Why is he still with me when I cheat?

[nofool4u]

I guess at some point I do want to commit once I get if off my system.

 

I don't think this is something that someone like you can get out of their system. You had all of college to do that and you still don't have it out?

Best to just stay away from commitment. And set your SO free so he can find happiness.

[CarboniteCammy]

Wow, I don't know then. He must be getting someting out of the relationship or else he wouldn't stay.

 

I"m assuming you all don't live together, right?

 

I know this has been said before, but I knew a guy who was married and also had a girlfriend, and it was kind of alot like what you're saying. She wasn't really involved too much in his life, although she never met his family at all except for his brother once. I doubt she would have known anything about the meat and potatos of what his life was really like.

 

His wife lived with him and was the one who took care of all the mundane day-to-day chores, but the girlfriend was just kind of there when she wanted to be. I'm not sure if she was seeing other people or not, but it wouldn't have mattered. He told my hubby once that he liked knowing the GF was with other guys, too, because it meant less commitment on his part and an easy out if she ever turned up pregnant...so I guess she must have been with other guys, too.

[Eddie Edirol]

I think he doesnt have to social skills to get another woman, and he doesnt want to start over after he's gotten attached and accustomed to you. I hope hes not a cuckold.

[CarboniteCammy]

I'm kind of niave sometimes. What's a cuckhold?

[nofool4u]

I'm kind of niave sometimes. What's a cuckhold?

 

It has a couple definitions, but the most commonly accepted is the husband to an unfaithful wife.

 

Although I think most people would use the term to a husband who knows his wife is unfaithful and decides to put up with it for whatever reason.

[Eddie Edirol]

It has a couple definitions, but the most commonly accepted is the husband to an unfaithful wife.

 

Although I think most people would use the term to a husband who knows his wife is unfaithful and decides to put up with it for whatever reason.

 

Actually its a man who enjoys being humiliated by his wife by watching her with other men. The actual definition has to do with birds laying eggs in other birds nests.

[nofool4u]

Actually its a man who enjoys being humiliated by his wife by watching her with other men. The actual definition has to do with birds laying eggs in other birds nests.

 

Many people don't use the word with the qualification that the husband "enjoys" having an unfaithful wife.

 

Seems simply put that a cuckold is "the husband of an unfaithful wife"

 

Cuckold - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary

[CarboniteCammy]

thanks, just curious.

 

I guess it could be just as much of a fetish as anything else.

[skywriter]

Seems simply put that a cuckold is "the husband of an unfaithful wife

 

Sorry for the T/J but, wanted to ask if they have a name for a wife of an unfaithful husband as well?

[pastdue]

OK, here's the deal. Your "boyfriend" is getting all of the GOOD sex he wants from you. He doesn't have to approach anyone at a bar or club and look for someone to have a one night stand with. This would take a ton of effort, especially if isn't the very best looking guy at the establishment. He doesn't have to be in competition with other men to pursue a potential pick-up. He's got it with you. Why would he jeopardize his good gig by getting all upset and jealous?

 

You are freely giving him all he needs, with apparently, no strings attached. This would be the average single man's dream. Now, if you are really interested in this guy and want to see where he stands with regard to your relationship, the ONLY way you will ever know is to get engaged, set a date,

and send invitations. (once the invitations are sent, it's pretty much a done deal) Other than that, you really won't know where he stands and how he really feels. In the mean time, Be exclusive to him and then let him know that you want the relationship to head towards marriage and see how he feels about it.

[pastdue]

OK, here's the deal. Your "boyfriend" is getting all of the GOOD sex he wants from you. He doesn't have to approach anyone at a bar or club and look for someone to have a one night stand with. This would take a ton of effort, especially if isn't the very best looking guy at the establishment. He doesn't have to be in competition with other men to pursue a potential pick-up. He's got it with you. Why would he jeopardize his good gig by getting all upset and jealous?

 

You are freely giving him all he needs, with apparently, no strings attached. This would be the average single man's dream. Now, if you are really interested in this guy and want to see where he stands with regard to your relationship, the ONLY way you will ever know is to get engaged, set a date,

and send invitations. (once the invitations are sent, it's pretty much a done deal) Other than that, you really won't know where he stands and how he really feels. In the mean time, Be exclusive to him and then let him know that you want the relationship to head towards marriage and see how he feels about it.

