Living At Home, With Boyfriend. .

[ExpectoPatronum]

Hello!

 

I'm having an issue with my family members (specifically my mother and brother) and their attitude about my boyfriend, I'm hoping someone here can give me advice.

 

Some background: My boyfriend is/was my brother's best friend - he liked me for forever and we started dating almost 2 years ago. He was already living with my mom and brother because he's been like family for about 7 years now. I was living with my friend elsewhere but was forced to move out and move back in with my mom, brother and boyfriend. So we all live together.

 

The Problem: My mother and brother are very judgmental people and are constantly looking down on my boyfriend (who they used to love like family). My boyfriend does not cause any problems, he does all sorts of chores around the house, he buys groceries and pays rent and is always very considerate with everyone because he's grateful that my mom took him in.

He sometimes gets frustrated because he is never thanked and sometimes he will buy something for himself and someone (almost always my brother) will eat it or use it or take it without asking without my boyfriend being able to enjoy it before it's gone. When he does buy things for himself or myself, my mother gets all weird about it and acts like we should be sharing with her and buying her things as well. My boyfriend feels like he is being taken advantage of, I think, but he doesn't say much because he doesn't want to cause problems.

My brother just told me tonight that he basically doesn't consider my boyfriend a friend anymore, for no reason other than my boyfriend getting frustrated sometimes that he takes his things. My brother thinks he is better and more of a man than my boyfriend now (my brother used to punch holes in the wall if people would use something of his or touch anything of his. He used to scream and throw things around).

 

My boyfriend has lost about 20 pounds in recent months because he has been stressed out and not only that, but if there is not a lot of food (we don't have a lot of money) he won't eat so other people can eat, he recently admitted this to me.

 

I feel AWFUL, I feel like the worst girlfriend in the world for having him in this situation and I don't know what to do about it! We're saving money to move out and we would have sooner but my boyfriend lost his job and only recently started working again. It makes me cry to think that he feels this way and when I saw that he'd lost so much weight I wanted to die.

 

What do I do? I love him so much and I just don't know what to do. My family is being hideous and they're just so illogical and emotional about everything I can barely even begin to explain without them getting mad and emotional.

 

Please help I'm sorry this was so long.

[january2011]

I suggest that you both avoid them (spend as much time away from the home as possible) and do your own thing until you can both move out. Walk out of the room if they start criticising him. Since he's saving money, I suggest that he stops buying anything for himself other than food and to stop buying groceries for everyone. The priority for both of you should be to save as much money as possible. Lock your/his room when you're not there.

 

I'd also suggest looking at emergency housing. I'm not sure about your boyfriend's legal rights as a tenant, but your mother and brother may go as far as to kick him out. Right now, I don't think a stern talking to will make them change their behaviour towards him. Your boyfriend may want to make enquiries at work to see if there are any employee assistance programmes that might help him financially or with finding a more affordable and healthy place to live.

[MuscleCarFan]

If possible, I think you two should rent a room somewhere so you both can live in a more hospitable environment.