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Just venting...it's been a month and I give up


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You are a diamond and someday a man is going to find you and you will be a jewel to him. I cant believe you are alone. Well I cant believe I am alone, yet I am, and with my luck at this point being what it is who knows.

 

You are right though, she is afraid to find a job away from momma, she told me her Mom needs her, well I think it is the other way, why else would you want to work for Mom and her business partner, the man who she had the affair with that ended her first marriage. How can she stand to be around him daily knowing that, I could not do it and from all the folks I have talked to, (alot) nor could they. So Momma must have one hell of a hold on her, something she either cant break, or dont want to break.

 

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Hey...

I've been following along for quite a while without much to say, and really feeling both sad and happy for the people on this string (Specifically Kia and Stringfellow) for what they've gone through.

 

One thing I've noticed about myself, being a very giving person by nature, is that I find it very hard to be the recipient of others' gifts. I used to find it intolerable to accept even a complement, and I tried to find a way to deflect the positive attention of others (even though I really am a lovely, smart girl, and caught that attention often, without trying). I dated a guy once who gave me a really hard time about that. I forced myself to learn to accept the gift of positive attention with grace, and not to try to reciprocate ("oh, you look nice too!"). Over the years, I've realized that regardless of my external appearance of being pretty and having it together, I really didn't believe that I was pretty or knew what the heck I was doing. I think that I've started to realize that I was sometimes a giver out of some fear that I wasn't good enough to ever be the recipient...does that make any sense?

 

This might sound corny but one of the ways I've trained myself to be a reciever is to go get a massage now and then. Sure, I'm paying for it, and I expect that, but then I get the gift of my masseuse focusing on what I really need. It's helped me feel better both physically and emotionally...well worth it! Now I think I'm more balanced, as Kia said--better at giving appropriately, and being thankful when I receive! My Mom is a huge martyr type and I am sure that her constant self sacrificing influenced me a great deal. I still tend to feel selfish when I'm simply taking care of myself...something she chooses not to do for herself. So, like everyone, I still have learning to do.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello, as this day of Thanksgiving closes and we head towards Christmas I would like to take this time to tell everyone on here who has read of my past and those struggles I have and am still dealing with thank you for listening and giving your support to me, I appreciate it so very much. Without you I really dont think I could have made it, your support was awesome so very much.

 

One day we will find that special person meant for each of us. I think of you all as friends even though we have never met. May God bless each one of you and send you that special person into your lives.

 

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