Oncehadluv Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 hey loveshackers earlier this week i ran into a social outting with a freind whats been on my mind is the scenario that keeps replaying in my head, not going into details about the night but i wasnt wanted maybe i was naive in the past about it but now that im an adult and matured this kind of thing bothers me has any of you guys over 30 been in similar scenario? how did/do you deal with it? Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I suspect that noo ne likes the sting of rejection. But after a while, I guess one can feel desensitised to it and it's easy just to shrug and move on. I can imagine a possible scenario where someone who is very attractive and has been 'accepted' for most of their early life, ages, starts to lose their looks and then starts getting rejected more often in dating situations. For that person, I'd imagine that rejection would be very difficult to deal with. And I've read about a phenomenon where women in their 40s+ experience a feeling of turning invisible and irrelevant. Going back to your experience: did you want the person to want you in the first place? In the grand scheme of things, how important is that person's opinion? Is their opinion consistent with those people you know and trust? And ask yourself, on it's own, is the opinion true? Do you have evidence that contradicts/supports that opinion? By evaluating the experience in this way, you can decide whether this was really a one-off that requires no action or indicates a trend that requires you to do something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oncehadluv Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 Id say it's a trend , earlier in my teens on looking back now I noticed a pattern of social circles "not wanting me" I'm in the middle of an evaluation period in my life I now much prefer being social And wanted rather then shrug it off and not give a crap live I've always done, I'm guessing me not giving a crap was a way to cope and live in a denial state of mind Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 I think it's important to figure out if it's true or not. Is it more you or more them? Sometimes the feelings of rejection are more about our own insecurities and not feeling good enough than people actually rejecting us. If your friends actively seek you out to spend time with you, then it suggests that they do want you. And you need to work out why you feel that you're not wanted when it's not true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oncehadluv Posted June 22, 2012 Author Share Posted June 22, 2012 Brutal honesty I'm not sought out or invited to parties or get togethers, I'd say most of my social life ive piggy backed off others to do things At 35 years old I'm having mixed feelings on this topic, sure I can go on being co depandant or when not piggy backing stay alone or do something about it I have no idea where to start, I'm guessing the works starts with working on me and social skills and connecting with people " getting out there" will only keep me on the hamster wheel and feel as if I'm walking in the dark. Some kind of coaching I believe is what I need, but at 35 like I said my feelings are mixed Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted June 22, 2012 Share Posted June 22, 2012 You may want to consider speaking to a therapist who will be able to help you unpack what's going on and give you strategies to use in your social life. Otherwise, if you prefer the self-help route, this site might be a good starting point: Succeed Socially.com | A Free Guide On How To Improve Social Skills For Adults The author gives both practical tips as well as general strategies on how you can move away from shyness and awkwardness to become more sociable. Link to post Share on other sites
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