Best friend initiates sex twice....is it all about sex or does he have feeling too?

[CurlyIam]

I simply adore Spoke's idea! Next time you see each other, have a playfull atitude, be teasing him, KISS him, and make an alusion to dating! Nothing about love, commitmment or "till death do us part" thins time , ok ?

 

 

Of course, you'll have to see if it's appropriate, not to "playing a role", for he'll sense the "artificiality". If he says "no", at least you'll be having a talk about your relationship.

 

 

I usually like spontainous gestures! So go with your instinct!

[lonely4him]

If I had the guts to jump on him I would have done it a long time ago!

 

I tend to hang on him anyway so I don't think he'd notice. And ME try and kiss him? Wow, you guys are talking about a lot of guts that I obviously don't have or I would just talk to him.

 

It all stems from my fear of being rejected and making the friendship "funny"

 

I'd also like comments about the fact that he seems distant. Not really calling as much. He was kind of distant last time too.

 

Stupid Boys I'll never understand them!

 

this has been helpful thanks to all

[Paradise]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

It's SPOCK, paradise, not spoke....SPOCK

Don't tell me to tone down anything.......................I may be a little paranoid, sure, but I like it that way.

OK SPOCK.....my bad, it's typo.....

 

Don't tell me not to tell you, likewise.........

 

Like I said before, I value everyone's opinion.

You don't have to take things so personal...it's all about individual’s opinion here...we can agree or disagree or agree to disagree......

I've seen many threads turn in to a personal battle of individual opinion without focusing on the subject....

 

I may be a little paranoid, sure, but I like it that way

That's your individual belief, but being paranoid can lead to self-destruction.

I'm just the opposite.

 

PEACE.

[Mr Spock]

Paranoid also leads to self protection....

 

Lonely , grab the bull by the horns.....or by the balls....don't be afraid. You already are in love with him, it's not like you'll be able to go back to just being friends (on your side)unless you are a saint, then I'd ask you to teach me how-you've got nothing to lose by pursuing it now...

[Bobbie]

that's how I found loveshack, browsing for articles on why are women attracted to jerks

 

ditto!

Laughed my head off.

 

Lonely4him I personally would kiss him gently full on the mouth next time you're alone together and it feels appropriate; surprise him & what he does/says next will tell you how he feels emotionally.

 

If he feels the same way as you and still isn't into a relationship then he has some problems ( and I'd only hang about if he could talk to me and was actively adressing them )

 

If he doen't then you need some space from each other to regroup.

You still might be friends down the line, I'm still close to all 3 loves of my life, though one I didn't talk to for two years while I got over him.

[CurlyIam]

Darling, I've been thinking... MAybe we're wrong and you're right!

 

I think you should do what comes naturally to you. If you're shy, then he knows it, and your kissing him would seem artificial, out of place...

 

I say simply open your eyes wide open and see what happenes. I have quite a high tolerance for pain, but when reaching my limit I take action. Maybe you simply need to reach your limit of hurting and uncertainity. I'm dead serious.

 

MayIask how you see the outcome of this situation?

 

Oh,and you said you've made love twice. What was the amount of time between them? How does he seem moredistant? MAybe he's more distant because you've also changed your behaviour? Try to describe us how you think he's feelingand how you're feeling, what are your expectations out of this situation...

 

Curly

[lonely4him]

Curly,

 

to answer your questions....it was about 4 months between intimacy.

 

It seems like he's more distant because he hasn't been calling as much during the day. But this faded out after about a week last time. Fortunately, our conversations aren't much different, I don't feel any tension.

 

I would love for this to develop, in its own time, into a relationship. My mom always told me that love started with friendship we'll see if she's right.

 

Sorry Curly I have NO idea what he's thinking, and about reaching my limit of pain....I know what you mean. It's ok I can handle it. I really have cared about him for a long time, but chose to ignore it.

 

So for me things are still the same.....you guys have been a big help. I'm still going with the laying low, but if i see an oppurtunity and it feels right.....maybe i'll take it.

[Phelly]

Originally posted by lonely4him I tend to hang on him anyway so I don't think he'd notice. And ME try and kiss him? Wow, you guys are talking about a lot of guts that I obviously don't have or I would just talk to him.

 

It all stems from my fear of being rejected and making the friendship "funny"

 

You had sex with the guy TWICE.

Tell me your friendship isn't already "funny"

 

You said he is getting distant(again), do you like this? Obviously not, I only ask so that you realize that you can't really make this situation WORSE. Either he wants "more" or he doesn't. If he does, then good. If not, then what has changed? Nothing.

 

The only way to make things better is to FIND OUT.

 

Your alternative is to sit there and wonder what he's thinking when he doesn't call you.

 

You said earlier, with a certain distaste, that you'll never understand "boys." I say that if the only attempt you make to understand is 'telepathy', then I must agree.

[lonely4him]

I thank everyone for thier adivice, but feel like eveyone has lost sight of the fact that this is not just some guy that I met a month ago and we were friends and now we sleep together.

 

This is my best friend of many years and i don't want to lose that. Taking a break from each other for us is not talking for 24 hours.

 

No, our friendship is not "funny" now. I think if anything we are a little more playful with each other. The reason I chose to sit here and do nothing is because there is more at risk then just a **** buddy or some aqauintance.

 

I really think Curly is right on post 11 with her example. We are already a little scared about whats going on between us, lets really screw everything up by throwing love in. She's right....guys are like that...you start talking about where the 2 of you are going and they RUN LIKE HELL.