Why is he still with me when I cheat?

[LauraP]

As the title says it, I admit to having a problem and have been trying to stop but can't.

When we first met he knew about my past and how I was a player during high school and college. Well I was single then and had ONS as well as FWB. It has nothing to do with having low self-esteem. I did it because I wanted to and felt like it (no problems in the family nor abuse).

 

Anyway I was surprised he didn't seem turned off by this at all and still wanted to date me. Currently he has caught me several times and yet seems unaffected. Ok is that reaction even normal??

 

I understand if it was just for sex he was dating me but it's been 14 months now. Can someone tell me what exactly he sees in me when I'm broken (I don't pay for my classes, but was given the scholarship so I have to maintain my GPA). Serious answers only not labels.

[Cracker Jack]

The dude probably really loves you and probably believes he can change your ways for some reason. Many people believe they have what it takes to change someone. Not sure. I'm not him, nor do I know you, so it's kinda hard to tell what it is he sees in you. If not, he's probably just a desperate dude.

 

Is there a reason why you continue to stay with him when it's clear he's not enough for you?

[LauraP]

Is there a reason why you continue to stay with him when it's clear he's not enough for you?

I've been thinking about it and I would say it's because he accepted me in the beginning when most won't due to that double standard when it comes to having many sex partners. At least I admit it from the start and don't go pretending to be a goody girl.

[Chi townD]

Well, here's the rub of it. It IS affecting him even if you don't know it and sooner or later he's going to decide that enough is enough and curb you in a New York minute.

 

Then, you're going to be alone. The only thing you're going to have is meaningless hook ups and lose a guy that actually wanted the real you. A guy that treats you right. Rather than a girl that guys know they can "hit it and quit it."

 

As soon as that guy figures out he actually has a spine, he's going to be out of there. But, I suppect you won't be too broken up about it. I hate to say it, but you don't have any respect for the guy and the reason why you're hooking up with random guys is because you know he's going to be there. But, one day, he won't be anymore.

[freestyle]

Maybe he's doing the same thing, behind your back.........

[nessaaa]

Maybe he's doing the same thing, behind your back.........

 

 

 

 

I know a guy who dated two girls at once for a year. sounds like it's not a serious relationship.

if he's ok with you cheating it's either becuase he can't do anything better, has other relations on the side also, and he doesn't give a f about the relationship.

[gaius]

Some guys really don't care about that surprisingly. Is the sex good with him? Maybe he gets off on you being with other guys, or he's gay and doesn't care what you do since you're just a beard.

[LauraP]

Some guys really don't care about that surprisingly.

Yeah I was surprised he didn't care about it since many get jealous easily.

Is the sex good with him?

Yes, it is. The first time we did it (right on our second date), he said I was different from other girls.

Maybe he gets off on you being with other guys, or he's gay and doesn't care what you do since you're just a beard.

Haven't thought about it but could be since there was no reaction the last time he caught (not so long ago). I didn't even bother being secretive about it. The following hours or so it's back to the same again and he's not even mad.

[LauraP]

Well, here's the rub of it. It IS affecting him even if you don't know it and sooner or later he's going to decide that enough is enough and curb you in a New York minute.

Then I guess he must be really good at hiding that feeling because he doesn't even act upset or shocked.

[Reddice]

There can be several reasons why he's not affected:

 

1. He gets a kick out of it, as Gaius said.

2. He really doesn't care about you (though this might be the least plausible explanation).

3. He could have some kind of autistic disorder which he hasn't told you about. I have a female friend who's ex had aspergers, but never told her. It took her almost 3 years to find out. People with aspergers are very good at camouflaging this, though there will always be red flags.

4. He's gay.

 

I think the most plausible explanations are either 1 or 3.

[Joaquin]

I was involved with a girl for almost a year.

 

I saw she was on dating websites when we were together. She visited ex's. I didn't bring it up and I didnt care because I had no feeling for her beyond wanting to f### her. I didn't love her or see a future. I had zero emotional investment in her.

 

I was bored and banging her was fun. Had someone come along that I wanted a relationship with in that year I would have dropped her like a hot rock as I knew she wasn't for me.

 

Edit. I meant to also say that I went out (casually) with other girls while we were together and had sex with a few as well.

 

Hope that helps.

Edited June 21, 2012 by Joaquin

[freestyle]

Then I guess he must be really good at hiding that feeling because he doesn't even act upset or shocked.

 

 

Are you disappointed by this?

[nofool4u]

As the title says it, I admit to having a problem and have been trying to stop but can't.

When we first met he knew about my past and how I was a player during high school and college. Well I was single then and had ONS as well as FWB. It has nothing to do with having low self-esteem. I did it because I wanted to and felt like it (no problems in the family nor abuse).

 

Anyway I was surprised he didn't seem turned off by this at all and still wanted to date me. Currently he has caught me several times and yet seems unaffected. Ok is that reaction even normal??

 

I understand if it was just for sex he was dating me but it's been 14 months now. Can someone tell me what exactly he sees in me when I'm broken (I don't pay for my classes, but was given the scholarship so I have to maintain my GPA). Serious answers only not labels.