[stillafool]

Basically you are doing the same thing to this man that Playas do to women. You are a female Playa and he will put up with other men to hang on to you. You were honest with him about who you are and what you are so I can't put the blame on you for what you are doing. It really is up to him to answer your question as to why he hangs on. Have you asked him yet?

[WeAllMightBeNuts]

As the title says it, I admit to having a problem and have been trying to stop but can't.

When we first met he knew about my past and how I was a player during high school and college. Well I was single then and had ONS as well as FWB. It has nothing to do with having low self-esteem. I did it because I wanted to and felt like it (no problems in the family nor abuse).

 

Anyway I was surprised he didn't seem turned off by this at all and still wanted to date me. Currently he has caught me several times and yet seems unaffected. Ok is that reaction even normal??

 

I understand if it was just for sex he was dating me but it's been 14 months now. Can someone tell me what exactly he sees in me when I'm broken (I don't pay for my classes, but was given the scholarship so I have to maintain my GPA). Serious answers only not labels.

No, his reaction is not "normal". You know that already. That is why you even ask the question. You even answer some of your own questions. Your past "relationship guys" got upset or angry in the majority. Assuming the majority to be "normal"....then no, this person's behavior is not normal.

 

You have to recognize that your behavior is also not "normal". It is not typical for any female to desire multiple short term hook-ups. You know this as well, describing yourself as "broken".

 

He has issues. Self esteem or whatever.

 

You have issues as well. Don't care how wonderful your life has been to this point. You should also recognize your definition as "broken" is a nice and pretty way of saying that you are the abuser in the "relationship".

 

Think about how bizarre your situation and main question is:

 

"Why does he stay with me when he knows I'm a cheater?"

 

The very question is self recognition of reprehensible behavior. Yet you want to know why he stays more rather than why you behave in this manner. That's some bad stuff wired in your head to me.

 

Together, you are an enabling storm for each other waiting to explode. This is how those 48 Hours Murder Mysteries play out.

 

You have no business having anyone in your life exclusively.

[LauraP]

Laura it's great that you were honest up front

Yeah I don't like leading someone. If a guy wants to find a Ms goody-two-shoes, wholesome girl with few partners then obviously I'm not her. But what's funny is some of them are usually hypocritical studs themselves.

I would think he's accepted it and he really doesn't care. There are guys who are like that. I'm one of them....

Awesome

But usually it's an open relationship.

I heard of certain people doing that. I guess it's as great as commited relationships. None if better, just different.

[LauraP]

I don't think this is something that someone like you can get out of their system. You had all of college to do that and you still don't have it out?

I'm in my freshman year of college. I guess I might not to motivated to get it out of my system yet but think I can change when I get older.

Best to just stay away from commitment. And set your SO free so he can find happiness.

Come to think of it, I think this is a type of commitment. I haven't lasted this long so far. I was more into short term hook-ups.

[LauraP]

You are freely giving him all he needs, with apparently, no strings attached. This would be the average single man's dream. Now, if you are really interested in this guy and want to see where he stands with regard to your relationship, the ONLY way you will ever know is to get engaged, set a date,

and send invitations. (once the invitations are sent, it's pretty much a done deal) Other than that, you really won't know where he stands and how he really feels. In the mean time, Be exclusive to him and then let him know that you want the relationship to head towards marriage and see how he feels about it.

I don't want marriage. Well not at this moment. Haven't even thought about that (too young and I gotta finish college). Maybe later in my early 30's when it's already out of my system and I have my doctorate. Edited June 28, 2012 by LauraP

[LauraP]

I"m assuming you all don't live together, right?

No, we don't live together.

[ascendotum]

I was involved with a girl for almost a year.

 

I saw she was on dating websites when we were together. She visited ex's. I didn't bring it up and I didnt care because I had no feeling for her beyond wanting to f### her. I didn't love her or see a future. I had zero emotional investment in her.

 

I was bored and banging her was fun. Had someone come along that I wanted a relationship with in that year I would have dropped her like a hot rock as I knew she wasn't for me.

 

Edit. I meant to also say that I went out (casually) with other girls while we were together and had sex with a few as well.

 

Laura, I can relate to this ^, and it provides my take on your bf's apparent ambivalence to your on the side antics. I would guess you are a better **** then his past couple of gfs and a pleasant/fun girl to hang out with, and he is getting his needs met for the time being. I doubt very much if he day dreams about having the house, kids, dog & station wagon with you though.

[nofool4u]

I'm in my freshman year of college. I guess I might not to motivated to get it out of my system yet but think I can change when I get older.

