Why am I so scared of girls?

[Ross MwcFan]

Scared of feeling loved cos it's something you've not felt before?

 

It's not really that as I'm scared of pretty much any girls, ones that don't even know me and where there is pretty much zero chance of them ever loving me.

 

And I'm already loved by someone, and I feel fine with it.

 

Sure there is no fear of rejection/abandonment? I think most of us fear it to varying degrees.

 

If it's someone who I've just met and as long as they're not rude about it, I don't think it would effect me.

 

But if I was actually together with someone, and then they rejected me as in they wanted to split up, that would hurt. I guess I do sometimes worry about being abandoned.

[Meeks7]

I'm working on myself. And hopefully one day I'll feel comfortable enough to try voluntary work. I feel a lot more comfortable with the thought than how I did one or two years ago.

 

But putting pressure on me telling me how the years are passing by doesn't help at all, (this is what my therapist has done a few times, and when I catch myself thinking like this I have to stop myself) as it just makes me feel worried, anxious and depressed, which just isn't a good frame of mind to be in at all for trying to push myself out of my comfort zone, it just actually makes it a lot harder.

 

Well #1 I apologize if my post came off a bit harshly; that certainly wasn't my intent but in retrospect I can see how you interpreted it that way.

 

But I gotta be real with you. YOU HAVE IT IN YOU. I know this because I believe everyone has it in them. As someone who was once very anxious, very fearful of anything outside my SMALL comfort zone, and now I have a stable job and a gorgeous girlfriend, it is possible to get to where you want to be.

 

And you're right, it all starts with the mind. The mind is a powerful tool. When used right, it can propel you to places beyond your wildest imagination.

 

On the flip side, when used wrongly, it can crush anyone's spirit.

 

That's great that you're taking steps forward but I challenge you to go beyond this:

 

 

I'm working on myself. And hopefully one day I'll feel comfortable enough to try voluntary work. I feel a lot more comfortable with the thought than how I did one or two years ago.

 

Thoughts are a good start, like I said.

But thoughts need to turn into ACTION. It's true all throughout history. Everyone likes to dream. Not everyone however overcomes their fear to achieve their dreams.

 

You really do have IT in you, you know? You just need to take action. The first step is always the scariest. But there's absolutely NOTHING stopping you BUT YOU.

 

You could email an volunteering coordinator right now and say "Hi, I'm interested in helping out for the ___ event on ____. Is there room left for me to sign up?"

 

Then you're on your way. Then the date comes, and you attend.

 

Once you get the first one out of the way, you'll see bigger changes.

 

Thoughts are nice, but staying only thoughts does you no good.

 

It's true that when people step out of the boat, they sometimes find themselves walking on water.

 

YOU JUST GOTTA GET OUT OF THE BOAT. No excuses. It's all in your head.

[Ross MwcFan]

Well #1 I apologize if my post came off a bit harshly; that certainly wasn't my intent but in retrospect I can see how you interpreted it that way.

 

But I gotta be real with you. YOU HAVE IT IN YOU. I know this because I believe everyone has it in them. As someone who was once very anxious, very fearful of anything outside my SMALL comfort zone, and now I have a stable job and a gorgeous girlfriend, it is possible to get to where you want to be.

 

And you're right, it all starts with the mind. The mind is a powerful tool. When used right, it can propel you to places beyond your wildest imagination.

 

On the flip side, when used wrongly, it can crush anyone's spirit.

 

That's great that you're taking steps forward but I challenge you to go beyond this:

 

 

 

 

Thoughts are a good start, like I said.

But thoughts need to turn into ACTION. It's true all throughout history. Everyone likes to dream. Not everyone however overcomes their fear to achieve their dreams.

 

You really do have IT in you, you know? You just need to take action. The first step is always the scariest. But there's absolutely NOTHING stopping you BUT YOU.

 

You could email an volunteering coordinator right now and say "Hi, I'm interested in helping out for the ___ event on ____. Is there room left for me to sign up?"

