Ross MwcFan Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Especially if I think one might fancy me. I don't understand it, they're just harmless people (well, most of them). Link to post Share on other sites
ptp Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Ross, I don't blame yea. Cause they are scary little creatures, but once you get your hands on one they are fun to squeeze. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Because you think they have higher standing than you just because they are women...or just because they are pretty... Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Because you are afraid of the unknown and of change, just like most people. Opening yourself up to a girl = change, no matter her reaction. If she rejects you, it will hurt. If she accepts you, your priorities, habits, routines are all open to change. Sometimes we are comfortable in the pain we know, even while wishing it would go away. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross MwcFan Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 Yeah, I feel scared, intimidated, unbelievably self concious, and as though I come across like an idiot. This is probably going to be the main thing that will stop me from getting one. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 It's normal to be afraid or at least hesitant, if you don't have much experience in something. The initial hurdle is always the toughest, though. Stick it through, Ross. We'll be rooting for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 First off Ross.. Women are not harmless... It's all about being comfortable enough in your own skin to drop your guard and just have a conversation. The more you do it the easier it gets. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Possibly because you want them to like you and want a relationship, so create a vicous circle. maybe realize that they are no better\worse, each has their flaws just like you. Maybe if you stop caring what other people think about you and concentrate on what you think about you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Ross, I often felt the same way about women in the past. Just try to not overthink so much when it comes to them and treat them normally. It's ok to be scared, but don't allow the thought of women to mentally paralyze you like this. It won't be the main issue if you gain control of yourself and stop allowing it to be. It takes time, but it's not something you can't do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross MwcFan Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 Ross, I often felt the same way about women in the past. Just try to not overthink so much when it comes to them and treat them normally. It's ok to be scared, but don't allow the thought of women to mentally paralyze you like this. It won't be the main issue if you gain control of yourself and stop allowing it to be. It takes time, but it's not something you can't do. I know, I believe it's something that I can work on. All I need to do is to be around them more, and be in social situations where I will end up having conversations with them. If I stick at it, it'll get easier and I will feel better when I'm around them. But right now it's very hard to do that with no job and no social life. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 That's a good start. The key is believing. As long as you're aware of what the issue is and what needs to be done, it'll only be a matter of time before you're immune to the idea of women. It'll take work, no doubt, but it's all worth it in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Your question is impossible to answer and to be honest I don't understand why people phrase questions like that. It's like you're assuming we can look into your mind and give you answers about yourself. That's just rediculous. However to partially answer your question based on my experience it's because you have too high standards for yourself. You're looking for perfection which doesn't exist. We're all basically groping around in the dark trying to figure things out and pretending otherwise. I'd also add that you're probably putting the cart before the horse, you don't wait to get rid of the fear and then approach women it's the other way around. That's never going to happen, ever. The fear reduces the more you just let it be there and do it anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross MwcFan Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 Your question is impossible to answer and to be honest I don't understand why people phrase questions like that. It's like you're assuming we can look into your mind and give you answers about yourself. That's just rediculous. However to partially answer your question based on my experience it's because you have too high standards for yourself. You're looking for perfection which doesn't exist. We're all basically groping around in the dark trying to figure things out and pretending otherwise. I'd also add that you're probably putting the cart before the horse, you don't wait to get rid of the fear and then approach women it's the other way around. That's never going to happen, ever. The fear reduces the more you just let it be there and do it anyway. I guess it was kind of more of a statement. Something that I wanted to get off my chest. I'm not sure what you mean about the high standards thing. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Don't worry about worrying so much. If you can accept being scared, alarmed, hurt, confused, intimidated more comfortably, you'll find life easier. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NXS Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I'm not sure what you mean about the high standards thing. What I mean is that you see a woman who may be attracted to you and you start thinking about how you should behave, talk etc. You build it up in your mind to such a degree that it's crippling and then punish yourself for not achieving this. Link to post Share on other sites
Meeks7 Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 I know, I believe it's something that I can work on. All I need to do is to be around them more, and be in social situations where I will end up having conversations with them. If I stick at it, it'll get easier and I will feel better when I'm around them. But right now it's very hard to do that with no job and no social life. So, either A. Get a job or/and B. Get a social life What steps are you currently taking to see that A or B will be met? Many people talk, few actually do. And then they end up saying "I know, I believe it's something that I can work on. All I need to do is ....." 1 year later, 2 years later, 3 years later... Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 You're scared of women because your level of self-acceptance is low and the last thing you need is a desirable, pretty woman confirming how you feel about yourself. You would be less scared of them if you felt better about yourself, which would make you a bit impervious to the opinions of someone who doesn't even know you. You need self-belief. That comes from accomplishing things that have little to do with women. It's a pre-requisite. You said you can rationalize that women are harmless, which is true, they are. But in reality they have a lot of power over you and could injure your psyche even without really trying. That's a bit terrifying. You need to get to a point where you believe in yourself before you can withstand the storm of emotions that come from getting involved with a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Because they eat hearts. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Because they eat hearts. Lovely image somedude 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Somewhere along the line you must have learnt to associate women with fear. Do you have fears of rejection, abandonment, insecurities or committment issues? You would then associate these fears with women. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 you seem to not have been brought up with sisters, i can tell which guys have or not, the haves are more relaxed and friendly Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross MwcFan Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 (edited) So, either A. Get a job or/and B. Get a social life What steps are you currently taking to see that A or B will be met? Many people talk, few actually do. And then they end up saying "I know, I believe it's something that I can work on. All I need to do is ....." 1 year later, 2 years later, 3 years later... I'm working on myself. And hopefully one day I'll feel comfortable enough to try voluntary work. I feel a lot more comfortable with the thought than how I did one or two years ago. But putting pressure on me telling me how the years are passing by doesn't help at all, (this is what my therapist has done a few times, and when I catch myself thinking like this I have to stop myself) as it just makes me feel worried, anxious and depressed, which just isn't a good frame of mind to be in at all for trying to push myself out of my comfort zone, it just actually makes it a lot harder. Edited June 23, 2012 by Ross MwcFan Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross MwcFan Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 you seem to not have been brought up with sisters, i can tell which guys have or not, the haves are more relaxed and friendly I grew up with one sister. I think maybe my issues stem from being brought up by a cold, overbearing, dominating, controlling mother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ross MwcFan Posted June 23, 2012 Author Share Posted June 23, 2012 Somewhere along the line you must have learnt to associate women with fear. Do you have fears of rejection, abandonment, insecurities or committment issues? You would then associate these fears with women. I don't think I have any of those fears. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Scared of feeling loved cos it's something you've not felt before? Sure there is no fear of rejection/abandonment? I think most of us fear it to varying degrees. I don't think I have any of those fears. Link to post Share on other sites
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