3 Months after my Break up and still Struggling!

[mpz]

This isn't the first thread I have started, my previous one explains my break up and what led to it.

 

I am still really finding it hard to move on after we split up 3 months ago, we were together for 6 years and It couldn't have ended in a worse way: Breaking up with me, blocking me out her life, then I find out she went away on holiday with her new bf 4 weeks after our break-up...After I find out she tries to contact me non stop asking me to go and meet her so she can explain..but I just ignored every call and text. I even blocked her number...the calls and texts have stopped now however but I miss her more than ever. I just couldn't face speaking to her and wouldn't have been able to keep it together. Oh and her new bf is a Fitness instructor/physio of which I am sure is around 10 years her elder.

 

I have been going out a lot more with my mates and trying to do more things. I even have a new job but I just can't get her out of my head. Just a couple of days ago I saw a mutual friend on Fb wish her good luck in a marathon that her and her new boyfriend were running in. Absolutely crushed me knowing that they would be going to this event together..and that she was still seeing him (I can see them being together for the for seeable future-she loves her bootcamps/fitness, and I found out the guy lives in the same area as her, so she will be getting all the attention she craves)

 

I know that I could never forgive her for what she did to me (explained more in my previous thread) But I just want to get her out of my head. I have had lots of advice from family and friends, telling me to move on and that she just isn't worth it but I felt that writing it all down would help me a little more..I miss being in touch with her, seeing her, like everyone who goes through a break up, I just never thought I would be finding it this hard.

 

I keep asking myself will she ever contact me again? Should I send her a text on her Birthday next month? Or should I just keep going with No contact for a few more months? I'm still deeply in love with her and it was only months ago she was telling me in a valentines card how much she loved me and didn't want to let go of me!

 

This is quite possibly the toughest 3 months of my life and it's not getting any easier..

[Chi townD]

Dude, she was in your life for the last 6 years. Three months is nothing. No time has pasted yet. You need to continue to fight the good fight and stay NC. I was in the same boat and probably the majority of us know EXACTLY how you feel and what you are going through. But, I promise you this, continue NC and one day you're going to wake up and she won't be the first thing on your mind. THAT'S when you know you are healing.

 

Don't text her on her birthday. Why? What for? Do you still send christmas cards to Ex employers? Probably not, because you don't work there anymore and you don't assoicate yourself with them anymore. Same concept.

 

Dude, you're doing good. Hanging out with friends more, got a new job. Now is the time to do more. Go back to school, grab a friend and plan an amazing trip somewhere. Keep busy! It helps!

[Jose11]

Im there with you. I was with her for 8 years. Im going on 2 months BU next week. Its been a ride. I have had my good days and bad. Today is a bad day. But i have noticed that the good are starting to outweigh the bad. I still think about her everyday, but less each. so its a slow process but its going.

 

As for contacting her on her birthday, DON'T!!!!!! It will only cause more heartache. You'll be starting NC from day one again. you may feel better temporarliy, but in the long run your feel worse.

 

stay with NC.

[mpz]

Thanks guys, have been on a ride too..I will have good days then all of a sudden she creeps into my head and I can't get her out of it. Also it doesn't help that I just saw a picture of them together looking all loved up. Head f**k...I don't want it to mess with my head but it's awful. She just dropped me and moved on to her next guy..after 6 years of being together..I don't know what it's going to take for me to move on from this!!

[Twins]

I'm new to the board. Can't believe I'm even here. 6 years is a long time to be with someone. Three months after BU is brutal still for me as well. We were together 7 years. Some not so together, but still a couple. This is the first time I've ever been hurt. I have mixed emotions about the NC rule after such a long term relationship. If it wasn't ugly and the other person has not completely shut you out, any contact should be on YOUR terms. You call the shots now really. You are the one in control. You need to hang on to your dignity. Can you text HB without expecting a response? Just knowing you won't get one...will you care and be hurt? If the answer is yes, than don't do it. You can have NO expectations. Not sure 4 months is long enough. If you are hoping to get back together, then you are not ready. The existing relationship has to be completely over as it was dead/broken. Not enough time to heal in my opinion. Some people it takes a good year.

 

BTW: Why can't you forgive her....foregiveness is key in setting YOURSELF FREE. Foregiveness in life is so important!!! Just saying.

Edited June 20, 2012 by Twins
Added questions

[no_more_tries]

I have no advice but I surely understand.

[mpz]

Ok I don't know what I should do..people around me telling me that I need closure.

 

I'm apprehensive about contacting her for some reason..I do and I don't want to contact her. She still has a lot of my stuff, that's if she hasn't thrown it all out.

