Scared her off for good?

[sharpwit]

Sorry for the length, but it's complicated...I reconnected via Facebook with a girl about a year ago (I had known her briefly about 10 years earlier when we worked at the same place). We met, really hit it off (we have a LOT in common), I asked her out, she said yes. The date went well, but when I asked her out again she said due to various personal issues (including the fact she's bipolar & seeing a therapist) she couldn't date anyone at the moment. But hoped we could be friends. Yep, I got friendzoned.

 

I actually liked her beyond any romantic/physical attraction, so decided to give it a try. We hung out fairly regularly for a few months & did become close friends but around the same time I had an old health problem reoccur (severe back pain). I confided in her a lot about what was going on and she was very supportive...more than most of my other friends. I make a lot more money than she does so to show my gratitude for her being there for me I always paid when we went out anywhere and bought several of her framed photos (she's an amateur photographer). I was starting to fall for her as more for a friend but knew for various reasons it wasn't going to happen (my health for one).

 

Anyway, the health problem hasn't gone away (still in horrible pain) and I seriously overshared all of that with her, but I honestly didn't feel like I had anyone else to talk about it with. About 6 weeks ago, we went out to dinner (I had promised her I'd buy two more of her photos) and she mentioned she had dated somebody for a short time but it didn't work out. She also mentioned that she was in counseling for alcohol abuse. I decided that if she was dating again, even with her assorted issues, I was going to ask her if she'd like to try a more-than-friends relationship.

 

So I asked her. She seemed stunned/surprised. I asked her if she would think about it and I'd give her some space. We hugged as we always did and parted amicably. She said she would think about it.

 

I screwed up on giving her space because I still emailed her a few times--about other stuff, not about the "will you date me" issue, but I know now I shouldn't have done that. She never responded to anything I sent.

 

About a month ago I had a major personal crisis (long story), got drunk (very unusual for me) and sent her an email saying it was clear she wasn't interested in me as a friend, much less anything else, and unfriended her on Facebook (and told her I had stopped payment on the check I had mailed her for the photos, which she hadn't cashed). I apologized profusely several days later and sent her a re-friend request, but she never responded and clicked "ignore" on the friend request (it changed on her profile from "Friend Request Sent" back to "Add as Friend).

 

A few days ago, I mailed her a gift card that I'd won at work which covered the cost of the photos I'd stiffed her on, apologized again for screwing up a great friendship, and said it would be great if we could hit "reset." I guess I miss her enough that I'm willing to just be friends again even though my feelings are still stronger.

 

Not sure if she's gotten the gift card & note yet. If I don't hear back from her within a decent interval, I guess I should assume she doesn't want anything to do with me? Should I never try to contact her ever again, or wait a few more months? I know I screwed up, especially with that awful message, but is my behavior really unforgivable? I really have it bad for her and combined with my health issues, it's pretty much tearing me apart. :love:

[Philosoraptor]

I can't tell you what she is thinking but I'd really recommend backing off as she isn't giving much in the way of positive signs at this point.

 

Just work on your own issues for now and practice patience.