 

Then you're on your way. Then the date comes, and you attend.

 

Once you get the first one out of the way, you'll see bigger changes.

 

Thoughts are nice, but staying only thoughts does you no good.

 

It's true that when people step out of the boat, they sometimes find themselves walking on water.

 

YOU JUST GOTTA GET OUT OF THE BOAT. No excuses. It's all in your head.

 

I know. I am actually progressing and moving forward, and I have made a LOT of progress over the last 4 or 5 years, it's just at a very very slow pace since that's all I can handle.

 

I have already rang the place up, they said that all I need to do is to go over there, go in the main building, bring some ID and fill in a form.

 

I was feeling close to having enough strength to do this (it's not just doing voluntary work that worries me, but driving there and back, since I'm not familiar with the route and I do still have issues with driving), but then my ears ended up blocked which means not only have I got this god awful uncomfortable feeling in my ears all the time, but I can't hear anything properly either, so that has totally put me off, and I've had this problem for weeks. I'll be seeing a nurse to get them sorted out in a couple of weeks.

Edited June 23, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[Meeks7]

I know. I am actually progressing and moving forward, and I have made a LOT of progress over the last 4 or 5 years, it's just at a very very slow pace since that's all I can handle.

 

I have already rang the place up, they said that all I need to do is to go over there, go in the main building, bring some ID and fill in a form.

 

I was feeling close to having enough strength to do this (it's not just doing voluntary work that worries me, but driving there and back, since I'm not familiar with the route and I do still have issues with driving), but then my ears ended up blocked which means not only have I got this god awful uncomfortable feeling in my ears all the time, but I can't hear anything properly either, so that has totally put me off, and I've had this problem for weeks. I'll be seeing a nurse to get them sorted out in a couple of weeks.

 

I hope you don't have tinnitus.

 

But good job on getting the ball rolling.

 

One thing I learned, whatever you do, keep the momentum rolling. I used to get the ball rolling a little bit, then I'd be happy with my small progress, then I'd stop. Next thing I know, I've been in the same position for 8 months, a year, year and a half.

 

Don't let that form sit still. Drive there, fill it out. If you're unfamiliar with the route get GPS (if you don't already have it). My direction is CRAP, and I always used to get lost driving anywhere I never been once before. It was seriously ridiculous. I got lost all the time.

 

Once I got a GPS, I haven't once gotten lost. Best invention ever since the telephone.

[Ross MwcFan]

I hope you don't have tinnitus.

 

But good job on getting the ball rolling.

 

One thing I learned, whatever you do, keep the momentum rolling. I used to get the ball rolling a little bit, then I'd be happy with my small progress, then I'd stop. Next thing I know, I've been in the same position for 8 months, a year, year and a half.

 

Don't let that form sit still. Drive there, fill it out. If you're unfamiliar with the route get GPS (if you don't already have it). My direction is CRAP, and I always used to get lost driving anywhere I never been once before. It was seriously ridiculous. I got lost all the time.

 

Once I got a GPS, I haven't once gotten lost. Best invention ever since the telephone.

 

Nah it's not tinnitus, they're just blocked with wax, it's wearing ear plugs every night which has caused it.

 

I know my way there (I think), I'm just very unconfident with driving there, since there's going to be multilanes that join onto a roundabout and stuff.

 

I have thought about getting a GPS, and I'll definatley get one one day.

[Meeks7]

I know my way there (I think), I'm just very unconfident with driving there, since there's going to be multilanes that join onto a roundabout and stuff.

 

I have thought about getting a GPS, and I'll definatley get one one day.

 

Yeah, multi-lanes scare me, too. Still do, in fact. But with GPS, oh my goodness, Ross, you don't know what you're missing out on! Seriously, it was made for guys like you and me. The day you get GPS is the day your life changes. I'm serious. Your anxiety will drop a TON, because the lady's voice tells you precisely when to turn and onto which street.

