Talk of suicide and doing it

[Silly_Girl]

So is it true that people who talk about suicide don't do it?

 

I never talked about it, I insisted the opposite, but I hoped and wished for death to come and then started planning it. Still I didn't mention to anyone, even when I filled in the questionnaires for the mental health team. I was worried they'd take my son from me. I didn't attempt suicide, I turned a corner prior to that point. And with my subsequent bout of depression I acted more quickly in getting help because I knew what could happen and exactly where I was headed.

 

I think everyone is different and I would hate to make generalisations or assumptions.

[KathyM]

So is it true that people who talk about suicide don't do it?

I don't know what the statistics are, but many people who attempt suicide do not succeed. Many people threaten suicide but don't attempt it. People may threaten suicide to get attention, or to manipulate or control others, or as a cry for help, but never actually make an attempt.

[KathyM]

I'd also like to say that if anyone does talk about taking their own life, the threat should be taken seriously, and you should see that the person gets help from a mental health professional, or if you are entertaining thoughts of suicide, you should seek help from a mental health professional. You could be suffering from depression or anxiety or have an adjustment disorder because of a difficult event in your life, which are all temporary conditions which can be helped through counseling, and possibly through medication. Nothing is worth taking your life over. Your life has value, and can be improved through counseling. Any bad situation you are going through now is temporary and can get better with help or just with the passage of time. If you are finding your life is meaningless or you don't have certain things in your life that you want to have, then take steps to improve it. There is always something that you can add to your life to make it better, whether it be with helping others to live better lives by volunteering your time to others, or by starting to do activities that you think you might enjoy, just for you. Taking your life is not a solution, but is a permanent act of violence against yourself that you can never change once you take that step. If you or someone you know has thought about or talked about suicide, please take this seriously, and see that you/he/she gets some psychological help. There is help out there, and many counselors charge on a sliding fee schedule, meaning they only charge what you can afford based on your income. Some places don't charge anything for their services, or they charge a very nominal fee. Please seek help if you are considering ending your life or if someone you know is talking about it. All mention of it should be taken seriously.

[Desinova]

It's tempting at times but I can't do it because I don't want my next life to be worse than this one.

 

If someone talks about suicide then starts giving their stuff away, that is a key sign.

 

never knew you were in such pain FitChick.

 

You seem like one of more positive posters around these parts.

[FitChick]

never knew you were in such pain FitChick.

You seem like one of more positive posters around these parts.

 

No worries! It's just a fleeting thought at times when I think of the future. What would I do if I were very old, alone, poor and sick? It's a very real fear for many people these days. Assisted suicide wouldn't be an option for me, as it would be for some, because I am a spiritual person. I wouldn't want to come back as a frog!

[avon20]

The real reason I asked this question is because I sometimes contemplate if I want to live. I've been depressed the last month. Crying everyday for the last 2 weeks.

[KathyM]

The real reason I asked this question is because I sometimes contemplate if I want to live. I've been depressed the last month. Crying everyday for the last 2 weeks.

Has there been a change in your life recently that caused this depression?

[avon20]

My brother committed suicide a few years ago. I've had a relapse in grief as if this happened just weeks ago.

[climbergirl]

Are you getting help for your depression?

 

I hope you feel better and something turns around for you. Whether you or anyone else is talking about suicide I have the same advice. Always, Always take it seriously. Seek help for yourself or anyone who is contemplating ending things.

[KathyM]

My brother committed suicide a few years ago. I've had a relapse in grief as if this happened just weeks ago.

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you haven't really emotionally processed his death, and it is starting to cause you symptoms of depression. I hope you will seek counseling for this. Please. You need to talk this through with a mental health professional. Sometimes when people lose a close family member to suicide, they start thinking along those lines as well. Please understand that things can and will get better over time. But you need to talk to someone about this to help you through it. Please call a counselor right away and make an appointment. My sympathies on your loss. Take care, and remember, your life is valuable. It's a gift to be used to its fullest. You can get past this, you just need some help with it right now. ((((hugs)))

[Seductive]

Most of the time, I would say yes-but that doesn't mean we can't take the steps to make sure that the person is safe.

 

I wouldn't blow off someone that is talking about suicide, but I would talk to them and make sure that they don't have a plan, or try to de-escalate their feelings.

[Taramere]

My brother committed suicide a few years ago. I've had a relapse in grief as if this happened just weeks ago.

 

I'm really sorry that you went through that.

 

I don't think it's in any way a given that somebody who talks about suicide won't go through with it. A lot of people leave notes in an effort to explain themselves/apologise, and it makes sense to me that a person who is seriously contemplating suicide might discuss it with people in advance primarily because (like the person leaving the note) they are trying to make people understand their reasons.

