USMCHokie Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 ...so don't allow the often romanticized and sophisticated views of dating and relationships on LS to cloud your judgment too much...they often just don't reflect real world mentalities... LS has its share of mature and learned individuals who have a wealth of experience to share advice and provide guidance...however, LS, a forum dedicated to interpersonal relationships, will inherently carry a membership of those dedicated to the "study" of those relationships...and with it, a knowledge, understanding, and self-awareness that you won't find anywhere else. Your average person on the street probably will not think at the same level or be as open or understanding as those on LS. I would just certainly suggest that folks should heed the advice given by a lot of the folks on LS, as they do know their sh*t, but also caution them that their real world experiences may not necessarily coincide with what is offered on LS... Just a thought... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Oncehadluv Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 take and read everything here with a grain of salt, good thread Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I agree with you Hokie, apart from the bit about 'romanticised' views as I think there are more cynical people here than romantics! While 'dating culture' has changed quite dramatically over the past 20 or 30 years, 'people' essentially have not. Dating has always been a 'minefield' for the inexperienced and a little guidance from those who have walked across it many times (and occasionally been 'blown to bits' in the process) is never a bad thing. LS is full of 'relationship experts'. However, the 'experts' are far outweighed by the 'novices' - and for those who are inexperienced in relationships, it is sometimes difficult to know the difference. There is a wealth of information to be found on relationships - both online and 'in your own back yard'. So the best thing to do is take what you find helpful or useful and disgard the rest - whoever the advice is coming from. Everyone has to find their own path in the end. LS is definitely not the real world and nor is the LS population a true reflection of people in the real world. In my opinion, that is a good thing. As you say, the average person on the street has little self-awareness and is likely to be less open and understanding - so thank goodness for LS and for anyone here who is prepared to share their knowledge and experience - all for free! Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 There are many more self-aware people on LS than you would expect in an average group of strangers. I suppose it takes something to start searching the Internet for answers in the first place - which is how most of us found this place. The collective experience here is vast, I have learnt so much about the diversity of points of views, especially from introspective members. This isn't the sort of knowledge you would gain usually, you see the large % of the population in the real world going from relationship to relationship making the same mistakes. I have only benefitted from this so far I think, it's definitely not a hindrance. Understanding others' and your own motivation is half the battle I think. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 When one has the opportunity to reflect on one's thoughts or actions, the thoughts and actions themselves change; what happens intuitively in the real world, is often beyond our conscious reflection. As such, we often we do not even realize we engage in this or that particular behavior. Words are comforting - precisely because they give the impression that we are more rational than we actually are. Or at least, that we can understand the processes that lead to certain outcomes in a rational matter. While I certainly would not argue against the latter, it is certainly not "normal" practice for people to do so. You cannot generalize from a few posters on the internet, and realistically believe that these people are representative for all people in the real world. People's experiences may be common amongst the general population, but that does not necessarily mean that the way that these people learn from their experiences is necessarily the same. The folks here, while certainly learned, are not omniscient. Different people have different ways of relating to the world. What works for one person, does not necessarily work for the next person. Part of the reason may be cultural differences - and though the majority of posters are US-based, that does not mean that they all share "American" culture to the same extent. There is a vast world of difference between a Southerner and a New York City urbanite. We have a tendency to think that what works for us, necessarily must also work for others. That is not always the case. For those who have psychological problems this board certainly is not a substitute for working on themselves / psychotherapy, and confronting their issues - issues which often contribute to their woes while dating, or attempting to date. No amount of compassion can "cure" people - at most it can help people to feel confident enough about themselves to attempt to turn their lives around. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I also think that lots of posters will hold back from stating their non-PC views and opinions. They will either stay away from such threads or will offer "the right" answer, rather than the the truth as is in the cold, hard world. I am thinking about threads on looks, external validation etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I agree that LS is not the real world, Hokie, but I'd hardly call it 'romanticized.' This seems a very cynical place to me! The real world I live in has dating MUCH easier than people make it out on LS. To a degree reflecting too carefully on dating makes it over-complicated, rather than sophisticated. That's not to say LS is 'bad' but I certainly wouldn't consider dating IRL any more difficult than it's made out to be on these boards and it's certainly a lot less cynical than it is on these boards --- at least in my life it was! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I also think that lots of posters will hold back from stating their non-PC views and opinions. They will either stay away from such threads or will offer "the right" answer, rather than the the truth as is in the cold, hard world. I am thinking about threads on looks, external validation etc. Some might do that. I can only speak about myself, but I am pretty much the same in real life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I have become far more bitter ever since I joined LS. Here Im exposed to the candid revelations of what women truly think and feel. LS shows me that 90% of women are selfish and entitled. And this fact sticks to my mind which I carry into the real world. As a result I become extremely cynical toward women. Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 You're damn straight LS isn't the real world!!! I won't name the other dating forums I've been on, but they all have the same things in common with LS. So many of the posters sound so clueless, it makes you hope that they're joking... almost all the people who post on dating boards do and say things that are totally counterintuitive... and to top it off, they have the nerve to get angry when someone says so. No wonder OLD dating doesn't work. People try it without using their heads, and they're WAY too hung up on rules. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) Some might do that. I can only speak about myself' date=' but I am pretty much the same in real life.[/quote'] I really don't see a point of singling yourself out. This wasn't directed at you. Edited June 24, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) I really don't see a point of singling yourself out. This wasn't directed at you. It was directed at everyone ("lots of posters"). I understand many people on here are cynical, but it always baffles me that they actually think cynicism has more reliability and truth to it than other viewpoints. d'Arthez was just expressing that his viewpoints were genuine. You basically threw out the idea that anyone saying non-cynical things was not genuine. I understand, from a cynical perspective, that's how it seems, but it's generally not true. I haven't, in life, found that most non-cynics were liars. Edited June 24, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I don't expect that any specialized forum is truly reflective of the real world at large. And likely, I don't expect anyone to think like me or reflect my views, so I'm well aware of the differences . Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Some might do that. I can only speak about myself' date=' but I am pretty much the same in real life.[/quote'] Same. Most of my non-PC views are rooted in other stuff anyway . Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Obviously, LS (and every other internet forum) is a self-selected sample of people and isn't a cross-section of the public. But rather than look down on the people here who have knowledge and experience with relationships, I think people should be more concerned about having their minds influenced by all the angry/hurt/sad/screwed up people who post here. The biggest danger for every poster is that his/her negative viewpoints might be reinforced. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Yep, LS is an internet discussion forum, not too different for some us than some guys sitting around drinking beer and shooting the breeze. For others, it's more serious discussion. For others, a place to debate. For others, to troll. For others, to flirt. Something for everyone. My personal preference is seeking advice from close personal friends (I have no family anymore) who know me and whom I trust to give a straightforward opinion. If one picks friends well, such opinions can still be loving, yet honest, and predicated upon years/decades of relations where we've saved each other's bacon and know each other's 'stuff'. Since each person is unique in their style of both sharing and seeking experience and/or advice, when someone chooses to solicit advice or experience here, I've tried to offer up the most sincere and balanced explanations gained from my 53 on this rock. One story, one perspective, out of billions. Some take it; some leave it. Both paths are valid. The satisfaction for myself is in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
irin Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 i cant speak for anyone else, the one thing that i realised is that im very honest in here, i dont sugar coat my thoughts and opinions, i just say as they come to my head. they might make sound immature, or stupid at times. but there really isnt any fear of judgement, arguments, and confrontation on here. so i let it all out! Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I am honest as well, hence how unpopular I am here - because my views are a bit less PC and a bit less "Rainbows and Bunnies" Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 ...I could describe the majority LS views in many ways, but 'romanticised' and 'sophisticated' would not be the top of my list. Honest to god, I think LS paints a far WORSE picture of relationships and gender relations and people in general, than actually exists IRL. Sure there are some posters who are probably more 'romantic' and 'sophisticated' than the norm, but those posters aren't the norm in LS either. I don't know if it's just the places I've lived in that makes the difference, but if relationships and relationship-related attitudes in the USA (where the majority of people in LS are from) really are WORSE than portrayed here... God help you folks. For realz. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 When it comes to dating, sophistication isn't the term I'd use to describe the majority of LS dating advice! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I think that LS actually is part of the real world.. It's up to you to pick out the parts of LS that fits into your situation. I think that most advice gets ignored.. IRL and on LS and the advice that doesn't is the advice that rings a bell.. makes sense to us or is just what the Dr. ordered. When I need an answer on LS I usually hit the search and query for it, ignoring all or most of it till I find just the right advice I needed at that moment and then I try and use it.. I do think LS has more trash in it than I see IRL though.. more trolls and more drama and more people who are hating, just acting out trying to hurt people.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 When it comes to dating, sophistication isn't the term I'd use to describe the majority of LS dating advice! I was referring to those individuals who are sophisticated... Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I was referring to those individuals who are sophisticated... And there are people like that IRL as well. Sophistication attracts sophistication, btw. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I was referring to those individuals who are sophisticated... Haha... high-five Hokie Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I also think that lots of posters will hold back from stating their non-PC views and opinions. They will either stay away from such threads or will offer "the right" answer, rather than the the truth as is in the cold, hard world. I am thinking about threads on looks, external validation etc. I'm the opposite. I'm pretty sure I come across like a misogynistic douchebag here some of the times. In real life, I have more good female friends than good male friends and you'd be hard pressed to find a nice woman who knows me who didn't think I was a good guy. It's true. It's easy to vent online, and MANY men harbor at least a little bitterness in them. Women are generally unaware of this. But, me and my guy pals talk about this stuff, some of whom have done really well with women. I'm not sure why people hold back online ... to protect the reputation of your silly internet handle? Lol. Link to post Share on other sites
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