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my mother insinuates I'm fat


CailinPig

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To the OP-Your mom is just using you as an emotional punching bag, and will obviously criticize you even if you're thin. Find the strength to ignore (because reacting will just give her what she wants), or work your way out of the house. I wouldn't fight back like Eddie suggests, because these things can make a living situation worse. She will also be able to use your comebacks as ammo against you (ex: look at what kind of a daughter you are and I'm giving you a home).

 

Some moms think it's okay to put down their kids, but they will get the whole town on their side when they make it look like you're the bad daughter disrespecting them.

Edited by Seductive
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It sounds like she's not going to change. You'll have to choose between a)growing a thicker skin and learning to ignore her comments or b)finding a place to rent until you can get a mortgage.

 

I am wondering if your mother's behaviour will change whenever you move out and she discovers that you don't have to speak to her anymore if you don't want to.

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Mme. Chaucer

I don't think it's good for you to have the word "Pig" in your username. Don't internalize all this negative crap.

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My mother still says hurtful comments and I hardly see her anymore, I live in a different country. She has always had trouble relating to people, especially women. Unfortunately just because she is your mother, it doesn't make her a likeable person.

 

You shouldn't really be living at home at the age of 27 though OP. Part of growing up is finding your own feet in the world. It's great that you have a deposit but if you can't get a mortgage you should find a houseshare in the meantime. Time to do your own thing. You have probably outstayed your welcome at home anyways.

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iambookworm

My mom and relatives were all like that and I hated the feeling. So I ate more.

Eventually, I just realized that all I need is to love myself, and all those comments just flew by me. Whenever my mom would tell me I am still too big, I tell her, no worries, I am beautiful anyway.

Funny though, I am way bigger now that I was before but I feel more confident, and the more I feel confident, the more I feel prettier :)

It took me years to be able to do that. I hope you to get that stage soon :)

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Is your mother from a different country? Parents that were raised in cultures different from the ones in the west seem more blunt and less affectionate towards their children. My mother's friends are like that. They'll tell me I'm fat and what happened to me, because I gained 40 pounds in 2 months. I just tell them "Why are you so concerned with my fat? Worry about your fat and get a life" They usually shut up. My mom is hard to talk to also and I felt embarrassed to talk to her about my feelings. Showing emotion in my home is a sign of weakness...but I was so bothered by the comments being made all the time, and I talked to her and she responded well. I don't know if you're in the same situation, but your mom loves you a lot. Just remember that, and you're not fat. I'm also 5'5 but I weight 170. I had a nice body at 140, so don't worry.Your mother probably wants you to be skin and bones, so don't listen. We live in a society where curves are very much appreciated.

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I hope this helps. I have had similar issue growing up. Both my parents called me names and such. Now that I'm older, I just bitch right back! How would u react if a coworker or random stranger said something about your weight? Well I'd say I can always lose weight, but you'll always be ugly or stupid, or have that nose. Get the picture? Don't look at it as parenting, its bullying. And good luck with your diet!

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Well I'm still on my diet and now I'm

146pounds so I'm steadily losing weight. But my mam is never fully happy - she complains about the diet etc. But it's not the same snide remarks.

I don't get it. I obviously love her, she's my mother, and has many great qualities. But she has such a hurtful jeering side at times.

Anyway, I'm off on holidays on Monday so the bikini is coming out! Thanks for all ur helpful suggestions! Again re renting, I dot know how it is in other countries but renting in Ireland is seen as dead money so a lot of people stay home til they can buy their own house. No idea how it is elsewhere. My dream is to have my own house. Renting will diminish my monthly savings by over 50%. And I'd end up living in the same town too!

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Have you tried writing your mom a letter and leaving it on her dresser or something (to avoid embarrassing her)?

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Well I'm still on my diet and now I'm

146pounds so I'm steadily losing weight. But my mam is never fully happy - she complains about the diet etc. But it's not the same snide remarks.

I don't get it. I obviously love her, she's my mother, and has many great qualities. But she has such a hurtful jeering side at times.