 

I don't know what I want at the moment. Should I send her a text saying that I want to come over and pick my stuff up?

 

After seeing pictures of her with her new guy...Should I just let her be and move on?

 

If I text her, would she even reply?

 

When did she fall out of love with me? What led her to leave me and jump straight into bed with the next guy?

 

Im not anyone to answer these questions for me, I'm just writing whats in my head right now, anger, pain, confusion etc etc

[Twins]

When your ex has someone else, there really is only two ways to handle it:

 

A. Step back and let the relationship run its course. It could be rebound or not. But contacting and intervening, looks desperate and only pushes them closer to the other person. Patience (but this is brutal on the emotions)

 

B. No contact and get on with your life. Go out, have fun, meet other people. Get on dating sites. You don't have to get into full blown relationship. Be honest with people. Who knows, you might meet someone.

 

If the ex contacts you, then you decide.

 

I like Option B

[blotter]

Another tip is to stay the **** off facebook. Looking at pictures of your ex with her new bf, and reading news about what they are up to is BREAKING NC.

[BB7]

Ok I don't know what I should do..people around me telling me that I need closure.

 

I'm apprehensive about contacting her for some reason..I do and I don't want to contact her. She still has a lot of my stuff, that's if she hasn't thrown it all out.

 

I don't know what I want at the moment. Should I send her a text saying that I want to come over and pick my stuff up?

 

After seeing pictures of her with her new guy...Should I just let her be and move on?

 

If I text her, would she even reply?

 

When did she fall out of love with me? What led her to leave me and jump straight into bed with the next guy?

 

Im not anyone to answer these questions for me, I'm just writing whats in my head right now, anger, pain, confusion etc etc

 

I haven't read your whole story but it sounds like she may have cheated or something?

 

The problem I have is that she seems to have already moved on, whether or not it is a rebound relationship is another question but she's jumped straight into this pretty quickly by the sounds of it.

 

I'm deciding whether to have a 'closure' conversation too but I think my situation is a little different. I would be too hurt to even speak to her if I were you and would 100% stay in NC.

 

Are the items that she has important to you? If they are then you obviously want them back so you could organize a time to pick them up when she isn't there.

 

Start working on yourself, you're what matters right now.

[Chi townD]

Ok I don't know what I should do..people around me telling me that I need closure.

 

I'm apprehensive about contacting her for some reason..I do and I don't want to contact her. She still has a lot of my stuff, that's if she hasn't thrown it all out.

 

I don't know what I want at the moment. Should I send her a text saying that I want to come over and pick my stuff up?

 

After seeing pictures of her with her new guy...Should I just let her be and move on?

 

If I text her, would she even reply?

 

When did she fall out of love with me? What led her to leave me and jump straight into bed with the next guy?

 

Im not anyone to answer these questions for me, I'm just writing whats in my head right now, anger, pain, confusion etc etc

 

 

You want closure, then here it is. She cheated on you and dumped you. There you go! Closure!

 

If you texted her would she reply? Of course she would! She desperately wants to reassure you that her being with this other guy had absolutely NOTHING to do with your break up! It was this, that and the other. You know, things YOU did wrong! Of course, it's all BS! You know it and I know it.

 

Here's the thing. She knows she cheated and she knows she did you wrong. She's going to have to live with that guilt and learn from it. If you go looking for closure (when her actions gave you all the closure you should need) then you're giving her closure as well and easing her guilt. Making it seem that it's okay to treat people this way. Well, it's not okay! And she needs to learn that her actions hurt people. You giving her closure is rewarding bad behavior.

[mpz]

You guys are right...I have all the closure I need. It's just the way this relationship ended has hurt me so much..she was one selfish bitch.

 

I do need to stop looking around on FB searching for pictures of her and her new guy. This just hurts me even more.

 

I will let her get on with her life and not contact her, however I would like to see what you guys think of her new relationship and the how long you think it will last: (You will probably tell me that I shouldn't even care)

 

I'm not sure whether she thought being with him was like the grass is greener theory? I have never met him but he has his own physio business around the corner from where she lives. So she will have him there whenever she needs him.

 

He is her fitness/bootcamp instructor (approx 10 years older)- she never trained for marathons or anything a couple of months ago then all of a sudden I see a picture of them all happy together after they finished a race..with flirty comments to each other underneath it.

 

She went on holiday with him 3-4 weeks after she split from me...again I found out through facebook and pics of them together..

 

She is obviously head over heels for this guy..so i figure that this new relationship will go the distance and not just a simple rebound.

 

I know I shouldn't be worrying about this sh*t but if there relationship is for real then good luck to her...she found what she wanted which I knew was the case..someone close by, someone older, someone with a career which she is interested in..