Come to think of it, I think this is a type of commitment. I haven't lasted this long so far. I was more into short term hook-ups.

 

I'll say it again, set your SO free so he can find happiness and with someone that doesn't have the urge to cheat.

[nofool4u]

No, we don't live together.

 

Then this makes it easy for you to end it and set him free.

 

But something tells me you don't want him to be free. His happiness isn't a priority for you is it?

[drifter777]

LauraP: I think maybe you and everyone else are over-thinking this one. Always remember that with guys, it's all about SEX! He has his reasons for not caring if you boink other guys. Maybe he gets off on it like a cuckold thing or likes the fact that the two of you are just fu*k-buddies even though you think it might be something more. Anyway, he likes sex with you and that's why he's still around.

 

One more thing: whenever you start up with a new guy, don't tell them about your sexual past. At least not until you get to know him enough to decide whether this one might be Mr. Right. Most guys don't want to marry a girl with your extensive sexual past so maybe don't share so much.

[Joaquin]

Reading some of these posts really makes me wonder.

 

Laura love, your no doubt a great girl and a good f###.

 

This talk of cuckold s### really is out of the dark ages.

 

Laura, he doesn't care your riding this guy and that guy simply because he doesn't care about you in that way. He certainly doesnt love you. You are banker, a regular lay, a girl he can rely on. You are ideal for any guy that's still looking for the one.

 

I would guess that whats happening now is that your just realizing your with a guy that doesn't give a s###, and predictably for the type of girl you are, you've started wanting him more.

Edited June 29, 2012 by Joaquin

[CarboniteCammy]

By the time I was with my husband 12 months, I knew his favorite shirt, his shoe size, his favorite bands, what foods he liked, which ones he HATES, and I'd hung out with his family (including extended family like aunts, uncles, grandparents) probably seven or eight times. Then again, when we met, we kind of "knew" that we were it for each other.

 

I'm not saying that every serious relationship is like that, but most are.

 

If I were dating you and I caught you cheating once, you'd have been gone without a second thought. I'm guessing that probably you don't really know what all he's up to, and probably if he's caught you with other guys, he's probably been with other girls and you just don't know about it because he doesn't care enough to tell you.

 

Don't worry about why he does what he does. Just enjoy what you have with him.

 

Just be careful and use protection. The last thing you want is to get pregnant and NOT know who the dad is, or try to saddle this poor chump with the responsiblities of fatherhood just because he's the one that sticks around.

 

Also, and I'm sure you've been warned, it's really easy to catch STD's. Sometimes, condoms don't always even stop them and with as many people as you do, you could really spread some awful stuff to alot of people.

 

In your shoes, I'd get tested once every four months or so (three times a year) just to make sure you don't have anything serious that's going to affect your future fertility, should you decide that you want kids in the future. You could also get something fatal like AIDS, or Hep C, or genital warts (which can turn to cervical cancer).

Edited June 29, 2012 by CarboniteCammy

[LauraP]

You have to recognize that your behavior is also not "normal". It is not typical for any female to desire multiple short term hook-ups. You know this as well, describing yourself as "broken".

 

 

You have issues as well. Don't care how wonderful your life has been to this point. You should also recognize your definition as "broken" is a nice and pretty way of saying that you are the abuser in the "relationship".

Actually I meant broke as if not having money. Well I do but not too much (since I study, all I do is part time). Good thing I don't have to split the bill on our dates and usually is me deciding where I want to go. For instance, he knows very well not to take me to McDonalds. Only time I ever did pay was for his birthday or some real special ocassion. Otherwise, it's him paying.

[LauraP]

Just be careful and use protection. The last thing you want is to get pregnant and NOT know who the dad is, or try to saddle this poor chump with the responsiblities of fatherhood just because he's the one that sticks around.

Yes, it's always been with protection as well as birth control pills. Children is the last thing I would want. At least not until my 30's. But yes I do want kids one day, even if I were a single mother.

Also, and I'm sure you've been warned, it's really easy to catch STD's. Sometimes, condoms don't always even stop them and with as many people as you do, you could really spread some awful stuff to alot of people.

 

In your shoes, I'd get tested once every four months or so (three times a year) just to make sure you don't have anything serious that's going to affect your future fertility, should you decide that you want kids in the future. You could also get something fatal like AIDS, or Hep C, or genital warts (which can turn to cervical cancer).

I'm clean. Just go myself checked not so long ago and it's negative. I have never had sex without protection. I once ditched a guy that refused to wear a condom.