What the hell is he saying? I love you, you're perfect, now change!

[Stargazer25]

 

 

This just gets on my nerves~ I'm wondering what other people thought about it~

 

Why is it that sometimes when you meet a guy they are so attracted to you for how you appear or look to them~ then once you're in the relationship he is trippin, telling you he thinks you're too thin, you're to this or that... just very critical~

 

I know that my bf was just an ass about this, and i'm sure it's because of his issues, because he is controlling, but he went so far as to tell me that he didn't like me to get my nails done, or my hair highlighted, he even OMG told me that for my small size 5'5 that my boobs are too big!

 

Uggghhh!!! My sisters husband is this way as well~ told her she was "more attractive" this way or that~ essentially wanting her to wear sweat pants, a big ol tshirt with fuzzy slippers and have her hair in a damn snarl so no guy would look at her, and he was busy checking out all the girls who still took care of themselves!

 

Do you think that when a guy is telling you that all the things he used to be so damn attracted to in your physical apperance need to change, like down play them because he is just being an insecure jackass? Ugh it just eats me up!

[julsfla]

Sounds to me, like he wants to ensure that you dont look attractive to other men and if you dress like he**, your self-esteem will be low and you will be more likely to avoid other men and there is less chance of finding someone better than him.

 

Your man should be proud that he is with someone who is attractive, and dresses nice. If he trats her right, he could sit back and be proud you are his when other men find you attractive. because if he does trat you right, you wont care about any other man but him.

 

Dont let anyone bring you down!

[Stargazer25]

 

 

Juls, ^5 and amen to that sister!

 

I told him the same thing, that he was only being such a critical ass because of his insecurity.

 

That he should be proud of me and stop acting like this~ he of course denies that this is the reason he does it, but I know better;)

 

Thanks for the response!

[moimeme]

Stargazer

 

From your other posts, it is clear that you are in an abusive relationship that you should leave. You have already been told that it's not a good idea to keep trying to fix this or fix the relationship. Why, then, are you continuing to post about him and his issues? He is a bad deal. Quit trying to figure this guy out because you'll end up very sorry if you stay with him.

 

Girl, WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mr Spock]

That's not fair moimeme, you're not the posting police-she can post about whatever she wants here.

 

When she's had enough, she'll leave. Not until she's ready. Until then, loveshack can be a place for her to vent and get feedback....

 

 

But he does sound like a wee bit of an ass.

[Stargazer25]

[font=arial][/font]

 

Moi,

 

I'm sorry if my posting offends you, I wasn't trying to find out IF I should leave him, I was wondering if anyone else had this happen to them and what they thought of it, and actually because it made me feel a lot better to know that other people think it is an issue regardless IF was my boyfriend or not~

 

Should I just stop posting all together? I feel like you are watching me, reading into everything that I say and deeming it to mean that I haven't "woken up" to what has happened to me in my own life. I just like to come on here and get opinions on various things and help out if I can as well.

 

All my post do not revolve around him~ right now I was just looking for some conversation to help me get through what i'm dealing with, and it isn't about making him right, its about making me right~ hence it was good to know other people thought that ANYONE who said such things including my sisters husband was wrong.

 

This was my one outlet, that I felt I could say what I wanted to and not be constantly reminded that i'm wrong for asking things or feeling things.

 

Thank you Spock for your response anyway, he really is an ass and i've done what i'm okay with right now which is not seeing him~

 

Sorry again Moi, I will stop posting because now it doesn't really feel like fun or getting help now it just feels like no matter what I say or don't say it somehow becomes about him.

[Mr Spock]

Well I've stopped posting on my MM (except for an update today) because I felt it was allowing me to obsess continually-so I've been posting alot, but not about my own problems. I did today because I was feeling especially sad, being trapped at work whilst my MM (who dumped me)gets to go off with his kids and wife camping for the long weekend. It's a bitch, and I'm bitter and I want to **** up his life.

 

So keep posting, it doesn't necessarily have you be about YOU. take time to read through the stuff on here...it's therapy in itself.

[moimeme]

I'm sorry if my posting offends you

 

No, I'm sorry for giving you that impression. That's not it at all. I'm just worried that you're planning to stick with him and trying to figure out how.

 

I wasn't trying to find out IF I should leave him, I was wondering if anyone else had this happen to them and what they thought of it, and actually because it made me feel a lot better to know that other people think it is an issue regardless IF was my boyfriend or not~

 

Understood.

 

Should I just stop posting all together?

 

Absolutely not!!!

 

I just like to come on here and get opinions on various things and help out if I can as well.

 

That's fine, of course, and by all means continue. It's just every now and then we get a poster that keeps trying to run directly off a cliff, no matter how many people warn her. In the case of abuse, there is a lot more at stake, including the person's own safety. I was afraid for you. Didn't mean to sound so grumpy about it, though!

[dudesomewhere]

you should be listening to moi...I haven't paid attention or maybe haven't read any of your previous posts...but regardless what you have here is an example of a manipulator. Guys like him try to see whatever number of ways they come up with to slowly break a woman down and...control them.

 

You sort of see it but also seem to want to deny that fact. If I probably went and read some of your older posts regading this guy it would most likely reinforce that idea.

 

So yeah, he's a manipulator and yeah it is all about him, whether you see that or not. Question to ask yourself is do you want to be in a relationship where you are seen as the lesser of 2 people or in one where you are equals. I prefer the equals thing myself