Anyway, I'm off on holidays on Monday so the bikini is coming out! Thanks for all ur helpful suggestions! Again re renting, I dot know how it is in other countries but renting in Ireland is seen as dead money so a lot of people stay home til they can buy their own house. No idea how it is elsewhere. My dream is to have my own house. Renting will diminish my monthly savings by over 50%. And I'd end up living in the same town too!

 

Have you ever thought about telling her that she is aging badly and her boobs are sagging ?

She deffinitely thought of this. :)

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No, two wrongs don't make a right. I love my mam, at the end of the day. But thanks for your advice anyways :) :)

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CailingPig-I think it's best to realize that your mom is very insecure about herself. She's taking it out on you, because kids are the easiest people for parents to take their issues out on. It's sad, but true. If your mom was happy with herself, she wouldn't feel the need to comment on your body.

 

My mom has stopped making weight comments to me, but that's ONLY b/c she knew I ended up being on the verge of hurting myself. It sounds extreme, but I confessed to her one day "I feel like cutting, throwing up and dying when you make comments about my weight. You pressure me to get married, but how can I get married if I'm obsessing over my weight and punishing my body?" That was the only thing that shut her up. It's true that verbal criticism over time will wear and beat a person down. Telling her "My feelings hurt when you say things like that" or "I don't want to talk about my weight" didn't work with my mom. Insulting her looks back didn't work either, because she was able to use it against me. It made me look like the rude daughter by insulting her looks.

 

Surround yourself with positive people that are able to support and validate you. You seem to be a healthy weight. If you find good people to hang out with, they will balance the negative remarks from your mom.

 

 

@Emilia

 

"You have probably outstayed your welcome at home anyways. "

 

Believe it or not, some parents desperately want their adult children to live with them forever. My mom didn't talk to me for a week when I told her I was moving out. She would be thrilled if I gave up my independence and decided to give my power back to her. She's from India, so she feels that good adult Indian women are submissive and do everything that their parents tell them to do. There's no concept of being an independent adult in her eyes. She guilts me for being "too Americanized", but being in charge of my own life is what makes me happy.

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She probably doesn't want to see you waste your good dating years being a fatty. Anyone who's overweight is basically asking not to be loved.

 

I wish my parents had been more honest with me.

Edited by Bob_Funk
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She probably doesn't want to see you waste your good dating years being a fatty. Anyone who's overweight is basically asking not to be loved.

 

I wish my parents had been more honest with me.

 

How we do know that the OP looks "fat" or overweight though? I have a friend that weighs heavy, but she's proportioned and looks curvaciou like Christina Hendricks. Men and women find my friend very attractive. Her last boyfriend was built and had a trim body.

 

Weight alone isn't everything to me. I have to see how the person looks and how they carry their weight.

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  • 2 weeks later...
capricorndreamgurl3

I know that this sound harsh, but if you are old enough and can afford to, MOVE OUT ASAP. Your mother is toxic and is a bad mother to be doing this to you. A good mother is supposed to shape your self esteem and make you feel good about yourself, NOT tear you down. Secondly, don't let your mother's words make you feel bad. It is apparent that she feels bad about herself, so she has to cut you down to make herself feel better. That my friend is being a bully. You don't need to take her crap anymore. You need to limit as much contact with her as you can. A real mother doesn't do stuff like that to their child.

 

Both of my parents have done that to me in the past. They told me that I was chubby and that I needed to lose my gut and do more sit ups. I became anorexic as a result of it. Even when I was very skinny, I thought I was very fat and that I needed to do crunches to get rid of my gut. I wanted my parents to think that I was beautiful, and they did and they didn't seem to have a problem that I was hurting myself because they thought I looked great. I am fine now and out of the house. I am slightly overweight now, but I am happier and I am not trying to do anything bad to myself for anyone's approval. Neither should you. Use my story as a cautionary tale and do not give a rat's butt about what your mother thinks of you. We are all beautiful how God made us. If you want to lose weight, please do it for YOU, NOT your mother. I hope that things get better soon and good luck!

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I am sorry this is happening to you.

 

Try to disassociate yourself a bit from all of them that are being cruel & then, you'll find out truly if they even care for you.

 

I have done this countless times especially to people who I thought were my "friends" & boyfriends too.

 

I found out in the end who really cared & who didn't... your life is yours & yours alone.

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