 

Check your local Goodwill store. You can probably find one for $80. Trust me, don't wait to pick up a GPS. Not picking one up ASAP is like a homeless man denying a steak dinner -- it just wouldn't make any sense.

[Silly_Girl]

Especially if I think one might fancy me.

 

I don't understand it, they're just harmless people (well, most of them).

 

Lots of people (most people?) are walking around with social anxieties and can be super-sensitive with regards the opposite sex.

 

In my view, if you fancy a girl, the worst that can happen is that she doesn't fancy you. And that's cool. You know the odds, and rationally you know there'll be girls who fancy you who you wouldn't look twice at, and girls you like for whom you're not their cup of tea.

 

Most girls-slash-people want to be liked (not sexually, just in the amicable sense) and most people will make an effort when they see someone making an effort with them. People inherently need to feel liked and if you can find it in yourself to act in a friendly manner towards all people then I think there are rewards to be reaped. I used to avoid ALL contact with strangers and it affected my social life, my work life and potential relationships. Small steps can go a long way though. You seem like someone people would enjoy interacting with.

[Meeks7]

Ross did you pick up the form yet, or a GPS?

 

If not, when do you plan to do either?

 

Please don't say "one day" because being vague is not good. Be specific. Tomorrow. Next Monday, etc.

 

I don't know why you would delay buying a GPS. It's only $80 and would help to alleviate much of your driving anxiety. Please don't be like a certain other poster whose name ends in "81" where you just talk hot air, but never actually do it.

[Eclypse]

I'm still undecided on the usefulness of GPS. On the one hand it would be useful to stop having to pull over and keep checking the map. However from somewhere I read using sat nav always is not good as you end up relying on it. You become unable to remember routes as you rely on the voice to guide you, rather than use landmarks and the such. This may not be good for Ross. What if he ends up losing it or it breaks? Plus people are more likely to break into your car when they see the suction cup marks in it.

 

However gps in itself is useful. Numerous times when I've been lost in a new area I will check my location on my phone gps and get my bearings. Just don't rely on it. Map reading is a useful skill. And besides, people got on fine without these gizmos 20 years ago.

[Meeks7]

I'm still undecided on the usefulness of GPS. On the one hand it would be useful to stop having to pull over and keep checking the map. However from somewhere I read using sat nav always is not good as you end up relying on it. You become unable to remember routes as you rely on the voice to guide you, rather than use landmarks and the such. This may not be good for Ross. What if he ends up losing it or it breaks? Plus people are more likely to break into your car when they see the suction cup marks in it.

 

Sorry but I disagree with this portion severely. Don't scare Ross off buying one. I haven't found my direction to be any worse since I got a GPS. If anything, it's gotten slightly better thanks to the GPS acting as a security blanket, in case I do take a wrong turn it will redirect you and then you store that in your memory.

 

Also, I never put the GPS on the window. I just keep it in my cup holder part, so no suction cup marks on my window. After I'm finished with GPS and I park, I put it in the glove compartment. No problems whatsoever so far.

[Ross MwcFan]

Ross did you pick up the form yet, or a GPS?

 

If not, when do you plan to do either?

 

Please don't say "one day" because being vague is not good. Be specific. Tomorrow. Next Monday, etc.

 

I don't know why you would delay buying a GPS. It's only $80 and would help to alleviate much of your driving anxiety. Please don't be like a certain other poster whose name ends in "81" where you just talk hot air, but never actually do it.

 

After I've got my ear sorted out. I'm not going to plan on the exact day I'll do it because then I'll just feel anxiety about it a lot of the time, so it'll happen when it'll happen, hopefully not too long after I've had my ear sorted out.

[Ross MwcFan]

Lots of people (most people?) are walking around with social anxieties and can be super-sensitive with regards the opposite sex.

 

In my view, if you fancy a girl, the worst that can happen is that she doesn't fancy you. And that's cool. You know the odds, and rationally you know there'll be girls who fancy you who you wouldn't look twice at, and girls you like for whom you're not their cup of tea.

