quite a predicament

[Deeply Smitten]

I have a female friend I've known since early on in high school -- that's almost 10 years ago now. We've become close over time, and now we frequently rely on each other for advice and support that we wouldn't dream of seeking anywhere else. We've been confiding in each other more and more often recently, now that we're both out of university and fairly close geographically once again, and I truly don't know what I'd do without her.

 

The problem? I've very much fallen for this friend of mine, and would like nothing more than to start a relationship. I'm worried that she might see me more as a brother than a boyfriend, however. If I confess how I feel I'm afraid I'll miss out not only on a romantic relationship, but on the friendship which we've built and has become so important for both of us. It's a sticky dilemma. I don't want to scare her, whatever I do. There's always been romantic tension between the two of us (friends have often remarked on this), so I know my feelings won't be a complete surprise. However, there's always some chance those feelings would be unwelcome all the same, and I'm terrified of that prospect.

 

I suppose what I'm looking for is advice on how to test the waters. She's the type of girl who won't confess her feelings for me unless I do so first, so waiting around won't solve anything -- in fact, the emotional torment would drive me crazy if I delayed much longer.

 

How do you tell a friend your true feelings, when those feelings are so much more than friendship?

 

Honestly, there's a good chance she's wrestling with the same problem regarding ME. I certainly hope so. Unfortunately I'm still afraid to make my first move because there's so much for me to lose if I'm wrong.

 

Thanks for listening! Any advice is truly appreciated.

 

Deeply Smitten

[Creon]

I know where you have been. The only advice I can give is to sit her down one day and tell her how you feel. You are not being fair to yourself holding back like that. Just think that you have infinitely more to gain by telling her than by losing face. Even if she does not return the affection she knows where you stand and if she is a true friend she will not get all weirded out. Who knows, she might start thinking of you in a different light.

 

Or you could get her drunk and try to get some. Your choice.

[Tony T]

Being "friends" with someone when you want a whole lot more is ONE BIG LIE, both to yourself and to the other person. Unless she is a total and complete moron, she already knows how you feel. Women are pretty smart about stuff like that.

 

Simply tell her, at the right time, that if sometime in the future she may feel like exploring an upgrade to the friendship, you would be open to that. Let her know she has special qualities that you value and you would be open to more if she would. Then just keep your mouth shut and see what her reaction is.

 

My guess is that at intervals along the way, she has given you windows of opportunity to upgrade the relationship and you have NOT taken the cues. If you listen closely to what she says, you will get other windows now and then until she gives up. So you need to give her some windows of opportunity to upgrade this deal.

 

Now, if she rejects the idea or is otherwise closed to it, you're going to have to put your feelings in check, see her a bit less, and look for romance elsewhere.

 

I'm with you 100 percent. I think if you have been friends for ten years and if you are mature enough to make things work out, you should go for it. But you must have sufficient maturity so that your friendship will not be affected if anything goes wrong. Just enjoy the relationship for whatever it becomes.

 

Right now, this whole thing is not healthy...it's a lie. You are with her wanting a whole lot more and each moment you are with her, you are thinking about what it would be like to give her a whopping kiss, hold her hand, and more. You are NOT being nice to yourself and you are misleading her by making her think you are just her platonic friend. You must correct this or you will continue to be miserable.

 

Assuming she is not seeing anyone now, you should make your move soon. Just think how crappy you would feel if one day the two of you were together and she told you about a guy she had just fallen deeply in love with, gone to his apartment, and had mad, passionate sex all night.

 

Are you getting the picture???

 

It's your move!!!