Words and actions seem very different!!

[sweetnsassyredhead]

I will try to keep this short and easy to read, I am new here but have been reading a lot of posts and everybody seems very nice here.

 

I have been seeing this guy for 5 months now and I have a few things that are bothering me. I have fallen completely in love with this man and he has with me. He tells me all the time that he loves me to death, more then anything else, more then i can imagine. Well he has a very busy work schedule, works at least 12 hours a day Monday thru Friday. He also has two children from a previous marriage that he gets all the time, so he is a very busy person. I spend time with him when he can and everything is great. Well there are some things that are hurting me about our relationship.

 

When we first started dating, he would not give me his home number, said he had been harassed by an ex-g/f before and was very cautious, so i had his cell number. Then he game me his home number, but he never answered it when i called and there was not machine. Well then i asked if i wrote it down wrong and he said yes i and i got the new number. I called that number and it said it was disconnected. Well to this day I still don't have his home number and he says that he won't give it to me cause he hates using the phone, and that when his home phone rings he never answers it anyway. Well his cell phone is a prepaid so he runs out of minutes a lot so i have no way to contact him except by instant messenger or email.

 

Then we had made plans to meet somewhere and he was bringing his kids, no problem i have met them before and they are great (2 boys ages 3 and 2). Well I got there when we said to meet and I waited for 1/2 an hour and he still hadn't showed or called my cell phone. So I left, well then later that night he yells at me for standing him up, and that I should have been more patient and waited longer then 1/2 an hour. This really hurt me.

 

So we got over this, and moved on. Things like this continue to happen, we make plans, and he either has to work late, or his ex-wife shows up with his kids unexpectedly so plans change or get canceled. I have talked to him about this and he always says "what do you want me to do quit my job? you think I like not being able to see you but only once or twice a week" so then it gets turned around that I am being selfish and not understanding.

 

Well it has been getting better, but last night we had made plans, not firm, but if he got off work early and was not too tired could we watch a movie together, he said sure. Well then I get a email around 7:30PM that he is going to his sisters for a little while and will be back in a bit. Well his sister lives an hour away, so by time he got back it would be too late for us to watch the movie. This hurt, as I feel that I am not very important to him and I am something to do when he has nothing better to do. Most of the time he will get off work and just go home and play computer games online and talk to me by instant messenger, why not come and see me instead of playing games, or me going to his place. (yes i have been to his place before) I have never stayed overnight there, but he has spent some nights with me at my place. I have suggested me going with him to his sister's a couple of times, nothing big, so that we could spend more time together, and he always says no, and then he told me that he feels pressured by me to meet his sister. I understand it may be too soon for that, and i have only asked like twice and always drop it when he says no. He is 30 and I am 27, he tells me that he sees me as someone he can be with forever, be married to had have more kids with, that he loves me with everything that he is, but it seems his actions are much different.

 

So any advice or just your perspective on the situation would be a great help.

[FreeMe]

I would strongly suspect he's married or living with someone. He supposed working hours, not giving you his number, not showing up or being excessively late, general unavailability, not letting you meet his sister all are suspicous and point to married.

 

Maybe "his" place wasn't really his. Maybe it was a friend's place who lets him use it for illicit affairs. Sounds like a lot of different excuses not to give his number. A lot of juggling of numbers. He gives you the wrong one, then one that's disconnected.

 

Doesn't look good. I think he's lying and stringing you along. Sorry.

[sweetnsassyredhead]

well it was his place, as he had pictures of his kids all over the place, and I have been there when he has his kids. I have been over there a lot, sometimes until the very early am.

 

I know he has a lot of excuses and I have feared the married thing, but then that doesn't explain how he can go out late with me and spend the night with me. But I know that it is always a possibility that he is married or living with someone.

[FreeMe]

I have heard of guys who keep an apartment their wife doesn't know about. If he is married, as far as staying with you overnight, he could be telling her he's out of town on business or something like that. You'd be surprised how creative people can be when they're cheating.

 

Whatever his deal is, it sounds like he's lying. There are just too many obvious red flags as I mentioned above.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I agree with FreeMe in that there are some peculiarities (evasiveness) with this man that just don't seem to add up. But I think at this point it's irrelevant to consider whether or not he is hiding something from you. Even if he's on the up-and-up…it doesn't seem like he's willing (or able) to invest as much into a relationship as you are.

 

You're obviously not happy with the direction things are going, and it's unlikely that things will change any time soon. If you're not happy now, I don't expect you will be any happier later on unless you're able to "just get use to it."

 

No sense in putting all your eggs in just one basket. I don't think this man is a good relationship bet for you. Unless he's really worth the gamble, I'd step back for a while and re-evaluate things. You're still single, and are more than free to pursue other options if you choose to. Perhaps you should give yourself the opportunity to meet someone who might make a better "fit."

 

Any other hopeful prospects on the horizon?

[sweetnsassyredhead]

no other prospects as we both decided a while ago that we were going to be exclusive. I think the same as you that he is not going to or willing to put more into the relationship, so I need to step back and like you said think about everything.