I think I am being used and not sure ?

[blur2007]

I'll try to keep it short what's been going within a few months between me and this girl I can't get my mind off of.

 

This one girl added me on fb a while back and never talked because I never knew who she really was. She started writing me and she thought I went to the same h.s as her but I didn't. But I do know some people that did go to her h.s. (I am 23 btw and she is 22) so we start talking and conversing. I give her my number and we text. Turns out she only lives a few blocks away from me. We go out the next day to a show at a bar and it went really well. There was no awkwardness and we even held hands. She came over my place a few times and she kissed me. I walk her home and kiss her goodnight. She texts me saying she thinks I'm special and she likes me. I tell her the same. Everything is just going so well! We almost got intimate but we both kinda stopped. Then a weekend goes by that she doesn't texts me or wants to hang out or do something. She says she was busy with school and I understand that. We hang out again but it isn't the same. She doesn't get close to me at all. I walk her home and try to hold her hand she moves and says its ok. I tried to kiss her and she pulls away. I was a bit hurt and confused so I ask her about it but she never gives me a straight answer. I keep on and she finally says that she doesn't like anyone right now. I say ok because I just wanted a reason/answer why she suddenly started acting weird. So I try my best to forget about it and just move on. There were times she would want to hang out but it would only be to get something to eat or to drink and I would end up paying. So I caught on to that and stopped. I stop talking to her as much and start hanging out with friends and keeping busy with school and work. As I am pretty much ignoring her, she is the one now always texting me to hang out. We do hang out and we do flirt alot with each other. There are times I sense that she wants me to make a move, and I would try to make an attempt but I would get shut down. Then one day when we are sitting watching a movie she starts to rub her foot on my leg. I just sat there and let her keep doing it. Then she just grabs my hand and starts caressing my arm. As much as I would like to say we did end up having sex we didn't. BUT she did end up naked and I ended up going down on her. And that was it. I admit I did enjoy it but that was it. We never talked about it or anything. It happened a second time too but again, we never brought it up or talked about it. Now we still hang out and it is still fun but idk if she thinks i only want to hang out for sex but i am confused as in what she wants from me. I do like her and I know she did like me when we first started talking. She told me she just wants to be friends and I said ok. But she was the one that made the first move on me? I just need some advice or suggestions on what she's doing to me. Is she using me for company or sex? Or maybe she is trying to like me again or is afraid to show her feelings and get close to someone?

Should I tell her whats going on between us or just wait and see where it goes?

 

I don't want to just remain friends because if its not going anywhere, I don't see a point. I have enough friends and don't feel like I should waste my time.

[oldshirt]

She can't be thinking you are just using her for sex because she is the one doing all the work.

 

You two are basically friendzoning each other. If I had to place a bet I'd say you two did click when you met and you each thought there was some potential but the more you got to know each other the sexual attraction and chemistry started fading fast and so now any time someone tries to do something romantic or sexual in nature it gets awkward and uncomfortable.

 

My humble opinion is that if you really are into this chick and you really do have the hots for her then you are being way too passive and timid. You need to pump up the volume and be more assertive and proactive and take a more active role in the relationship and initiate things more. "initiate" as in come up with some fun activities for a date and then call her up and ask her out on legitimate dates as opposed to this txting each other do this numulus "hang out" thing that you kids these days do.

 

So basically I am saying that you are being somewhat of a pussy and a lazy slouch that is sitting around waiting for her to make all the moves and waiting for her to set the course of the relationship. That is not how Mother Nature designed it. Mother Nature did not intend for passive, lazy males to breed. Do you see bighorn sheep or bull elk or grizzly bears sitting around with friends waiting for females to txt to ask them if they want to "hang out" and then sit their like a bump on a log while the does rub their hooves up against them????

 

NO! They scour the woods looking for a female and then when they encounter one they start trying to seduce them and if another male comes along they bang heads and which ever one tries the hardest and is the strongest and chases the other one off is the one that gets to breed.

 

So I see this one of two ways. One is that you both had some intrigue and caught each others eye but as you got to know each other the chemistry faded quickly and the interest dwindled. This was a near miss and it is completely fair and it will happen dozens if not hundreds of times throughout your life time.

 

The other possibility is that there is some potential here but you are being a lazy, timid pussy and you are sitting on your hands and letting an opportunity pass you by. At this rate it is just a matter of time before she meets a biker in a bar who isn't lazy, isn't timid and isn't going to sit on his hands waiting for her to txt to "hang out" and he isn't going to worry about feeling awkward and he is going to bang her in a bathroom stall of the bar a half hour after meeting her.

 

I'm not saying this to be mean or to put you down. I'm trying to help you by pointing out that the world is competitive and there are halves and halve-nots. Halves make things happen and move things forward how they see fit. Halve-nots wait for other people to make the moves and call the shots.

 

When males wait for females to make the moves and call the shots, they spend their lives waiting because that's not how Mother Nature designed the world to work.

