Shaun-Dro Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I'm annoyed right now because my current girlfriend is on the fence, since one of her friends told her she shouldn't be dating me. This friend doesn't even know me from a hole in the wall!! My sweetheart wants space now because of this silliness and I'm seething over it. I'm also pissed about her showing pictures of us together to these strange people she likes to call friends. Why can't she see that our affair, relationship, whatever you wanna call it, is our business only? Agree?
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 What a control freak you sound like. It's disturbing. She can show HER pictures to whomever she wants to. That's normal. And, you'll have to get used to her friends not liking her dating a guy who is literally twice her age. But I have a suspicion that this girl wants to keep her distance from you for her own reasons, not just because she is influenced by her friends. She may be practically a child, but she probably has a mind of her own. When I was 18 I would have preferred to be trampled by a herd of elephants than to date a guy who was my parents' age, though there is technically or ethically nothing wrong with it. Oh, and to answer your question: we usually turn to our trusted friends for advice or perspective on any matter, not just men. She has known you for a couple of weeks, right? I bet she's known her friends for much longer. 2
ThaWholigan Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Probably the same reasons we listen to our friends instead of women Aren't we always telling each other not to listen to a woman's advice on dating? Why should women listen to men's then? We aren't the authority on it . I don't know what your situation is OP, but I gather she's a young 'un and you're in your 30s. I'd imagine that may have something to do with her current flakiness, maybe she sees things differently. Try not to be too upset about it though.
NYC-BigKat Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I'm annoyed right now because my current girlfriend is on the fence, since one of her friends told her she shouldn't be dating me. This friend doesn't even know me from a hole in the wall!! My sweetheart wants space now because of this silliness and I'm seething over it. I'm also pissed about her showing pictures of us together to these strange people she likes to call friends. Why can't she see that our affair, relationship, whatever you wanna call it, is our business only? Agree? I dont know why they do it too. I had this happen to me once in hs when I asked out this girl & her friend told her to say no & she listened. I guess girls always need friends to coach them on what to do alot .
Author Shaun-Dro Posted June 20, 2012 Author Posted June 20, 2012 Probably the same reasons we listen to our friends instead of women Aren't we always telling each other not to listen to a woman's advice on dating? Why should women listen to men's then? We aren't the authority on it . I don't know what your situation is OP, but I gather she's a young 'un and you're in your 30s. I'd imagine that may have something to do with her current flakiness, maybe she sees things differently. Try not to be too upset about it though. I'm trying not to be but it bugs me when people can't mind their business! I have no tolerance for busybodies. And whatever the cause may really be as to why she wants some distance, I won't let some so-called friends of hers come between us. Girlfriends are not easy to come by these days, especially when they're young and attractive. 1
mesmerized Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I'm trying not to be but it bugs me when people can't mind their business! I have no tolerance for busybodies. And whatever the cause may really be as to why she wants some distance, I won't let some so-called friends of hers come between us. Girlfriends are not easy to come by these days, especially when they're young and attractive. You sound creepy and controlling. Her friend was right, good for her for listening to her friend. 4
veggirl Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 While in general I don't agree with sharing intimate relationship details / problems with people outside of the R... you have stated you are just dating her for fun right? And that it's not serious? So what do you care?
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I'm annoyed right now because my current girlfriend is on the fence, since one of her friends told her she shouldn't be dating me. This friend doesn't even know me from a hole in the wall!! My sweetheart wants space now because of this silliness and I'm seething over it. I'm also pissed about her showing pictures of us together to these strange people she likes to call friends. Why can't she see that our affair, relationship, whatever you wanna call it, is our business only? Agree? Lots of people are insecure about all kinds of things. They listen to other people and let them dictate things to them. Like "friends" who tell you not to wear stripes with plaids. Or people who tell you not to put ranch dressing on chocolate chip cookies. Or people who tell you not to stay out past midnight, etc. Sounds like your girlfriend is one of those people. Good for you that you found out you guys aren't compatible. Now you know and you can move on.
monkey00 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) Lots of people are insecure about all kinds of things. They listen to other people and let them dictate things to them. Like "friends" who tell you not to wear stripes with plaids. Or people who tell you not to put ranch dressing on chocolate chip cookies. Or people who tell you not to stay out past midnight, etc. Sounds like your girlfriend is one of those people. Good for you that you found out you guys aren't compatible. Now you know and you can move on. I second the above. I had something similar happen to me awhile back ago with this girl I was dating. I had a hunch also that her friends influenced her to stop seeing me. I think the more mentally weak the girl is/more indecisive, the more they are likely to give into their girlfriends' opinions and needing their approval. I think if your GF could stand her ground, this probably would not be happening to you OP - as she would defend you. Is it really worth it being with someone who doesn't respect you enough to defend you when you are being attacked? Edited June 20, 2012 by monkey00 2
Ruby Slippers Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Girlfriends are not easy to come by these days, especially when they're young and attractive. She's not your property. She has free will. 2
WonderKid Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I stated this in a previous posting recently. I ****ing HATE that! Granted, she is her own person and can do whatever the hell she wants, but when it comes to girls listening to their friends I hate that stuff. It just shows me she can't think for her damn self. And it really pisses me off when they don't even know me but want to talk **** about me. And if I am dating you, and you don't defend me from your friends speaking bad of me, we are through. I don't give a damn how controlling it looks or sounds. Because truth be told if my friends talked about my woman in any negative way I would stop them in their tracks. "Hey, you don't know her so do say that." And friends are supposed to support you, not tell you how the hell to live your life. And its common among girls because some are actually jealous at times. I had a girl once. Her friends told her she should date another guy because he had a car and would spoil her. So when she told me that it kinda bothered me. Then she said something about us getting together and her friends being with her. I said no because I don't care for them that much because of what they said about me. I didn't talk bad about them at all. She goes crazy saying, "You don't even know them. You are pissing me off!" She constantly states how she wants to get married sometime in the future. I said, "How the **** can you keep a husband or any man and you put your friends above them?" She took long to answer. I don't want a girl like that in my life. I don't mind women talking among eachother about me, but let them talk. Make your own decision. 2
angie2443 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 If I remember right, she's a teenager and you're quite a bit older. I'd say that her friends are trying to protect her from what they see as an unhealthy relationship. I hope she listens to them. She needs time to grow up before dating someone so much older and, sorry, but you do sound controlling.