 

Most girls-slash-people want to be liked (not sexually, just in the amicable sense) and most people will make an effort when they see someone making an effort with them. People inherently need to feel liked and if you can find it in yourself to act in a friendly manner towards all people then I think there are rewards to be reaped. I used to avoid ALL contact with strangers and it affected my social life, my work life and potential relationships. Small steps can go a long way though. You seem like someone people would enjoy interacting with.

 

Thanks.

 

Unfotunatley, when I used to socialise, and when I was at school or worked, not many people were interested in interacting with me, but most of these people weren't really what you'd class as genuine nice people, they all had attitudes and stuck to their own kind, so that's probably why.

 

If I was around genuine nice people like myself, then maybe a lot of them would enjoy interacting with me.

[ON MY OWN]

Like you have said Ross, people who are genuine are going to be nice to you. If people act rude, they arent worth communicating with anyhow. Quality not quantity is important in friendship and love.

Edited June 26, 2012 by ON MY OWN

[Kevin_Bacon]

your a pussy, woman sucks stay away from thim they will rip you apart

[Ross MwcFan]

your a pussy, woman sucks stay away from thim they will rip you apart

 

I know.

 

Got any tips on how I can become a real man like yourself?

[Els]

...Wait, you can get GPS for $80, seriously? I'd better start checking it out. I was under the impression that it ran at thousands of dollars. I need to drive the same route, like, 5 times to get it memorized, and mostly run on paper maps. GPS would be a huge help.

[Mr Scorpio]

I don't know why you would delay buying a GPS. It's only $80 and would help to alleviate much of your driving anxiety. Please don't be like a certain other poster whose name ends in "81" where you just talk hot air, but never actually do it.

 

Please allow me to preface my comment by pointing out that I appreciate your taking the time to support OP in his journey to become a stronger person.

 

That being said, OP noted that he doesn't have a job. Therefore, $80 might mean a lot more to him than it does to you. I point this out because 1) I personally don't make a lot of money and 2) I see a lot of users on this site offering advice that takes money to implement (e.g. -- get some new clothes, take a vacation, redecorate your apartment).

 

I don't mean to come on you for the advice. I think it is good support you are offering him. At the same time, for me, $80 is almost two-weeks worth of food and nothing to throw around.

[Silly_Girl]

Thanks.

 

Unfotunatley, when I used to socialise, and when I was at school or worked, not many people were interested in interacting with me, but most of these people weren't really what you'd class as genuine nice people, they all had attitudes and stuck to their own kind, so that's probably why.

 

If I was around genuine nice people like myself, then maybe a lot of them would enjoy interacting with me.

 

So what you're saying is that you had bad experiences, but in a positive situation you'd do okay? Don't want to put words in your mouth but sounds like it's not *too* big of a problem. Can you take a class of some sort? Somewhere you'll be mixing with the 'right kind'? My local camera club is a great place, do you have any interests like that?

[Meeks7]

Please allow me to preface my comment by pointing out that I appreciate your taking the time to support OP in his journey to become a stronger person.

 

That being said, OP noted that he doesn't have a job. Therefore, $80 might mean a lot more to him than it does to you. I point this out because 1) I personally don't make a lot of money and 2) I see a lot of users on this site offering advice that takes money to implement (e.g. -- get some new clothes, take a vacation, redecorate your apartment).

 

I don't mean to come on you for the advice. I think it is good support you are offering him. At the same time, for me, $80 is almost two-weeks worth of food and nothing to throw around.

 

That's cool, I forgot he doesn't have a job.

 

Wait, Ross, how long have you been unemployed? Do you live on your own? If so, then how are you affording rent? If you have a bit of $$ saved up, when will it run out if you continue without having a job?

 

If you haven't already, start job hunting. Apply to any and everything.

 

So, if you're unemployed, what do you do ALL day?