[Radu]

I think she's confused as hell, and manipulative.

 

She had a nice 1st date, and all seemed to go well, then she went into low contact.

You had enough and gave signs of moving on, so she went into flirty mode to keep you there.

So she upped the intimate level when you guys next met.

Now you are confused.

 

Try this.

Go low contact with her again, and see if you have a repeat of last time.

I am willing to be good money that she will have sex with you again [you giving her oral is sex].

 

If the above works, you have your answer.

She will do the bare minimum to have a relationship with you, and not 'lose' you.

Do you see someone like that as LTR material when sex life may go down a bit with work/stress/family ?

 

PS: Did she go down on you as well, or was it just cunnilingus ?

[blur2007]

@oldshirt I can see what you mean by me being timid and a bit of a puss haha and I am really starting to think about how you put it by us friendzoning each other. We went to the movies last week and we would look at each other and laugh during the movie. It was fun but a bit weird because I felt and kinda sensed that she wanted me or she wanted to make a move, but again nothing happened. Right now I am weighing the outcomes of what can happen if I do make a move. She will either end up feeling the same or I can get rejected and simply move on.

 

@Radu you maybe right also. And it was just cunninlings.

 

Thnaks for the replies so far. I will keep you updated!

[blur2007]

*UPDATE*

 

This whole situation seems to be getting weirder by the day. We went to the beach yesterday and swimming for a bit. I then dropped her off because we both needed to shower and such and we said we'll hang out later. She texts me later if I want to go to the bar with her to meet up with her friend(she tells me shes known him since grade school). I invited my brother too so it will be 4 of us and she gets along with him too. It was going ok and everyone was talking and having fun. Suddenly her friend just starts flirting and touching her. But she was kinda allowing it but at the same time trying to get pushing him away. And she was doing the same to me too. And she would say things to her friend about me like "he'll protect me" It was just weird how this was "her friend" but acting that way. But we ended up going to another bar, and she whispers to me "make sure you take me home and I leave with you" she was a bit drunk but she know what she was doing. We stopped and got some mcdonalds on our way back and she was saying it was weird too how her friend was acting. But my thought was why was she letting it happen though?

 

I am really close to just walking away and letting her go completely.

[GLDheart]

This girl likes attention. It seems to me that you are getting attached to someone that "collects guy friends". As the other poster above said, the only guys she is going to give herself over to are the ones that take her.

 

Sadly you are already friend zoned. If you want more you'll have to work doubly hard to first overcome that and second to ramp up your seduction.

 

Now that all of that is said, what do you want from her? If you want her as a conquest GO GET HER. But caution here: If you want her as a loyal girl friend I predict heartbreak.

[NXS]

*UPDATE*

 

This whole situation seems to be getting weirder by the day. We went to the beach yesterday and swimming for a bit. I then dropped her off because we both needed to shower and such and we said we'll hang out later. She texts me later if I want to go to the bar with her to meet up with her friend(she tells me shes known him since grade school). I invited my brother too so it will be 4 of us and she gets along with him too. It was going ok and everyone was talking and having fun. Suddenly her friend just starts flirting and touching her. But she was kinda allowing it but at the same time trying to get pushing him away. And she was doing the same to me too. And she would say things to her friend about me like "he'll protect me" It was just weird how this was "her friend" but acting that way. But we ended up going to another bar, and she whispers to me "make sure you take me home and I leave with you" she was a bit drunk but she know what she was doing. We stopped and got some mcdonalds on our way back and she was saying it was weird too how her friend was acting. But my thought was why was she letting it happen though?

 

I am really close to just walking away and letting her go completely.

 

She was probably doing it to try and provoke a reaction from you but you just passively sat there and allowed it to continue. You should've said something or moved in and blocked him out. When she said she wanted to go with you she was telling you she's not interested in him.

[GLDheart]

You should've said something or moved in and blocked him out...

 

That's one method. I prefer, however, to not play along. I would have just "owned" the situation where she wasn't the only focus.

 

Let's say there was a dart board or a pool table. I would have started up some games and had some fun. If she wants to hide off in the corner with the weird "friend" more power to her. I would enjoy myself first. If she wanted in, then I would have entertained her.

Edited June 22, 2012 by GLDheart

[blur2007]

*Another Update*

 

I hung out with her a few more times and its still been the same. I finally decided I can't take it anymore so I text her asking "we're just friends right?"

Her response was yeah and asked why. I then told her that I wanted to know something and her response was "we are friends and thats it. Don't make it complicated." I then told her that I understand but I feel like she is messing with my head. Her response to that was "I don't like anyone right now. If its too much for you to just be friends, then maybe we should not be. I don't like this kinda stuff." I then asked her why did she do that then and her response was I was just playing around and she is sorry.

 

This seems like the end of this one for me. She is just another one just like the rest. Thanks for the responses though.