Emilia Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Why date an 18 year-old if you are looking for a mature partner? Sounds petty dumb to me. 3
utterer of lies Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 It just shows me she can't think for her damn self. And it really pisses me off when they don't even know me but want to talk **** about me. Why so angry? It is important to you that the girl thinks for herself. Those who don't listen to their friends. If they reject you because of their friends, if anything, you dodged a bullet. Otherwise, you might have gotten close to a girl who doesn't think for herself, in order words, a girl that's clearly not fulfilling your prerequisites, and wasted time and emotions. 2
DuchessKaye Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Why must women listen to their friends when it comes to men?!? I DON'T...
angie2443 Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Why must women listen to their friends when it comes to men?!? I DON'T... Confident people listen to other people's opinions and gain information from this. This doesn't mean they agree with the opinions. It just means that they are secure enough to not fear bieng controled by someone elses point of view. The girlfriend in this case might have been having concerns before her friends said anything. She might also be using her friends as a way to back away from the relationship.
zengirl Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Are you seeking validation on a message forum full of strangers in suggesting women shouldn't seek any validation from friends they have carefully selected IRL? At any rate, why have friends if you don't value their opinions. That's not to say you shouldn't have your own mind or should always follow their advice (good friends will understand when you choose to do otherwise, though if something is really bad for you they may be disappointed), but I see no evidence she does not. Obviously, if she's 18, her mind and perspective are still evolving rapidly. Such is youth! But I think this thread is very weird indeed. I mean, this is a board where people ask strangers for their opinions on their love lives! Why wouldn't people ask their actual friends and value what those friends had to say? 3
fucpcg Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I've learned not to date girls, who you wouldn't date their girlfriends. I don't mean literally date their girlfriends, but they had the personality matching you, and you got along as good friends. I have a friend I work out with, we have kind of dated around, her girlfriends are all athletes that I love hanging around with, some of her friends play on my volleyball league, we all go out and hang out, and have a great time. If we ever seriously dated, her friends would be my friends, they already are. My ex, all her friends were train wrecks, barflys, total sluts (pardon the term, but true). I learned long ago not to buy into the whole White Knight thing, that you are going to come rescue some girl from her horrible lifestyle and live happily ever after, but somehow at 40 I was duped into it again. When we dated, she quit drinking and partying, and her girlfriends HATED me for it. All they did was talk about how horrible I was. Then the ex and I break up, she goes back to hanging out with them, and they all now trash me for what a horrible boyfriend I am while sitting around the bar, getting drunk, hooking up. If a girl's friends don't like you, consider it a warning sign of a much bigger problem. 2
xxoo Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Mature women (and men) ultimately make up their own minds, regardless of who they go to for advice. If you believe she is unduly influenced by her friends, that is likely attributable to her age and immaturity. The solution may be to date more mature women, if it really bothers you. 2
snug.bunny Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Is this the Target girl you kicked out of your house because she said she could cook, and when you asked her to cook you Rice-A-Roni, she didn't?
zengirl Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 I've learned not to date girls, who you wouldn't date their girlfriends. I don't mean literally date their girlfriends, but they had the personality matching you, and you got along as good friends. I have a friend I work out with, we have kind of dated around, her girlfriends are all athletes that I love hanging around with, some of her friends play on my volleyball league, we all go out and hang out, and have a great time. If we ever seriously dated, her friends would be my friends, they already are. Ditto, with men. I mean, not necessarily ALL his friends. Hubby has an odd friend here or there that isn't my cuppa, but not horrible people, generally. I'm not sure that really applies to the OP's situation, with what he's after/doing, since that's more for serious Rs. However, it is totally a good rule of thumb in general that you should date someone who associates mostly with people who you could also get along with and, at least, respect.
KathyM Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 Friends usually have a person's best interests at heart, if they're a true friend that is, so it's pretty normal for them to express their opinion about a guy their friend is dating. I do that with my friends and relatives as well. It's pretty normal, and people usually want to get feedback from their friends on the guy the person is dating. Nothing wrong with that. It helps to get second opinions on a guy, because sometimes the person doesn't see things that should be red flags or concerns because they are too close to the situation or too clouded to really see things clearly. There must be something about you that is a concern for these friends. If you are much older than your gf, I'd say the friends are right for expressing their concern about this.
InJest Posted June 20, 2012 Posted June 20, 2012 You really shouldn't get too attached to this girl. You should start seeing other girls so you can put a little distance between you.
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