What REALLY goes on at a Bachelor Party?

[kscholze]

I dont think that guys are getting laid in strip clubs, unless they have $500 or an 8 ball of coke. But there are some clubs that are basically whore houses (at least in st louis) $60 whore houses.

 

But my friend picked up some girls at a bar and hooked up, so they dont HAVE to be strippers

[alisonr]

I find this fascinating. Trying to look at this without judging anyone, I'm having a bit of trouble. A couple of ladies who posted here seem to be "dancers" themselves. I wish I could have a better attitude towards these women and what they do, but let's face it, YOU ARE BEGGING FOR MONEY WITH YOUR BODIES. It is your choice. If you want to tell yourself it's liberating, fine. I don't buy that, I just don't . Is it somehow better than being a straight up hooker/whore/prostitute? I really don't think so. Whatever you have to tell yourself to get by. Possibly, in order to be able to take a lighter, less judgemental look at strippers, I would have to immerse myself in this "culture". There is a movement among women, one that is just as degrading to them as it is to the female strippers they are watching. I think that women are trying to find a way to cope with the constant bombardment from media and knowing that men love to look at naked women that aren't their girlfriends/wives. So they have accepted the "if you can't beat em (or whatever) join em" mentality that is so very f***** dumb. Of course this rant is pure opinion,when it comes to this stuff, I don't think there is any fact. Maybe some women genuinely enjoy female strippers. I myself admire the female body. I'm not going to get into my experiences or fantasies (believe me, I appreciate sexy women), but I can say that I'm not this cold fish of a woman. I'm almost 25 and feel like there is something I don't GET about men and strippers. I really want to get to the root of this;I don't want to wake up a bitter forty year old who still doesn't get it.

I think I have a huge problem with the very basic comprehension that men are visual (not saying women aren't);they,generally, do not need to know anything about a hot woman in order to be inclined to think/fantasize/masturbate/****. Me personally, I honestly don't think I could ever have a one night stand, I don't think I would get off or store it in the female equivalent of "the spank bank" (love that term,lol) if I were to go to a male strip club. Hairless,oversculpted,fluid drenched studs, most of whom are probably gay, is not appealing to me. I almost wish I had it in me. Fear of disease,emotional aspects aside (regarding one night stands, not to say that people who engage in these are entirely reckless, I'm sure there are men and women who are very careful and still able to have fun with it), I do not think I could enjoy sex with a stranger, because personality is so much of what is a turn on. This is why, though I sort of DO look down on strippers, I sort of envy a person who can use the body purely for pleasure without letting the experience rent in their headspace. So maybe you "dancers" are the enlightened ones..........or not.

I know it's just a job, but how can you not take this stuff home with you, how can it NOT permeate every other aspect of your lives? Is it just a cliche that most strippers/hookers are into drugs? I imagine that drugs may be vital to allowing the woman to continue to function at her "job", I think for some women they may need to numb themselves in order to continue to be able to perform at this "job". Maybe some women genuinely enjoy it. There are SO many different stories, I want to go to a strip club and talk to some of the "dancers". I wonder how many of them would be receptive to a non-paying (oh ****, I'll pay if I have to) female who is probably better looking than them, wanting to ask them about their "job"..........

There are some common responses I get from men and women when we get to talking about strip clubs. First, men usually say that women at a male strip club are ten times worse (behavior wise) than the average man at a strip club/bachelor party. I think this is ****. Ladies,please-I think if the women are going completely ****ing insane, it has more to do with being in a group and acting wild-more "for show" than actually being aroused. Is anyone with me on this? Again, pure opinion, but I think more often than not a woman in a male strip club is not turned on so much as she is "acting",having fun. Of course, I'm sure there are some who can/do get turned on by this, but I think the basic biological function is a tell all-men just get ****ing boners, we supposedly "get wet" Again, it would take a hell of a male stripper to make me wet........

Then I get "it's not a big deal". Men going to strip clubs and bachelor parties. I don't care how tame or wild the affair is. Has it become so commonplace in our culture, so accepted, the norm, that because strip clubs are everywhere, they are ok? Not a big deal. Who the **** are we kidding HAVING A NAKED STRANGER DANCE FOR YOU IS A BIG DEAL. It is an intimate act downplayed by neon lights,cheesy songs and fake boobs. How can anyone not think, right or wrong (there IS no right or wrong) that is is not a big deal to have a naked stranger gyrating on your lap? And even worse-PAYING for it?!

I think my point may be lost in this extraordinarily long-winded post. Are we so far gone as a society that we see these acts as no big deal, entertainment? I think so. I would like to tell you lovely men and women who find this **** sexy-YOU ARE SELLING YOURSELVES SHORT. I think there are plenty of men out there (who aren't gay) who don't just automatically respond to a nude woman, in the form of an erection.

