Lisa Posted October 14, 2000 Share Posted October 14, 2000 I dont' want to direct this message directly to Tony, but I feel he knows the situation best. I posted a message regarding a man I met who lives in a different state. We are trying to do the "long distance" thing, and trying to make it work. However, there is one twist, bear with me. Before I met this guy, I was planning on moving to his city, to live with my brother and his wife for a change of scenery, new job, new life etc. I didn't even know the man I am currently dating before I had begun thinking of moving. I still want to move, however I don't want the man I am dating to see my move as "chasing him" and trying to be closer to him, although it will be great if things work out between us. Now I am not sure if I should go or not, even though I had planned on it before us ever meeting.I don't want to ruin it by moving to his city, but then again, I am moving for myself, and not him. Am I making sense? If I decide to go, how do I let him that he is the reason I am not moving or do I not even tell him? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted October 14, 2000 Share Posted October 14, 2000 I dont' want to direct this message directly to Tony, but I feel he knows the situation best. I posted a message regarding a man I met who lives in a different state. We are trying to do the "long distance" thing, and trying to make it work. However, there is one twist, bear with me. Before I met this guy, I was planning on moving to his city, to live with my brother and his wife for a change of scenery, new job, new life etc. I didn't even know the man I am currently dating before I had begun thinking of moving. I still want to move, however I don't want the man I am dating to see my move as "chasing him" and trying to be closer to him, although it will be great if things work out between us. Now I am not sure if I should go or not, even though I had planned on it before us ever meeting.I don't want to ruin it by moving to his city, but then again, I am moving for myself, and not him. Am I making sense? If I decide to go, how do I let him that he is not the reason I am moving or do I not even tell him? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 14, 2000 Share Posted October 14, 2000 You should have told him when you met him that you were thinking about moving to his town...oh, well! Now, things probably will never work out with this guy if you stay where you are. Long distance relationships are just way too difficult and unfulfilling in the longrun. So who cares? You've got nothing to lose, babe. If you stay where you are, you know it's most likely not going to work because you are way too far away. If you move to the town where he is, at least there is a better than fifty percent chance of having a nice relationship with him, regardless of how he interprets your reason for moving. I would just matter of factly tell him you are moving to live with your brother and his wife, something you've been planning for a long time. Let him know you are looking forward to career opportunities there. Don't even mention seeing him, dating him, or having anything to do with him when you get there. Just don't even visit the subject unless he brings it up, then be very tentative. Let him know it would be nice to see him when you get there but you've got lots of other things on your mind right now. Just before you move, call him and give him your brother's phone number and tell him you can be reached there in a week or so. Then leave it up to him to call you. When you get there, have your brother introduce you to some nice guy friends of his and start making a new circle of friends...paying this guy no mind. If he calls, great. Even then, don't play right into his hand. Give him a run for his money. See him for lunch but tell him you are still settling in and not making a lot of social plans until you are ready. Play it by ear and gradually begin to see him, along with others you may meet, and do things with your friends. Just be really cool about this. Don't call off your plans to move because of this dude. He's not worth it. If you stay where you are, chances are he won't be in your life for very long anyway. If you do move, maybe so or maybe not...but you need to control that. There are many nice guys around. I unconditionally guarantee you can pull all this off and look a lot more desireable to this guy if you follow my instructions. If you go straight for him when you arrive at your new home, he will gag and you will deal a death blow to any future possiblities with him. Who knows, maybe you'll like one of your brother's friends better anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 14, 2000 Share Posted October 14, 2000 I sort of feel the same way about this post as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted October 14, 2000 Share Posted October 14, 2000 Tony- You are truly a brilliant Man! Your instructions are quite on target, and I do believe that is exactly how I should play my cards when I arrive. I do want things to work out with him, and playing it cool its a must. Thanks for the feedback, I think you are one smart dude. You should have told him when you met him that you were thinking about moving to his town...oh, well! Now, things probably will never work out with this guy if you stay where you are. Long distance relationships are just way too difficult and unfulfilling in the longrun. So who cares? You've got nothing to lose, babe. If you stay where you are, you know it's most likely not going to work because you are way too far away. If you move to the town where he is, at least there is a better than fifty percent chance of having a nice relationship with him, regardless of how he interprets your reason for moving. I would just matter of factly tell him you are moving to live with your brother and his wife, something you've been planning for a long time. Let him know you are looking forward to career opportunities there. Don't even mention seeing him, dating him, or having anything to do with him when you get there. Just don't even visit the subject unless he brings it up, then be very tentative. Let him know it would be nice to see him when you get there but you've got lots of other things on your mind right now. Just before you move, call him and give him your brother's phone number and tell him you can be reached there in a week or so. Then leave it up to him to call you. When you get there, have your brother introduce you to some nice guy friends of his and start making a new circle of friends...paying this guy no mind. If he calls, great. Even then, don't play right into his hand. Give him a run for his money. See him for lunch but tell him you are still settling in and not making a lot of social plans until you are ready. Play it by ear and gradually begin to see him, along with others you may meet, and do things with your friends. Just be really cool about this. Don't call off your plans to move because of this dude. He's not worth it. If you stay where you are, chances are he won't be in your life for very long anyway. If you do move, maybe so or maybe not...but you need to control that. There are many nice guys around. I unconditionally guarantee you can pull all this off and look a lot more desireable to this guy if you follow my instructions. If you go straight for him when you arrive at your new home, he will gag and you will deal a death blow to any future possiblities with him. Who knows, maybe you'll like one of your brother's friends better anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 15, 2000 Share Posted October 15, 2000 Thank you for the kind words. I do hope it all works out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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