position and I have no clue what I should do! Someone please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
She's Come Undone Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 I will just give you my example, but I will not assume it applies to you: The last boyfriend I had I felt really treated me bad, especially near the end when we were living together. He was very generous to me, but that never replaces bad behavior. He perhaps assumed my friends were influencing me, when I bought my own house, and actually said as much. In reality my friends supported and solidified feelings that I already had about the relationship and him as a whole. I already knew what I felt, I just needed people to agree with me so that I didn't lose what might have been someone great. It's not that I don't trust my feelings, I just like to make sure they're on target. So in my case my friends did not need to "make me think" he was treating me like crap. And now he's dating my best friend...and we all work together...so you see what kind of guy he really was. I guess it also depends on your ages as to whether her friends could really make her think something she doesn't already think. Sorry that she chooses not to tell you why she left though. It's definitely going to take time! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Whatever issues she has, if she is not willing to communicate with you then you don't need her. I know you don't see it that way now, but would you want her back just because you miss her and want her presence, even knowing that she is not happy? Do you think that you could ever trust her to not do this to you again? She needs to grow up and learn how to communicate. If she was not happy in the relationship it was her responsibility to discuss it with you so you could work together to correct problems or make improvements. Running away is cowardly and childish. If you contact her again don't plead with her. Tell her you think its cowardly to leave without a word and childish to not discuss the problems with you and wish her well. Tell her you still love her and that you might be open to discuss her issues sometime over the next month, but after that period of adjustment you will consider the relationship permanently ended. If she wants to talk with you, maybe even go for couples counseling, you will be open to that and if you do decide to get back together you expect to work with her to set mutual boundaries and goals and establish better communication. Then let her go and think about what she has done, while you go out with some friends and go bowling or play golf or go to a game or something. Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 Mate, what a cow she is!! Looking as someone on the outside looking in, one thing you may take solace in is that you found this all out BEFORE you got married. What she has done shows no courage and no respect for you. Would you really want that kind of situation occur if you had kids? Is that the kind of values and attitude that you would want from the mother of your children? I know it is hard and you wonder why. I know it hurts and confuses you to your core. I know it will take you a long time to get over (hell, I am five months since my ex left me and even though I have someone new I miss her and potentially want her back.) In your situation mate, leave her be. If you were good to her and you obviously sound like you care, the more you dont talk to her the more she will miss you. When she misses you maybe - and I say maybe - she will contact you. In the interim, do stuff for you - you will grieve, but make things change for you - read, exercise, cook, learn - because she may never come back. It sucks, but you may ultimately have seen something your love for her was blind to - what and who she really is like. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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