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[Delorean]

I'm in such a mess of a situation and don't know what to do next....

 

I badly want the mother of my little 10month old baby girl back and to be a family again. We split three months ago, it was her decision initially the. She backtracked and wanted me back but I said no over and over again, got another house and tried to move on. We fought about so many things and I wanted her to come to me with a plan to change things but it never happened.

 

She from another country in the UK and we met where I'm from while she was living over there. We moved in together and she got pregnant soon after, unfortunately we lost the baby but not long after she got pregnant again and we were overjoyed. She told me she wanted to move back home and her parents bought a house for us and done it up how we wanted and the plan was that I'd buy it off them when the time was right. If I'm making excuses I think moving away from family and friends doubled up with being a first time dad stressed me out. I didn't settle well in our new town and it affected our relationship. Looking back I made no effort in our relationship and slept on the couch every night. We didn't make any time for ourselves and didn't do anything apart from work, come home and barely speak. I regret it so much. I did nothing to make her feel loved and special. We haven't slept together since our girl was born and haven't even had a social drink together in 19months. I had tunnel vision and thought she was the problem and not me. We'd argue and I'd always throw the move back in her face, saying I done this all for you.

 

So during the first month of us being apart she would text and plead for me to come back saying she loved me so much and just wanted her family together. I kept saying no and we need to try time apart. I wish I could go back and change it and go back to her. A few weeks ago I had to fly home as my grandfather was ill and unfortunately he passed away. He was like a father to me and we were very close. He and my grandmother were married for over 50 years and the last thing he said to me was to sort my family out, coincidentally as I was home my ex was also over in the country seeing friends. She text me and said she had met someone else and not to go to a certain bar as she would be there and it would be awkward. So losing my hero and her moving it both hit me like a ton Of bricks and give me the massive kick up the backside I needed. My tunnel vision opened up and I only then realised what I fool I'd been, how I treated her and that my family is the most important thing in life. It really feels like I've fallen in love with her all over again. So the night she went out with this guy I panicked and felt physically sick with jealousy. I called and text her tons of times and told her I loved her. She ignored me pretty much but sent a text saying she's just having fun and we'll talk when we're both back home. So when I fly back I go over to see my baby girl and broke down and cried and begged her to take me back and promised I'd change everything. She rolled her eyes about me changing and said there was only so much begging for me back she could do and forced herself to move on from me. I hurt her so much and feel terrible. I truly hate the way I acted, she said to give her time to think and not pester her.

 

So, my next visit I acted differently after just reading up and how to win her back. I went over as cool as I could be, as we were chatting I sent texts from my phone with a smile on my face and she asked who I was texting, I told her just a friend etc. I didn't want to appear needy and this visit went much better. As I left I grabbed her for a hug and she jokingly told me to get off. She text and said I should come over on my day off and spend time with our daughter while she went to work, something she's never done before, usually I'd only get a few hours a week with my little girl and only when she was there too. My daughter was ill with a bug and my ex had to come home early from work after catching the bug too. While she was away I cleaned the house and did her washing to help her out. She went to bed and I stayed on looking after our baby. After putting her to bed I sat with my ex and stroked her arm as she lay there. She didn't try to stop me. All I wanted was to look after her and hold her but I held back. After I left she text to say thanks for everything and asked me to come on Sunday and look after our baby again while she went to work. She also said she was going away for the weekend in a few weeks and to come stay at the house and look after our baby while she was away. I'm really happy to be getting closer to my baby again but the missing piece is my ex. I really want to make amends and show her I know what went wrong and I know how to fix it. I want to treat her like gold and give her all my love and affection. I want to marry her and be a family and wake up to my girls everyday.

 

With the other guy she says it's just a bit of fun, not serious, and she doesnt plan on taking things further with him. I see her put things on his Facebook and he just ignored them. It says they are in a relationship but she swears its a joke because he's a player etc.

 

I'm really confused and don't know what to do next. I don't know if she will have me back and is making me suffer, like I made her suffer. I deserve all of this but just wish she would believe me about changing everything. I want to grow old with her and watch our little angel grow up. I want to be the family man I should have been. I do t want to give up on this but I'm not sure hows she's feeling or what to do next...

 

Sorry I've went on a lot but just wanted all the detail there. Please advise me on how to get my family back.

[Delorean]

Just want to add a few things....

 

She said the other guy makes her feel good about herself, something I failed miserably at, especially after having our baby. Given another chance I'd make sure she would feel the most loved and appreciated woman in the world. I know this guy has a player reputation and she probably enjoys the challenge of him, I understand the thrill of someone new but he's not her future...

 

She struggles financially and I want to just look after her for life. If and when we get back she can quit her job and focus on being a full time mum. I'm being promoted again soon and can definitely afford to buy the house of her parents, going back to the plan. I never talked to her mum since I left but always wanted to, I sent a text a few weeks ago saying how sorry I was for all that happened and I want to fix everything. She replied that she didn't know why I left but was sorry it happened. Having to pay the mortgage is putting a burden on her parents and I feel terrible, not many parents do so much to make a move so easy. The house they done for us is beautiful.

 

It all makes sense. Our daughter has her mum and dad in her life everyday. Her parents sell the house to me, my ex doesn't need to struggle etc but I know that doesn't fix the hurt I caused. I really wish she would understand how much I regret and want to fix it all. She feels it's only because she met someone that I've wanted her. It's partly true as it give me the push I needed but I really want her to know Ill be the perfect partner and dad.

 

What do I do?

[Beaker78]

You need to back away a bit tbh let her do her thing you just need to be a father to your child just now it's really all u can do......

When the time is right if she wants too she will take u back you should start by just leaving when your ex returns from work have as much LC without it affecting your ability to see your child. Concentrate on being the best father u can be for your child sake and not your ex's

[Delorean]

Thanks for your reply:)

 

I'm not sure if backing off would confuse her or not. Part of me thinks that she thinks I'm just being jealous, and don't want her with someone else but also not with me. She randomly showed at my work today just to tell me that I'll see my daughter this Sunday, which I already knew. Makes me think she just wanted to see me. She was working in the same street as me today and called me when she got off, I couldn't answer but text saying what was up? She just said it doesn't matter. She's text me just asking a random question about discount of perfume, again something she never used to do.

 

I'm hopeless at psychological games and feel I should strike while the irons hot, but don't want to make a mess of it by doing so. I just sent her a card from my daughter saying what a brilliant mummy she is. Don't know if I should've or not. Really confused on what to do.....

 

 

I'm really loving the extra time Im getting with my daughter and I can feel me getting closer to her again (my daughter).

[Delorean]

Well I suppose I got a little closure today. She knew something was up to me so I told her what I wanted and my plans but she said hasn't even had the time to think and she needs the opportunity I gave myself, get a clear head and know what she wants. She's happy at the moment and just resdicovering her old self and it may take her a week, a month, or six months to know what she truly wants. Said if I need to see other people I should.

 

Gutted