My husband is very critical

[missy812]

This is a bit long but I am looking for unbiased opinions. Thank you in advance.

 

Husband and I have been married for almost 6 years. I have a 14 year old daughter that he has raised with me since marriage (her father is not involved.)

We argue all the time.

Sometimes I feel like I have to watch what I say around him. Our relationship didn't used to be this way.

 

My husband is extremely critical of me. When I first got together with him, I was a pretty messy person and a little irresponsible (I was 24.) My mom always picked up after me and did everything for me. My husband criticized me a lot and really taught me how to be more responsible – which I needed. Well, now that we have been together for 9 years and I have grown up, we still have this type of relationship. He is constantly criticizing me. He also talks crap about me to my daughter, calling us both lazy asses. He always groups us in together when he talks about something she is doing wrong, like “you guys need to clean up after yourselves!” When it’s really just HER.

When we fight, he goes days without speaking to me. This used to bother me, but I have now come to enjoy my time without him griping at me.

 

I feel like when things are going fine, he has to dig to find something to get mad at me about… and if he can’t think of anything he’ll bring up the past.

 

I admit that he does do more housework than me, but I also want to point out that I work between 10 and 14 hours a day. He works 8. I also do most of the driving when it comes to my daughter (to school, dance, etc..)

 

I am sure it’s also relevant to bring up the fact that he works nights and I work days, so we only see each other on the weekend.

 

I find myself not wanting to be around him. I think it is because when he’s not criticizing me, he is telling me I don’t care about him or love him. He says I’m not affectionate enough.

 

Nothing I do is EVER enough. No matter how hard I try, how hard I work, he finds something wrong with me.

 

I am 99% sure this marriage is over and thinking about that is relieving. I love him, but I really cannot live like this anymore. I am extremely unhappy and it seems like he is too.

 

He is very closed minded to marriage counseling, but he said he’d do it as a last resort, although he doesn’t think it will help. But now I am to the point where I don’t even want to do that. I am ready for this marriage to be over. I don’t have motivation to fix it anymore.

 

How do you know when the marriage is really over?

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]

[darkmoon]

I feel like when things are going fine, he has to dig to find something to get mad at me about… and if he can’t think of anything he’ll bring up the past.

 

he brings up the past, i think he's a dominant male with an i-am-right mindset, any old gripe will do

 

until i read about him bringing up the past, i wasnt sure, but if you want to go, i'd go, even marriage counselling gets him snarky

[missy812]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Thank you for responding. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I talked to my him tonight. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him I feel he treats me like a child. He said it’s because I act like one. He said I never clean up after myself (which is a complete lie) and said I never participate in cleaning up the kitchen (also a lie.) He said all I do is go to work, come home, and go to bed… yeah because I work long days. It’s like he doesn’t realize that or something. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]He said if I don't want to listen to him, I can leave. So I said ok.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Our marriage is over and I am relieved.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[Ninja'sHusband]

I was gonna say you need to spend more normal time together, seems like you only get to see each other when you are both exhausted and cranky. You need time where you can just enjoy each other the way I assume you used to...

 

but it's over now??

[missy812]

I was gonna say you need to spend more normal time together, seems like you only get to see each other when you are both exhausted and cranky. You need time where you can just enjoy each other the way I assume you used to...

 

but it's over now??

 

Yes. He told me he's never going to stop criticising me and I can't live like that any more.

[fucpcg]

Yes. He told me he's never going to stop criticising me and I can't live like that any more.

 

If he blatantly throws around comments like that, no he's not someone you should be with. But it also sounds like you should not be with anyone until you address your own issues.

[TaraMaiden]

He's a bully. Make sure you get a good legal advisor, and don't take anything your H. says at face value.

[momiss2]

I lived my life with a critical husband for 22 years.. and was extremely unhappy because of it. Nothing he did or didn't do was ever wrong. He didn't listen but was quick to note all my short comings. Thanks to his lack of morals I left a marriage I should have left 10 years earlier. 3 years out and close to divorce... it was rough but I did it.. I'm surviving on my own and don't have that voice trying to tell me what's wrong with me all the time. My confidence is returning. Whats good for you is not necessarily the way they want... love is patient love is kind.... that's what I want next. I was an angry resentful wife with nothing left to give him... thank goodness it's over. I am glad I stayed for so many years... at least the kids were old enough to have the major parenting accomplished. Do whats best for you at this point. Good luck and be strong

[M30USA]

My wife would say that I'm overly critical and nagative, too. But perhaps there is reason to be? Within 2 months of being married she started getting physically violent with me. It's happened numerous times. with the most recent one resulting in her arrest. In addition, she was a SAHM and yet seemed to make me to an unfair share of work around the house. Just to give you an idea, I actually find that it's easier to manage the house on my own than it was to manage the house with her (supposedly as a team with her help).