Wedding when his sister's having a baby

[CupcakeCrisis]

I'm recently engaged. His sister's having a baby in early December. January-March is the wedding off-season. We're looking at a late March wedding date.

 

I try to be reasonable with his sister...but for more reasons than I can fully describe, she's a monster to deal with. Petty, immature, very jealous and insecure, etc. She lives about 8 hours away (driving). It's not a small distance for her to drive here for a wedding.

 

She's raising a stink about when we're choosing to have a wedding. My feeling is this: late March is 3 1/2 months post delivery for her. I realize traveling with a baby isn't ideal.

 

But even if we have it in late 2013 - the baby will still be under a year old. What's the big difference? Maybe there's something I'm just not seeing.

 

She is putting pressure on my boyfriend. I think she seriously believes that I'm trying to exclude her. I explained that the deal we'll be getting would cut about $1k off our costs for the hall alone, and that while we're not trying to rush a wedding, we don't want to be engaged for 1 1/2 years or more.

 

She has left several passive-aggressive remarks on Facebook. When we announced our engagement, she started leaving remarks like, "Let us know the date for this wonderful event...that is, if we're even invited." She tries to play remarks like that off like jokes, but frankly we don't even know each other that well. Why she would think that's an appropriate comment to make, especially when someone has just announced an engagement, is beyond me.

 

Instead of praise, she's leaving passive-aggressive 'woe is me' comments.

 

Now my boyfriend is questioning a March wedding date. I asked him - what's the difference between March and December? Nothing. She will still be travelling with a baby. Unless he wants to wait another 2 - 3 years when she has a toddler, I don't really know what her point is or what she expects us to do.

 

I have offered to pay for her, her husband and the baby to fly here and to fly home, since the flight wouldn't be that long.

 

What else am I supposed to do? Someone is always dying, being born, etc. - I cannot possibly plan to make it PERFECT For everyone.

 

I wish he had listened to me and we had just eloped or gone to a courthouse. I have been engaged less than a week and it feels like a curse.

[pink_sugar]

Sheesh, I know we don't have kids, but we just got back from driving slightly more than HALFWAY ACCROSS THE COUNTRY to my husband's cousin's wedding. She can drive 8 hours to her brother's wedding! Don't plan your wedding date around them. If I were you, I could care less if she could make it or not. This is your special day. I can totally relate. My dad still to this day makes remarks about how I shouldn't have had my wedding around the time a particular beerfest goes on each year. This says a lot about how important my wedding was to him. He also made a comment about my H's relative having their wedding on Father's day weekend this past weekend. You don't need the drama. Set your date and be firm. If they can come, great, if not, oh well.

Edited June 22, 2012 by pink_sugar

[MuscleCarFan]

I agree with my wife, pink_sugar. Don't plan your wedding around others. If you do that, you'll never get married! Set a firm date, send the monster-in-law sister an invitation and if she can't make it, too bad.

[CupcakeCrisis]

My boyfriend did contact his sister yesterday. Apparently she told HIM that she was also concerned that her husband wouldn't be able to get enough time off of work to make the wedding, but conveniently left that off the several times she's talked to me.

 

That's the only reason I told my boyfriend that I'd be more flexible, then, and he asked her if she knew a better timeframe. Fine. For his one and only sibling to be there, no matter how much I hate her, I figure we can be flexible and move the wedding around. For HER, and no one else, given that at least she has a more reasonable explanation for not being able to make a certain date now.

 

Her response? "It's your wedding." Not only was this an incredibly snarky and unhelpful remark, but it totally invalidated her bringing the whole thing up in the first place. If you're going to bring it up, follow through and raise your concern calmly and politely. Don't resort to being a snarky little brat.

 

He insisted and told her - how he had the patience with her is beyond me - "We are asking you because we are trying to accommodate you. Can you let us know when he might be able to get some time off?"

 

We're going to look at a place tomorrow. She told us she'd know today or tomorrow. She better know before we go - frankly she's pulled enough crap that she's already exhausted my empathy for her.

 

This was exactly what I thought would happen after we got engaged. I knew his family would start trouble. They are melodramatic, quick to anger, and they have a very hard time taking 'no' for an answer. In fact, they take 'no' as a personal insult.

 

She and her mother both have been pressuring me to have a wedding shower - I have told them both 'no' because we already have everything we need and I don't want the additional stress of participating in yet another event besides the wedding. I have gotten the "Are you sure? It's..." Yes, I'm sure. Then the penultimate snark of, "Well, it's YOUR wedding..."

 

I have never seen someone act so upset or angry because I have chosen not to follow through on their suggestion. It's weird. I'm already limiting contact with both his mother and his sister, at least until this wedding is over. For what it's worth, he agrees with me on this entire thing and is unhappy about how they've been treating me or the requests they've been making of me.

[Radu]

You will be marrying into this family.

 

Has your bf stuck up for you in front of his family ?