 

Could be any of the following

 

-he is turned on by the thought of your cheatin

 

-he doesn't think he can get a better woman

 

-he's cheating himself

 

-enjoys having someone easy and oversexed

 

-he's a lapdog

 

Question is, if you like to cheat, why do you engage in commitments?

[CarboniteCammy]

Laura,

 

are you sure you're in a relationship? I've never been with a man who would have been OK had he caught me cheating. I mean, just because you occasionally go out to eat with someone or go to a movie or to a club doesn't mean you're in a relationship.

 

Have you met his parents? Siblings? How well do you know his best friend? What about his daily routines? What does his favorite shirt look like? Do you know his shoe size? What's his favorite band, or color? How many girlfriends has he had before you?

 

If you can't answer these questions and you've been together 14 months, I'd say you're probably not dating. The big ones being whether you've met his parents and friends.

 

I think that maybe you have mistaken his intentions and that you guys are just fooling around. Because you've been together for so long, he probably does care about you as a person. But, there's no way he could ever truly respect you or want anything serious from you.

 

I would just enjoy it for what it is and don't look too deeply. If it's working for you, then that's all that matters. Why ask why, don't fix what's not broken, and blah blah blah. ;-)

[LauraP]

Are you disappointed by this?

No but rather surprised. Most would have probably dumped me that day or made a scene and even fight the other guy I was cheating with.

 

Laura,

 

are you sure you're in a relationship? I've never been with a man who would have been OK had he caught me cheating. I mean, just because you occasionally go out to eat with someone or go to a movie or to a club doesn't mean you're in a relationship.

Well he does refers me as his gf to his friends and others. So yes I'm in a relationship.

 

Have you met his parents? Siblings?

I only met his family twice. He doesn't live with his parents.

How well do you know his best friend?

Not too much.

What about his daily routines?

Well I know he works and studies too.

What does his favorite shirt look like?

I don't know.

Do you know his shoe size?

10?? Not sure.

What's his favorite band, or color? How many girlfriends has he had before you?

I Don't know. Haven't really ask about his number either, don't really care about it.

I would just enjoy it for what it is and don't look too deeply. If it's working for you, then that's all that matters. Why ask why, don't fix what's not broken, and blah blah blah. ;-)

Yeah it's working out.

[LauraP]

Question is, if you like to cheat, why do you engage in commitments?

I guess at some point I do want to commit once I get if off my system.

[FryFish]

You dont konw his friends, his favorite shirt, his shoe size and you have hardly met his family...? He doesnt care that you cheat...? You arent in a real relationship.

[LauraP]

your a cheating scumbag so your gonna get labels. youre a smelly piece of excrement for trying to shift the blame to him. its your damn fauly for breaking his trust. dating 'modern women' is so damn difficult that he may fear being alone if he leaves. what a ****ty position you put him in

Well excuse me but who are you God or the supreme justice? Like the bad guy, at least I have nothing to hide and he knew clearly who he was getting with esp when I told him about my past from the beginning. At least I was being honest there.

 

Now will you get off my thread.

[LauraP]

what a sick pile of donkey ****

And you're a nobody. Reported.

[LauraP]

what donkey excrement. you feel no shame for how you ****ed over your boyfriend. you ****ing blame him. is this what todays 'modern woman' is about? ****ing over guys? what a pile of **** you are all cheaters are

Get lose already. No I feel no shame and what?

[LauraP]

oh yeah. called a nobody by a cheating bastard. and u don't give a **** what gender you are. reported to what? i despise cheaters and dispise them even moreso when they have the ****ing gall to blame the person they cheated on for not being normal. what a ****.

When did I blame him? I was writing how it is because that's not how people in general react.

 

If I'm not mistaken this site is to help others, yes even the cheaters. I reported you already. Why don't you go towards the ranting section. You can post there instead of throwing garbage on my thread.

[LauraP]

why not tell that to your boyfriend who you're treating like a piece of ****. if you want to sleep with a hundred guys do it, but break up with your boyfriend first. leave him be rather than **** with him. donkey excrement

Why don't you get off my thread already? GET LOST

[LauraP]

. . . with a man/men.

 

You're the perfect "cover" for a closeted gay.

Haven't thought about it. He doesn't seem gay and sex is great (then well we have said I love you a to each other a couple times)....not that I know of.

[Seneca]

Laura it's great that you were honest up front. I would think he's accepted it and he really doesn't care. There are guys who are like that. I'm one of them...

 

But usually it's an open relationship.

Edited June 24, 2012 by Seneca

[Radu]

As the title says it, I admit to having a problem and have been trying to stop but can't.

When we first met he knew about my past and how I was a player during high school and college. Well I was single then and had ONS as well as FWB. It has nothing to do with having low self-esteem. I did it because I wanted to and felt like it (no problems in the family nor abuse).

 

Anyway I was surprised he didn't seem turned off by this at all and still wanted to date me. Currently he has caught me several times and yet seems unaffected. Ok is that reaction even normal??

 

I understand if it was just for sex he was dating me but it's been 14 months now. Can someone tell me what exactly he sees in me when I'm broken (I don't pay for my classes, but was given the scholarship so I have to maintain my GPA). Serious answers only not labels.

 

 

Either idealism on his part or he enjoys being a cuckold [it's a real fetish].