sexually attracted to...

[melsevil]

I'm dying to speak to someone about these feeling that I have about a man in my life that I should consider untouchable because of the circumstances. I know its wrong but I feel like I can't no longer control these feelings. Here's my dilemma...

 

I've been happily married to my husband for 10 years, high school sweetheart. He's the one I lost my virginity to & vice verse. We have 2 kids ages 9 & 2. We both work for his brother its a family owned business. I've worked for the business for 10 years now. Like I mentioned our boss is his brother & he's a great person & great boss.

For the past couple of years I've been very sexually attracted to my brother-in law. I haven't told anyone. I haven't approached my boss, I'm not sure how he feels about me. I know he's off limits because hes married & with grown kids except his 10 year old daughter.

 

I don't know what to do because when he walks in the room I go crazy about him. He's super nice with me but it's not in an inappropriate way. But somehow I just feel this chemistry between us & I just want him. I know I don't love him because I love my husband & our sex life is great but Im just very sexually attracted to my boss. I would love to just have sex with him that's all no strings attached & no one would have to know. I've never cheated on my DH & I know this is selfish but I just feel like I have to do this & I don't know why. I don't want anyone to know or get hurt. I don't even know if my boss has the same feeling though in a way I wish that he would come-on to me to make it easier. How can I find out if he does have sexual feelings towards me?

 

Is something wrong with me in the head? why do I have these feelings? Please don't bash me I just wan't to know if anyone else has gone through this? Do I need a shrink or what? What should I do?

Sorry it's such a long post. Please advise.

[reboot]

Find a new job.

[TaraMaiden]

I seriously believe you need to consult a professional because it would be important to try to fathom precisely what these feelings are founded on.

If they're unrequited and not reciprocated, unless you really confront the situation head on, and really be brutally honest with yourself, under the guidance of a qualified professional - this will eat you up and ultimately destroy what is there.

You know damn well you're playing with fire.

And liars have to have a good memory.

 

Don't risk the damage - you would never forgive yourself.

[woinlove]

I agree about consulting a professional, getting counselling. The question is, given this is your H's brother, why have you allowed this infatuation to develop to where it is inside your head and why do you think it is important to know if he feels the same way? In addition to figuring out what need you have for excitement, confirmation, attention, etc., you might look into whether you have ambivalent feelings about family and their importance in yours, your H's and your children's lives.

[nofool4u]

Is something wrong with me in the head?

 

Yes, you need to grow up and quit acting like a giddy schoolgirl with a crush. You said you are happily married. Well obviously not if you are getting all tingly over your BIL. Grow up and realize what you have at home and what you WILL lose if you continue down the path you are.

 

 

why do I have these feelings?

 

Honestly, immaturity. I don't mean that as a bash either. Thats the honest truth. Because if you are happily married to a wonderful man as you say, then immaturity or fickleness is the only thing it can be.

 

 

Do I need a shrink or what?

 

I'd say you need counseling before you screw your life and your husbands life up, and the life of his sister.

[nofool4u]

Find a new job.

 

And yes, this too, even though it isn't going to get to the root of the problem.

[BetrayedH]

Yes, you need counseling. You're not insane obviously. You have just only been with your H and now you are wishing you had sown your wild oats. A counselor can help you find a healthy way to discuss this.

 

My second piec of advice is...STOP! You're going to destroy two families here. Are you freakin' nuts? And it's your husband's brother. Just plain STOP. People WILL get hurt.

[whichwayisup]

How can I find out if he does have sexual feelings towards me?

You don't. That is ego speaking. You don't love him, you just are sexually attracted to him. So what? Attractions happen. What you need to do is focus that energy into your husband and marriage. You have A LOT to lose, all for what? Possible hot sex or sexy flirting with your B.I.L? Don't go there. It's totally inappropriate and yes, you will hurt your family as well as his.

 

If you can't handle working around him and it's getting in the way, find another job.

[whichwayisup]

I've never cheated on my DH & I know this is selfish but I just feel like I have to do this & I don't know why. I don't want anyone to know or get hurt.

 

All affairs start out this way. The thing is, that type of thinking is TOTALLY fog and fantasy talking. It's a dream..

 

You don't have to do this. If you do, yes you are extremely selfish and not putting your young children and husband first. You're not thinking clearly and I agree with the others, counseling could help you get back on the path you're meant to be on.

 

Take time to read more threads in this section. Take time to read in the infidelity section too. Read about the possible damage you are about to inflict on innocent people. I don't believe that you're THAT selfish to go ahead and screw B.I.L, mess up so many lives. Reality check!!

 

Don't do it.

[MissBee]

It's normnal to be sexually attracted to people besides your spouse. You're married...not dead.

 

However, please consider REALITY. He is your boss and your brother in law. How insane would that be for you to go there with him??? Your husband's brother! It will mess with your job and family, their family, all your in laws may despise you, if your kids or his find out you slept with their uncle/dad,....I mean I doubt your husband would forgive you for that and it would be a mess. It's one thing to cheat with some man your husband doesn't know..but your boss who is his brother is beyond messy.

 

Reconnect with your husband and focus your sexual attention elsewhere/on your husband. Consider your brother in law as family and your own blood brother if you have to...maybe that will help you to avoid inflating this fantasy and crossing the line. It would be especially awkward if you're the only one who feels this way, makes a pass at him and he shuts you down, is alarmed and tells his brother or his wife about it. More drama will come out of pursuing this than if you leave it alone and let it die down.

[norajane]

I've been happily married to my husband for 10 years, high school sweetheart. He's the one I lost my virginity to & vice verse.

Maybe you see your husband in his brother, and are attracted to that. Siblings share similarities, and their differences might make his brother look intriguing to you. And, after 10 years of marriage, you might be a little complacent and wanting more excitement. The brother is just enough the same as your husband and just enough different for you to be curious.

 

You'd better shut that curiosity and imagination and fantasy down really quick. There is no way sex with you and your husband's brother would ever end in anything but huge disaster for everyone, you and all the children included.

 

I assume his brother must be a good and smart man or your head wouldn't be turned his way. A good and smart man would shoot you down, and tell his brother that his wife just made a pass at him. If you "go crazy" when he walks into the room, he's probably already starting to feel uncomfortable around you.

 

Shut it down.

[Alice2012]

I would love to just have sex with him that's all no strings attached & no one would have to know.

 

Why do you need to have sex with him?

[Emme]

Oh honey you have a crush. A big crush... since you are an adult. What you do is you seek new employment. What you do is try to rekindle the love you once had for your husband. Think about how going in that direction will destroy not only both families but a family business. Family businesses are nonexistent nowadays... don't go there... Just say no!

[Furious]

It's not too late to stop what would be a train wreck.

Please read the infidelity forum and take a good look at what will happen to you and your family if you crossed the line.

 

You can never un-do what's been done, but you can prevent what you might do.

 

Really...is it worth it...an hour of sex with your brother-in-law in exchange for ruining a family.

 

Also most cheaters think they will never get caught, and maybe yes for some, but for many they get caught one way or another.

Edited June 20, 2012 by Furious
Correction

[Professor X]

I'm dying to speak to someone about these feeling that I have about a man in my life that I should consider untouchable because of the circumstances. I know its wrong but I feel like I can't no longer control these feelings. Here's my dilemma...

 

I've been happily married to my husband for 10 years, high school sweetheart. He's the one I lost my virginity to & vice verse. We have 2 kids ages 9 & 2. We both work for his brother its a family owned business. I've worked for the business for 10 years now. Like I mentioned our boss is his brother & he's a great person & great boss.

For the past couple of years I've been very sexually attracted to my brother-in law. I haven't told anyone. I haven't approached my boss, I'm not sure how he feels about me. I know he's off limits because hes married & with grown kids except his 10 year old daughter.

 

I don't know what to do because when he walks in the room I go crazy about him. He's super nice with me but it's not in an inappropriate way. But somehow I just feel this chemistry between us & I just want him. I know I don't love him because I love my husband & our sex life is great but Im just very sexually attracted to my boss. I would love to just have sex with him that's all no strings attached & no one would have to know. I've never cheated on my DH & I know this is selfish but I just feel like I have to do this & I don't know why. I don't want anyone to know or get hurt. I don't even know if my boss has the same feeling though in a way I wish that he would come-on to me to make it easier. How can I find out if he does have sexual feelings towards me?

 

Is something wrong with me in the head? why do I have these feelings? Please don't bash me I just wan't to know if anyone else has gone through this? Do I need a shrink or what? What should I do?

Sorry it's such a long post. Please advise.

 

You'll lose E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G if you continue the path you're walking, you do realize that, right?

You'll lose your H, your kids, your job, your home, friends. Is it all worth it just for that 5 minutes of lust?? Stop thinking with your vagina and realize what you got at home.

 

Try and think about your H broken and your kids crying after they find out you cheated and destroyed your own family (and this secret will come out), think about your BIL family also getting destroyed.

 

If that doesn't help go find a new job.