We all have our hang-ups, and in a perfect world we could just identify them and throw them out the window and be done with them. I guess this is one of my problems, not being able to accept the "innocence" of a man gettigna lap dance from a total stranger. I want to stay open minded and explore this further, because as I said before, maybe you people engaging in this stuff are really just more sexually open and sophistcated than myself. We all have one thing in common-we all get old, the body withers and dies. So those nice big fake boobs are gonna look pretty silly when you are older (I know that there are plenty of women who "dance" that have real breasts, sorry to generalize). So am I missing out? In order to be truly sexually liberated, to live it up and enjoy your body while it is still looking hot as hell, to have fun with sex, MUST you and I as women, accept strippers as legit, as harmless, as fun?

I wish I could be less harsh, but it's not a very honorable profession. I don't care about all that "it's the oldest profession" (that would be more geared toward prostitution, but whatever). Sure, there will always be a demand for strippers, porn, naked, nameless, faceless women valued for nothing other than their bodies. If you dancing women don't have a problem with it, than good for you. Just tell me how it is liberating, please do, I WANT to understand.

I love hearing about the duality of strippers the very rare "she has a PhD and chooses to strip". Wish this were more common. Sisters, you should have a back up plan.

[dnm1010]

WOW! nicely put.

[zara]

Wow - Alison! That's some post there! But you seem to have gotten everything off your (no doubt non surgically enhanced) chest So let's see if i can help...

Allow me to introduce myself - Zara, BA Hons, MA (aiming for the phd in the next few years), no drug problem, criminal record, low self-esteem, wool over my eyes...

 

Your concerns seem to be as follows:

The trend for women to go alongto strip clubs

Wish i could help with this one but i can't say i get it either. Some women are curious about their sexuality and want the excitement of a sexy naked woman dancing for them, they use it as a precursor to bi or gay sexaul activity. Some just want to please their men and think that if they object they will put their relationship at risk and so they aquiesce. Some want to prove a point about being modern women becasue they've read that it's hip to go to a strip club. Personally, i could fall into none of these categories - the only reason for me to be in a strip club is for work. Period.

 

Male strippers

I agree with your statement that women act up around male strippers without there being the same sexual frisson present in female dancing. This is absolutely true and the two forms are as different as cricket and baseball (sorry, i'm a brit btw!).

 

Stripping must mess with a dancer's head

Some people it does, some it doesn't. There is a will to impose a damaged discourse onto strippers from those who would not do it themselves - it is easier to beleive that because this would be such a traumatic thing for thme to do then it really must be for the stripper too. It's true that some people just aren't cut out for it, but then some people just aren't cut out to be a police officer, doctor, nurse, pest control officer either and just like those people, some of them will turn to drugs/ alcohol etc - but probably no more than any other profession - i know plenty of teachers whose drug use would stun my stripper colleagues into silence! If you want to do some research into this i suggest you pay the dancers you interview for their time since that is how we earn our money - customers often pay us for 'sit downs' where they talk to us for an hour or so for a fixed fee - if you want to go into a club and take up a dancers time when she could be doing this then you need to pay her.

 

 

Men getting turned on

Yep - that is largely the job in a nutshell. But they do get other things out of it too. They get to 'buy in' to the glamourized notion of being surrounded by beautiful scantily clad women just like they see on mtv, they get to feel as though these women are genuinely interested in them, they also get someone who will smile and laugh at them, who doesn't care about the bills and washing up, who'll listen to whatever they have to say and react in just the way they want. - suspension of disbeleif is key to the experience of a strip club, in much the same way as going to the theatre. They also get someone's complete and undivided attention for as long as the dance lasts - a rare commodity these days.

 

We all get older

Yep. And as we do a new generation of pretty young things takes over. Just in the same way that Charlize thron and Kiera Knightly are rising to the top of the Hollywood game - people will always desire to be entertained by youth and beauty. Intelligent dancers (and there are a lot of us) retire and carry on with normal lives - we have families, careers and (i know i will) give a wry smile and nod in agreement when we see the new generation or someone mentions stripping as scandalous at the local Mother's Meeting. It's something we did whilst we were young and we were capable of doing it. Most dancers have not just back-up plans but normal, ordinary lives. We have husbands, kids, dogs and jobs and pensions - the same stuff everybody else does.

 

Now, i'm not here to say you should love it, understand it, indulge in it - in fact, more power to you if you've made your mind up and have clear boundaries. But don't allow it to bother you or affect your life in any way.

 

I hope this helps you somehow.