EnternallyOptomistic Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I had this best friend (since we were 5) when I was growing up. We stayed friends throughout school. Then we lost touch due to him taking a job elsewhere and then getting married. But I still kept in touch with all of his family. Then about 3.5 years ago we reconnected (He had recently been divorced and I was at the thinking about leaving stage). We hit it off like old times chatted online for hours and hours every day. We spoke about everything! Even the relationship after his wife (which was absolutely a horrible experience) to the controlling girlfriend he had after. Then he confessed he had a really big crush on me throughout high school but felt I was into different guys and didn't want to rock the boat. And ya I had a hidden thing for geeks . About a year into chatting he asked to see me and well I agreed and we met up again (after not seeing each other in 28 yrs). Wow the chemistry was intense, and well yup we got intimate. When we left each other the emails, chats and texts still kept coming as regular. Then one day a sent this really flirty text and my heart died a little with his response. "I feel uncomfortable talking like this I have a girlfriend now." At first he wouldn't tell me who, then he admitted to going back to the controlling girlfriend. I told him he should have told me he was back to be interested in her and that I was really feeling foolish about how I had wrote to him thinking he was interested. After a few days I got an email saying he still wanted to be friends. I told him I need time to think and find out how I feel. Then about 3-4 weeks later he started writing me again. He didn't write as much but every day or two. 2 yrs later we still are writing, when I'm in his town we go to lunch and when he is in my town we get together as well. Nothing intimate has happened since, just very long very warm hugs. When he is across the table from me he has this smile that makes me melt. He always tells me how great he feels around me, that he hasn't laughed like this in years. He still says he does not love the girlfriend and will never marry her or have her move in. That it's not a relationship like that, but can't explain what I am to him. I have never met her and he actually never voluntarily talks about her, maybe 4 times in the last year unless I completely draw it out of him. So I decided about a year ago, no more this is disrespectful to her and is hurting me immensely because I find myself meeting new people and thinking of him. So I stopped writing. Then 2 weeks go by and I get a "Hey, are you ok? What are you doing?" or "Did you forget your email password again?" And again I melt. This goes on every month or so and each time I think ok I it's done. Then sure enough i see an email alert from him. I just don't know? Yes I know he sounds completely married but when I spoke to some of our mutual friends they say no he hasn't not gotten remarried. Is he afraid of a relationship with me since his wife hurt him so badly or because of the distance between us? Am I just being a fool in believing he might actually want a relationship? Or am I confusing friendship and relationship? Should I just disappear completely? But that doesn't feel right either. Last time I seen him, when he was holding me I kissed his neck and he never pulled away only closer. I don't understand, please help sort out my little conundrum. Thanks for anything you got. Link to post Share on other sites
confusedheartlessbxt Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I think you should just talk to him. He seems completely confused. And he is confusing you. So not fair.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EnternallyOptomistic Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 Thank you for your time in answering. I just don't want to have a talk like that in an email and we never talk on the phone not that I like those talks on the phone either. I've only gotten him to call me 3 times in all the years lol. But then we lived 3 doors away growing up. Link to post Share on other sites
GLDheart Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you about something similar that happened to my brother. He met the girl of his dreams while he was away at college. They were together for years. To this day, I think he gave his heart to that girl more than any other before or since. There was enough turmoil though that they called it quits. A while later, my brother graduates and moves back home 8+ hours away. Neither one of them fully let go or moves on. But here's where it gets interesting and may apply to what your guy is doing to you. They had the weirdest dynamic going on. The girl had obviously grown and became a different person. However, and this is the key, in the safety of a long distance relationship with him she could escape Real Life and be the girl he once knew again. He dated many woman but could never get her out of his head. Years passed. He finally decides that he refuses to go through life regretting never giving it another 110% chance. He packs up and moves to the town that she lives in. Sadly, and my heart breaks for my brother, he soon discovers all of the "new girl" she has grown into that was hidden with all those miles in between. She crushed his dreams and they no longer speak... not at all. Your buddy might be similar. Possibly, he just likes the "way you see him" and holds onto that but it isn't the whole picture... right now it's a bit like living in an unrealistic fantasy. If you got any closer to him, the illusion would be destroyed. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 Then about 3.5 years ago we reconnected (He had recently been divorced and I was at the thinking about leaving stage). Just so I've got this straight. You've been married through all of this and still are? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EnternallyOptomistic Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 Thank you for your reply, but I'm sorry I don't really think it applies. Yes we both realize we have much baggage. We both have been in horrible marriages. We are both in our mid 40's and do realize we have grown. I was told he is very afraid of being hurt again, it devastated him. Which is why he dates women that he will not fall in love with. Ya, I know, sad. And I totally hate it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author EnternallyOptomistic Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 Enema lol No I have left my husband. About a year after we started talking I left my marriage. It was difficult to get away he was very abusive. I was not permitted to have friends of my own to help me leave. My friend was very supportive and help me realize I was strong enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EnternallyOptomistic Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 Enema lol No I have left my husband. About a year after we started talking I left my marriage. It was difficult to get away he was very abusive. I was not permitted to have friends of my own to help me leave. My friend was very supportive and help me realize I was strong enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EnternallyOptomistic Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 Sorry 'm new to this site and wasn't sure how to reply to you until of course after I did a "post". But my answer is below! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts