kiababy Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 My daughter is fine now. She lives with her boyfriend, the guy she has two adorable little girls with. She works as a waitress evenings and looks after her babies during the day. They are now 3 and 1. MM and the other guys I was seeing all know that I'm a .........GRANDMOTHER..... and it hasn't bothered any of them, in fact they tease me about it. Go figure. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 Originally posted by kiababy It's O.K. VivianLee, I'm already taking one medication for depression, not a huge dose, just enough to stop the crying spells I used to have a couple of years ago. The last 5 years were filled with sadnes for me. The divorce, my daughter getting pregnant the first time, I found out I had two tumors and had to have a hysterectomy, my daughter got pregnant the second time....and in between her pregnancies she moved out and got mixed up in things that absolutely broke my heart worse than MM ever will. What was happening with her was such a nightmare - there is NO WAY I want to go into it in this forum - that I was left with high blood pressure I had no idea how to rescue her from what she was involved in and had to deal with my mother and her side of the family screaming at me like it was all my fault. Let me say that I lost track of my daughter when I split up with my ex husband not because I was out dating. I was waitressing, working evenings and late into the night while I took computer courses during the day to upgrade my office skills so I could re-enter the work force after being a stay-at-home mom for 7 years. It was at my first office job after that, when I was sitting at my desk crying one day when MM#1 came along and asked me what was wrong. What a 'pretty girl' like me had to cry about. That was the beginning. Fast forward to today...the last few years have been a huge struggle, maybe I have taken the easy way out, falling for the man that gives me the most attention. Yes, I let him pretend to kidnap me, tie me up, lock me in the back of his truck. I'm sure that's what you're referring to when you say you've been 'alarned' by some of my posts. That was only ONE TIME. Now it's just one of those 'what's the craziest thing you've ever done?' stories we'll both tell later on...I've had a sh***y couple of years. I want to feel loved, even for a little while. That's how he makes me feel. Our behaviour is a little out of control but in between the wild stuff are very tender moments and loving words. I haven't felt anything for anyone in a long time, maybe never. Maybe I like the way I feel more than I like him, I'm not sure. But it's pretty damn easy to feel this way about this gorgeous creature who dotes on me. Strange thing is, I'm single but I can't talk about him to anyone. He's married and talks about me all day. In case you missed the post - he put me on the phone to the guy he works with, I spent 15 minutes confirming the entire relationship. Life has at times hit you so hard. I understand! Plus I have a 17 yr old that hasn't acted out sexually but between the things we've been through and then having her parent's that are supposed to be good Christian people cheat on each other, it's a bit confusing for her to listen to our advice on how to live. Our home has been in constant turmoil! I hope I don't go through what you have but I know it has to have broken your heart because from the time they are born, they have our hearts held tight in those tiny fists! You're husband, daughter and mother (family) seemed to have abandoned you at one time. With that and the health problems, no wonder you were depressed! It's totally understandable that when you were down that having someone throw you a crumb of approval turned your head BUT the minute you decided to sleep with someone else's husband, you lowered yourself to a standard that wasn't any different than those that had hurt you. You should of went UP instead of DOWN (I'm saying this to myself so don't feel I'm judging, okay?). You have gone from getting out of a bad marriage, trying to save your daughter, going out and getting a good job to letting some young, handsome punk control your every thought and move.... Is that how you want your life to be at this time? You were able to work through all these horrific life changes....you have it in you, that means you can break off this addiction with that same determination!! He started as a boy toy but now you are wanting and hoping that a future will happen. He will pick up on that and throw you crumbs that will keep you coming back for as long as he wants this affair to last. There will be NO good endings for you. I know he's gorgeous, young and crazy about you...but from your posts....he's also... A pothead, drinks too much, unfaithful, not trustworthy, selfish, liar and immature!! Now if you looked at those qualifications before you had seen him or slept with him, surely you would have ran in the other direction!! Try and run now before you sink deeper and deeper, when that job runs out, you are going to have TOO much time to think and will be even more vulnerable. Stop this cycle now plus stop seeing MM all together. You are not doing well in your life, even if you are attractive, smart and witty, those qualities don't mean a hill of beans if you are letting a mere man control your life and if you are doing things that are destructive!! My daughter is fine now. She lives with her boyfriend, the guy she has two adorable little girls with. She works as a waitress evenings and looks after her babies during the day. They are now 3 and 1. My daughter is fine now. She lives with her boyfriend, the guy she has two adorable little girls with. She works as a waitress evenings and looks after her babies during the day. They are now 3 and 1. MM and the other guys I was seeing all know that I'm a .........GRANDMOTHER..... and it hasn't bothered any of them, in fact they tease me about it. Go figure. I'm happy that your daughter is fine now! I know that is one peace of mind you needed! Do you get to see the babies?? It would be wonderful to spoil em and then send them back to their Mama My mother was a young grandmother, she was 39 turning 40 the next month, when I had my daughter! I am hoping that my daughter will go on to college (she has 2 more years of high school) and then get married then have children....but life tends to have it's own schedule! Take care Kia!! Link to post Share on other sites
kiababy Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 I had no idea that you had a teenage daughter too!!!!! We have so much in common it's crazy! Even down to the Christian thing....I feel so guilty that I haven't attended services in a long time; but I have arranged for my sons to have their bible study once a week. It makes me feel better to know that they will learn the Christian principles from someone other than me. None of my kids know of my 'activities' though. My daughter is 21 but I can't even bring myself to admit to her that I am sexually active. She knows I date...but I never say more than that. I'm sure she's figured it out - but....don't all start laughing at once.....I'm kind of old fashioned when it comes to stuff like that....isn't that INSANE????? A pothead, drinks too much, unfaithful, not trustworthy, selfish, liar and immature!! Now if you looked at those qualifications before you had seen him or slept with him, surely you would have ran in the other direction!! You are exactly right - I told him, if anyone else acted the way he does, I would kick them to the curb quick, fast and in a hurry!!! He started as a boy toy He went from being my boy toy to being....THE BOSS...how did THAT happen? ....but now you are wanting and hoping that a future will happen ...dreaming maybe, but not hopeful. Wow, you've got a really good handle on the situation Viv! How are you coping with your situation by the way? What's happening with you? What stage are you at? Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 Hey Kia, since this is Cheek's thread....I thought I'd take things to PM...so check your PM! Link to post Share on other sites
kiababy Posted July 19, 2004 Share Posted July 19, 2004 I know, I started a new one to leave hers alone. Going to read your PM now! Link to post Share on other sites
unluckylady Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Cheeks, please read this post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=43856 It only took your story, your pain, your courage, to make me realize that I must end this, must stop this. If there's anything you can take from your story, it's knowing that you have eased to future pain of a fellow lovesick woman. I wish you all the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cheeks Posted August 1, 2004 Author Share Posted August 1, 2004 It has been a month. I am still having a very hard time dealing with this loss. I am not sure I could ever let another man touch me. I miss him so badly. He wants me back, so he says, but I am scared to death of him. But still love him. Why do I still love him??? Why can't I hate him. It would be so much easier that way. Link to post Share on other sites
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