four years in the making.... read this for hope

[Radu]

I think the fact that you kept breaking up and making up may have contributed to your eventual pain.

You were looking at the past and saw that again and again you two got together, which gave hope to the part of you wanted her back, and prevented the part of you that wanted to move on from getting stronger.

[sheithappens]

I agree with you rad, but that last break up felt different from the other ones . I guess I had just gotten fed up with relationship that was unhealthy and blew up. I guess every man has a breaking point . That time it was my breaking point. Looking back at it , it kept my in a place where I couldn't grow or actually find myself . It was a blessing on disguise. Now I am happy with myself and my life and of course I wish her the best and I hope she has or finds happiness.

[Boynextdoor]

Bnd, hey man thanks for reading the thread . That's good that you have no resentment towards her . It make the hurt process so much easier , but also brings up little issues. I'm glad you are focusing on yourself. That's the key man . You have to make yourself happy first before you can make someone else happy. I'm actually surprised of the man I have become . As in I am now in control of my anger and emotions . I'm starting to use my brain more often lol . I needed this breakup to happen to me to wake me up from my little world you know . Anyways good luck man , it seems like you are on good track to healing and growing! Keep it up!

 

Well, the space was initiated by me. However, that is to focus more on our burdens because we were both on the same shoe. I just try to hide it for her not to worry. but my intentions is never to blew her off or leave her. I guess the message was misinterpreted and days after she broke up with me. But I dont hate for that got sad of course so I thought doing the getting back move will reverse it. Sadly it made her more distant through me.

 

My intentions ,apologies, and support was sent to her so I think I did my part already. To eat your own pride is a hard thing to do but I did it.

Like what you've said on previous post one day you'll wake up in the morning and tell yourself. Man!, I can't be like this forever. So, going NC and stepping back is not for retaliation but to improve my well being. Bring back the life of myself because I must admit I got clouded by my thoughts and my emotions. Because I was madly in love with her. (FYI: Arguements blew this rel. and pressure from both ends our family,mywork,her board exams).Struggled with communication.

 

So, Yeah I think I'm in track to healing and growing. And I guess missing them and flashbacks of good memories will come and go.

[Boynextdoor]

Please dont get me wrong in sharing a bit further. I've seen and felt that sharing my thoughts and my real feelings here in LS is like having my own Counseling Session with a specialist.

 

Makes my mind clearer and think further. I know that I may be receiving criticism but I do accept and respect them constructively.

 

Lately i've been feeling good because I am able to at least balance my time and somehow learned how to turn off the switch of my emotional distress. Been doing a lot of reading,going to the gym everyday so my mind and thoughts are always relaxed and somehow in condition. Looking forward for a 100% full blast of me!

 

Full of confidence,optimism, and full of life.. More love to offer to people!

 

(One thing i've learned during the 2 months time of my self actualization. Is that life will always give you so much stuff that's either you'll make it or break it. "I'm referring to once self")

[Fallenandbroken]

After 5 years of on and off with a girl I Beleive this time is the last time.

 

The basics of the break up are we both have issues and in no way was it just one persons fault. We got pretty serious pretty quickly and did really like each other. The first time we had a big fight and split up for a few days she slept with someone the same night. I didn't find out for a few weeks by then we had made up. She was due at a charity ball for my late mother the following day (to raise money for a cancer charity) and she had the nerve to act like nothing happened. Over 5 years we'd break up she'd "move on" and get with someone new. Sometimes I did the same in petty revenge/rebound mode.

Things would always go wrong with the new bloke and she'd come after me again and I'd always go back because she was like a drug to me.

 

The last year we've been FWB but she's been trying to get me back saying she's changed etc and all the time I said no because 1. I did t Beleive she could really change and 2. She'd hurt me so much. About a month ago we fell out and she tried with a couple of txt's to get us together to talk but I refused as I was still annoyed. Then I got my stuff out of her's and heard no more. She had dived into a new relationship with a drug dealer. I sent her an email saying how I still love her and didn't expect it to go so far. She said so much has happened that it's for the best and she is happy now with this new man in her life. She said she was only really trying to get me back because of her son (did I not mention she has a child). I'm now on day 13 of NC and struggling.

 

I don't want her to contact me if and When it goes wrong with this lad. I can't see him being the step dad/faithful/loving type of person and think he is only using her for sex? She probably gives him it to get him to love her which is wrong.

 

Anyone with any words of wisdom that can give me the kick up the a@s I need to break free once and for all.

[CaliGuy]

LOLOLOLOLOL

 

Caliguy was a rebound. No standards, lied to, walked over, no life balance, no self esteem. STILL CHASED HIS EX after 6 years.

 

Please GOD dont tell me you are like him

 

Your factual information is lacking any TRUE facts. Glad to see your lack of self esteem drives you to attack and falsely accuse others. No wonder I rarely come here anymore. Who wants to help people like you?!

[CaliGuy]

I'm sure there are three sides to the story , his side, her side and the truth . I didn't start this thread ti discuss Caliguys relationship . I made this thread to write about my story . I haven't been on here for a few years . I can honestly say that I'm healed . I think staying away from ls for awhile helped me out since I wasn't reading about a lot of heart breaks that would open up my wounds. I wish you luck in your process . I don't know your story or how long it's been , but I do wish you luck in healing . I Had also bought an engagement ring for my ex before I blew up and broke it off , so I kinda know what you are going through.

 

There are different views of the relationship but since narrow-minded people like Wilson only grain off the top what they want to read, it's quite easy for them to make a ton of assumptions.

 

Keep reading the guides, they'll help you (as they have helped others) and ignore bitter angry people like Wilson who have nothing better to do than to make up their own versions of someones story and basically remain a bitter, lonely person.