 

If it's something you're contemplating, then talking about it is a must. What can seem unsolvable or unchangeable in your own head can suddenly seem eminently addressable once you're discussing it with another person....but of course you need to choose your listener carefully. Making a disclosure like that to somebody who's liable to accuse you of attention-seeking would be most unhelpful.

 

Your doctor is probably your best bet, as it's a disclosure they're well used to dealing with. They'll know the right questions to ask you in order to ascertain whether you're at imminent risk of self harm, and hopefully refer you for longer term counselling to help you manage these times when the loss of your brother is hitting you afresh.

[FitChick]

If you killed yourself, you'd be putting your family through the same sh*t all over again. Very selfish in my opinion.

 

Find a good medium (I can recommend one who works by phone if you aren't near her) and talk to your brother. He will tell you what a bad idea it is and how it hasn't solved anything for him. No doubt he feels worse than when he was alive. This particular medium had a good friend who committed suicide so the above scenario is reflective of what her friend told her.

[Trimmer]

Find a good medium (I can recommend one who works by phone if you aren't near her) and talk to your brother. He will tell you what a bad idea it is and how it hasn't solved anything for him. No doubt he feels worse than when he was alive. This particular medium had a good friend who committed suicide so the above scenario is reflective of what her friend told her.

I have a very different spiritual orientation than you do, and I'm trying not to put this in a negative way, but I think this advice is potentially destabilizing. Depending on the OP's spiritual orientation, she may need help with processing and accepting the permanence of the loss of her brother, not to be led to believe that she can talk to him again. And as far as claiming that "he feels worse" now - I know that's intended to convince her not to hurt herself (a goal which I share...) but isn't it a kind of a crude (and cruel) bludgeon to tell her that he's suffering even worse now than he was before he left her?

 

Avon - KathyM's comments had resonance for me. Sometimes we don't process things fully "at the time" - pieces come up and come back to us later. (This especially happens with kids and adolescents who suffer losses - they tend to reprocess them as they go through different developmental stages on their way to adulthood.) So it's not unheard of that this would have come up for you in a very intense and real way, even years later.

 

Was there something that precipitated this? An anniversary of something, an event, something in the news that triggered you? Or it could just be your subconscious telling you that now it's time to process this.

 

You don't have to figure it all out by yourself. Take one step at a time; can you - will you - reach out to a doctor or a counselor and ask: "I need some help, how do I start to deal with this?"

[avon20]

If you killed yourself, you'd be putting your family through the same sh*t all over again. Very selfish in my opinion.

 

Find a good medium (I can recommend one who works by phone if you aren't near her) and talk to your brother. He will tell you what a bad idea it is and how it hasn't solved anything for him. No doubt he feels worse than when he was alive. This particular medium had a good friend who committed suicide so the above scenario is reflective of what her friend told her.

 

 

At the end of the day nobody really has any proof about what happens to anyone in the afterlife whether they die by their own hand or by someone else's hand or by accident or natural death or sickness, or any other cause.

 

What happens to suicides in the afterlife goes into the realm of one's own religious beliefs and everyone has their sincerely held religious beliefs about the afterlife. There are Christian Universalists like myself who believe that everybody goes to heaven when they die regardless of how they lived or how they died. That because Christ died for the sins of the world & rose again nothing is required on man's part to enter heaven.

 

It's not a huge group in Christianity but it has been there in each generation. I converted to universalism in September 2007. So my belief that suicides go to heaven is really just a belief. It has no empirical evidence and neither does anyone else's beliefs about the afterlife.

 

Some believe suicide is a straight ticket to hell and many denominations in the church have held that position for a long time. I can understand why some might think that this doctrine could work as a scare tactic to deter people from committing suicide. Some church leaders would argue that even if it turns out that suicides go to heaven that they would not teach it because they feel it's their job to keep their congregation on their toes.

 

And if I'm going to talk to my brother I would rather do it directly and not through a 3rd party.

[writergal]

The real reason I asked this question is because I sometimes contemplate if I want to live. I've been depressed the last month. Crying everyday for the last 2 weeks.

 

This is the only life we get (there's no real proof that life exists beyond this, or that reincarnation or resurrection is possible). Maybe the root of your depression can be discovered if you change things around in your life. Something must have triggered your depression. Find that trigger, and you're depression will lift. Depression can be situational too, not just biological. Maybe there's a situation or relationship that has you depressed. Or maybe you just miss your brother. Maybe take these concerns and questions to someone you trust at your church, or friend or family member who can act as a sounding board and help you shift your perspective to see your life differently. Sometimes we need to adjust our perception around a bit, before we can feel better about our circumstances. Does that make any sense?